TheBanyanTree: Stories

[Jim Miller]

We are a sorry pair.

On Monday, December 9, 2013, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
wrote:
> Not as sorry as me.
>
> :-)
>
>
>
>
> *We appreciate your referrals!*
>
> Monique Colver
> Colver Business Solutions
> www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> monique.colver at gmail.com
> (425) 772-6218
>
>
> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 7:34 PM, Jim Miller <jim at maze.cc> wrote:
>
>> So....... I'm thinking; wer'e on the same page.
>>
>> Now, I'm really sorry. :)
>>
>> On Monday, December 9, 2013, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>> > No, I don't feel sorry for you. I don't feel sorry for anyone. What I
>> said
>> > was, "I'm sorry you had to go through that," which isn't the same thing
>> as
>> > feeling sorry for you. We've all had painful life experiences. I wrote
a
>> > book about it. Some people know that about me, and some don't.
>> >
>> > I know a really really nice person, and I avoid her. She's so nice
that I
>> > can't stand it, because if she knows that I'm in pain, which I
sometimes
>> > am, she gets the saddest puppy dog look at on her face, as if someone
had
>> > just stamped on her ant farm. It makes me want to scream. Once we were
at
>> a
>> > conference, and I was limping around because at the time my knee was
>> acting
>> > up. Every time I saw her, which was every hour or so, depending, she'd
>> look
>> > at me with those big sad eyes and ask, "Is it better yet?"
>> >
>> > Finally I had to say, "Please stop asking me that -- it's just bad, and
>> > it's not getting better for awhile, especially since I'm running around
>> the
>> > conference on it."
>> >
>> > I don't feel sorry for people, I only express a version of empathy that
>> > they had to experience it, which some people take badly.
>> >
>> > I'm sorry.
>> >
>> > I won't do it again.
>> >
>> > Really.
>> >
>> > I'm very sorry.
>> >
>> > So, so, sorry.
>> >
>> > You have no idea.
>> >
>> > Really.
>> >
>> > :-)
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
>> >
>> > Monique Colver
>> > Colver Business Solutions
>> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
>> > monique.colver at gmail.com
>> > (425) 772-6218
>> >
>> >
>> > On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 6:51 PM, Jim Miller <jim at maze.cc> wrote:
>> >
>> >> I chuckle when you say that people tell you things. That happens to
>> Linda.
>> >> Especially men talk to her and confess all the desperation in their
>> lives.
>> >> She wants to tell them to please, just shut up. I don't want to know
>> this.
>> >> I don't need to know this. But being the gracious person that she it,
>> she
>> >> listens and nods.
>> >>
>> >> To all: I would ask a favor. Never be sorry for me because I had a
life
>> >> experience. Life is difficult at best. For me, any challenge is an
>> >> opportunity to learn and grow. I consider them my adventures, and
>> welcome
>> >> the next one. An occasional break would be nice.
>> >>
>> >> I recognize that many revel and thrive in sympathy from others. It
>> almost
>> >> defines them. Until just recently, I have been devoid of empathy,
>> because I
>> >> believed that I was responsible for the person I am. therefore, I am
>> >> responsible for my failures regardless of the source. Why aren't
others?
>> >> I'm slowly changing me. I can have empathy.
>> >>
>> >> I believe that being sorry for me is sympathy. I don't want sympathy.
>> >> Empathy is the ability to understand the difficulty that I am
>> experiencing.
>> >> I can't trust sympathy, but if you show empathy, I know that you are
>> there
>> >> to listen if I need to talk.
>> >>
>> >> I know this is simplistic, just PLEASE, never be sorry for me. Protect
>> the
>> >> vulnerable, help the destitute and desperate. I will stand with you
>> until I
>> >> can no longer stand. Just don't be sorry for me.
>> >>
>> >> Jim
>> >>
>> >>
>> >> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM, Monique Colver <
>> monique.col