TheBanyanTree: I am ashamed

[Gloria]

Monique... I’ve labeled you a saint, an angel, a brilliant writer, (and
some I can’t think of right now due to my own brain fog issue) more than
once. Not that you ever accepted the titles or felt deserving of them, mind
you. I love you for many reasons, no matter what, Monique! Like Sachet said
so well...YOU matter!




On Sun, Feb 3, 2019 at 7:33 PM paul <paul at remsset.com> wrote:

> I remember my Dad before he went to 'Nam.  Busy doing Dad stuff, but a
> nice guy.  I remember nighttime kisses on my way to bed and how
> scratchy his day of stubble was.  What came back from 'Nam when I was
> eight was not a nice person. Somehow it was my fault for everything.
>
> I'm not a fan of belts.  Sure, I deserved a few whippings.  But for
> stuff my sisters and little brother did?  While I'm at school?  All my
> fault because I was the oldest.
>
> That's a math problem I will never solve.
>
> Anyway.  He's dead.  Can't hit me anymore.
>
> At first, I felt guilty for thinking such. But that's me.
>
> On the other hand the last time I talked to my sisters they were all
> "boo hoo" about Dad.  Yes, the same sisters that emptied Mom's house
> and bank account a few years later.  And vanished.  Then mailed her
> car keys to me.  A MONTH later.  "It's my turn now."
>
> About a year ago one sister asked me, on Facebook, "when did Mom
> die?".  You'll never know.....  "bad word".
>
> Ok.  I'll take care of this.
>
>
> TLW said the following on 2/3/2019 5:02 PM:
> > Monique:
> >
> > I was raised on shame. I think many -- perhaps most -- of us were. It's a
> > way to make children try harder -- shame them for their bad behavior, or
> > even their very human mistakes.
> >
> > Once we are grown, however, and especially when we have proven over and
> > over again that we are doing the best we can with what we have, and are
> > trying, and are human, shame has no purpose. It's a remnant of a
> powerless
> > time. But you can drop it. I did.
> >
> > Guilt serves purpose. It does. Shame? No. it's an extraneous, invented
> > emotion.
> >
> > Rise above. Keep plodding. One day at a time.
> >
> > We love you. You are magnificent.
> >
> > Sidda
> >
> >
>
>
> --
> _____________________________________
>     http://remsset.com
>
>
>     Lensmen eat Jedi for breakfast.
>
>