TheBanyanTree: Change

[LaLinda]

Of course, it's a challenge, sometimes, especially when overwhelmed with
fatigue and/or pain or whatever, but I feel as Monique does...that it's
important to look at all that I have and be glad. It helps, a lot. I'm
sut]re you experience all of this, too, Glo.

On Sat, Feb 5, 2022 at 12:41 PM Gloria via TheBanyanTree <
thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:

> "She still is." I'm going to remember that and keep my ears open. I don't
> think I've ever witnessed something like that. Wow.
>
> We are not our illnesses. We are much much more than that, as evidenced by
> you regularly, LL and Monique, and all other tree dwellers. I see no reason
> to stop being who we are. Party on!
>
> On Sat, Feb 5, 2022 at 7:37 AM LaLinda via TheBanyanTree <
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
>
> > Laura is so right, and today has enough stuff of its,own, including
> > adorable puppy stuff.
> >
> > I like what you said, Laura about us not being our illnesses. When
> Grandma
> > D was in the nursing home and I was visiting with the kids, one day, a
> > nurse/attendant/WHOMEVER said too me,
> >
> > "She gets a lot of company."  Y au-\nat an uncle were there, about every
> > day to feed her and watch over her. I answered,
> >
> > "Yes, she does." She responded, "SHE MUST HAVE BEEN A WONDERFUL WOMAN." I
> > felt as though she'd slapped me. i didn't get testy, I just said,
> >
> > "She still is."
> >
> > My thing is, we are here until we are not, and we all witnessed times
> when
> > Gram hadn''t spoken for months, but would come out with something as
> clear
> > as a I have theories  about that. When I took the kids, we went to see
> HER,
> > and kind of, for a lack of a better word, minister, or "give" to her.
> > They'd read her their little kiddie books and sing new songs they'd
> > learned, and though she hadn't said anything in three months, when
> Stephen
> > hid behind the door, she said,
> >
> > "What's the matter, baby?" She spoke too Christine,
> >
> > "How are you, beautiful?" And, to me, she said
> >
> > "You have a nice face."
> >
> > My aunts and uncles were flabbergasted. They were there, constantly, and
> > there was constant chatter. I do think she was partial to one, since I
> was
> > her first grandchild and she didn't see me from the time I was a wee
> little
> > one until I was, ha! an "adult," and met her and my father, and that's
> > another story.
> >
> > Another time, a lot of us were there, as usual, everyone was chattering
> > over her. Some weirdo things were said, my crazy aunt was there and made
> a
> > remark about Gram being "trapped" in her body. It broke my heart. She's
> > right here and she can hear you, you dumb ass! Gram always said that I'd
> > she found out she had Alzheimer's, she would go out the back door and
> throw
> > herself into the river. My aunts and uncles lost control of that when the
> > doctor ça,e right out and told her.
> >
> > "What is WRONG with me?" Gram asked her.
> >
> > "Dorothy," the doctor began," have you ever heard of Alzheimer's
> disease?"
> >
> > "Yes."
> >
> > "Well, that is what you have."
> >
> > The aunts and uncles were angry, but, hey. Whatever. She was still a
> person
> > and deserved to know...she ASKED.
> >
> > Back to looney-tunes aunt loudly proclaiming that Gram was trapped, I had
> > to get up to,gop,too the car, because I was melting down, a little,
> knowing
> > how she felt about it, and as I got closer to the car, (we were on the
> > patio) my sister, Carol called,
> >
> > "Linda! Gramma is looking for you!" So I called back,
> >
> > "Bye, Gramma!" And she k picked everyone's socks off by calling back.
> >
> > "Good-bye!"
> >
> > We are here until we are not.
> >
> > And, you can always call me, You are delightful.
> >
> > ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
> >
> > LaLinda
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > On Fri, Feb 4, 2022 at 1:50 PM Laura via TheBanyanTree <
> > thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> >
> > > Monique,
> > > I think it's good you're going to see someone who is not directly
> > > involved with your life, and not (hopefully) judgmental, to talk things
> > > out. And it's good you can type stuff out and post it here or to other
> > > lists. You can lay out everything you need get out, and just leave it
> > > there, no need to haul it back home with you. Sure, you can't get ALL
> of
> > > it out, but every little bit you can leave behind relieves the
> pressure.
> > >
> > > Writing things out is, for me, a bit like lancing a boil. I get to the
> > > point where things are festering inside, and if I don't let them out,
> > > they will explode all over my brain and make me even more nuts. Here in
> > > the Banyan Tree is where my boils get lanced. (ew. sorry about that. a
> > > little dish soap should get that out.) Yeah, that's what happened a
> > > couple days ago.
> > >
> > > I'm proud that you are writing it all out and sharing it. It's like
