TheBanyanTree: I am ashamed

[paul]

I remember my Dad before he went to 'Nam.  Busy doing Dad stuff, but a 
nice guy.  I remember nighttime kisses on my way to bed and how 
scratchy his day of stubble was.  What came back from 'Nam when I was 
eight was not a nice person. Somehow it was my fault for everything.

I'm not a fan of belts.  Sure, I deserved a few whippings.  But for 
stuff my sisters and little brother did?  While I'm at school?  All my 
fault because I was the oldest.

That's a math problem I will never solve.

Anyway.  He's dead.  Can't hit me anymore.

At first, I felt guilty for thinking such. But that's me.

On the other hand the last time I talked to my sisters they were all 
"boo hoo" about Dad.  Yes, the same sisters that emptied Mom's house 
and bank account a few years later.  And vanished.  Then mailed her 
car keys to me.  A MONTH later.  "It's my turn now."

About a year ago one sister asked me, on Facebook, "when did Mom 
die?".  You'll never know.....  "bad word".

Ok.  I'll take care of this.


TLW said the following on 2/3/2019 5:02 PM:
> Monique:
> 
> I was raised on shame. I think many -- perhaps most -- of us were. It's a
> way to make children try harder -- shame them for their bad behavior, or
> even their very human mistakes.
> 
> Once we are grown, however, and especially when we have proven over and
> over again that we are doing the best we can with what we have, and are
> trying, and are human, shame has no purpose. It's a remnant of a powerless
> time. But you can drop it. I did.
> 
> Guilt serves purpose. It does. Shame? No. it's an extraneous, invented
> emotion.
> 
> Rise above. Keep plodding. One day at a time.
> 
> We love you. You are magnificent.
> 
> Sidda
> 
> 


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