> > > Youngblood's posts, chronicling her experiences. How can anyone else
> > > experience what's happening to you if we don't hear it from you? Sure,
> > > we're not really experiencing them physically, but even if we can't
> > > empathize, we can sympathize with your physical and mental state, and
> > > maybe our perception of Parkinson's will change. It helps all of us to
> > > remember that you are not your condition, you are a PERSON with a
> > > condition. I hate it at the doctor's when a nurse says, "You've got a
> > > Parkinson's in room four, and a brain boil in room two." No, you
> fucking
> > > don't. You have two PEOPLE in those rooms who have those conditions.
> > > Grrrr.
> > >
> > > Future blind. I like that. Live today for today. Deal with today
> things,
> > > and don't worry about tomorrow things. That's how dogs live, one moment
> > > to the next, and on the whole they seem to be pretty happy. Be happy
> > > when you're happy, and be sad when you're sad. Don't worry about
> > > tomorrow, just deal with it when it gets here. And if you think about
> > > it, tomorrow never actually gets here. We go to sleep and when we wake
> > > up, it's today again! Tomorrow is still a whole day away.
> > >
> > > Anyway, I love you, too. Anytime you want to bitch at someone who won't
> > > judge, you know my email address.
> > >
> > > Laura
> > > wolfljsh at gmail.com
> > >
> > > On 2/3/2022 5:23:13 PM, "Monique Colve via TheBanyanTree"
> > > <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> > >
> > > >Yesterday I stopped putting off the inevitable and called the EAP at
> my
> > > husband's employer. Two doctors, my neurologist and my GP, had asked me
> > to
> > > start seeing a psychiatrist and/or a counselor, not because I'm a
> raving
> > > psychotic, but because they believe I will need help getting through my
> > > upcoming life phases, and neither of them wants me coming to them. Not
> > that
> > > I can blame them, their job is to keep my physical body in some sort of
> > > working order, not to listen to me whine.
> > > >
> > > >Calling EAP is no big deal, but Parkinson's has given me the
> > > predisposition to cry easily, and so I avoid it. There are triggers,
> and
> > > the last month has been difficult in more than one way. When Sam at EAP
> > > said I didn't have to tell him, but it would help if I did, I told him
> I
> > > have Parkinson's, and brain damage, and memory issues, and dementia is
> > > considered likely with time. I had to stop work and my life is
> changing.
> > > >
> > > >No big deal.
> > > >
> > > >Sam asked what kind of support I had, did I have anyone to talk to
> about
> > > this? I told him no, only my husband, and Andrew and I have agreed that
> > > talking to him about more than the basic medical facts is not conducive
> > to
> > > a healthy relationship. I'm enough of a challenge as is.
> > > >
> > > >I have no one to talk to. I really never have.
> > > >
> > > >Parkinson's messes with the brain, even if one escapes the dementia
> that
> > > often accompanies it. If we're lucky, it's a long slow decline that can
> > > wipe away who we are, or were, and it comes with grieving. I'm already
> on
> > > the way to being no one.
> > > >
> > > >Once I had a reputation in my field, small as it is. People knew me.
> > > Sometimes I was known for being a smartass, sometimes for knowing many
> > > things. On good days I can still be a smartass, but there are few
> people
> > to
> > > talk to. Physical therapists have been, other than my husband, my most
> > fun
> > > conversations for the past month.
> > > >
> > > >People with Parkinson's support groups have not been helpful - I will
> > > offer advice or support, but there's no back and forth, and the most
> > > frequent advice includes prayer, which is not my belief system. It's
> also
> > > very conservative, which I am not.
> > > >
> > > >I've been future blind most of my life, which means I can only see
> > today.
> > > I can't see a future that is any different. There are reasons that are
> > dark
> > > and deep, probably best explored with a mental health counselor.
> > > >
> > > >I love my life, despite my inability to connect with people, even
> > family,
> > > though my brother and I have made huge strides that no one else would
> > > notice. My life has changed a lot in the past few years, some of that
> > > pandemic related, mostly me related. I don't want any more change - I
> > used
> > > to welcome change, now I fear it.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Monique
> > > >Sent from my iPad
> > > >
> > > >Need to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > > forgotten your password? Go here:
> > > http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> > >
> > >
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> > >
> >
> >
> > --
> >
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>
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> forgotten your password? Go here:
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