TheBanyanTree: Stories

[Monique Colver]

Not as sorry as me.

:-)




*We appreciate your referrals!*

Monique Colver
Colver Business Solutions
www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
monique.colver at gmail.com
(425) 772-6218


On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 7:34 PM, Jim Miller <jim at maze.cc> wrote:

> So....... I'm thinking; wer'e on the same page.
>
> Now, I'm really sorry. :)
>
> On Monday, December 9, 2013, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > No, I don't feel sorry for you. I don't feel sorry for anyone. What I
> said
> > was, "I'm sorry you had to go through that," which isn't the same thing
> as
> > feeling sorry for you. We've all had painful life experiences. I wrote a
> > book about it. Some people know that about me, and some don't.
> >
> > I know a really really nice person, and I avoid her. She's so nice that I
> > can't stand it, because if she knows that I'm in pain, which I sometimes
> > am, she gets the saddest puppy dog look at on her face, as if someone had
> > just stamped on her ant farm. It makes me want to scream. Once we were at
> a
> > conference, and I was limping around because at the time my knee was
> acting
> > up. Every time I saw her, which was every hour or so, depending, she'd
> look
> > at me with those big sad eyes and ask, "Is it better yet?"
> >
> > Finally I had to say, "Please stop asking me that -- it's just bad, and
> > it's not getting better for awhile, especially since I'm running around
> the
> > conference on it."
> >
> > I don't feel sorry for people, I only express a version of empathy that
> > they had to experience it, which some people take badly.
> >
> > I'm sorry.
> >
> > I won't do it again.
> >
> > Really.
> >
> > I'm very sorry.
> >
> > So, so, sorry.
> >
> > You have no idea.
> >
> > Really.
> >
> > :-)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
> >
> > Monique Colver
> > Colver Business Solutions
> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> > (425) 772-6218
> >
> >
> > On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 6:51 PM, Jim Miller <jim at maze.cc> wrote:
> >
> >> I chuckle when you say that people tell you things. That happens to
> Linda.
> >> Especially men talk to her and confess all the desperation in their
> lives.
> >> She wants to tell them to please, just shut up. I don't want to know
> this.
> >> I don't need to know this. But being the gracious person that she it,
> she
> >> listens and nods.
> >>
> >> To all: I would ask a favor. Never be sorry for me because I had a life
> >> experience. Life is difficult at best. For me, any challenge is an
> >> opportunity to learn and grow. I consider them my adventures, and
> welcome
> >> the next one. An occasional break would be nice.
> >>
> >> I recognize that many revel and thrive in sympathy from others. It
> almost
> >> defines them. Until just recently, I have been devoid of empathy,
> because I
> >> believed that I was responsible for the person I am. therefore, I am
> >> responsible for my failures regardless of the source. Why aren't others?
> >> I'm slowly changing me. I can have empathy.
> >>
> >> I believe that being sorry for me is sympathy. I don't want sympathy.
> >> Empathy is the ability to understand the difficulty that I am
> experiencing.
> >> I can't trust sympathy, but if you show empathy, I know that you are
> there
> >> to listen if I need to talk.
> >>
> >> I know this is simplistic, just PLEASE, never be sorry for me. Protect
> the
> >> vulnerable, help the destitute and desperate. I will stand with you
> until I
> >> can no longer stand. Just don't be sorry for me.
> >>
> >> Jim
> >>
> >>
> >> On Mon, Dec 9, 2013 at 5:53 PM, Monique Colver <
> monique.colver at gmail.com
> >> >wrote:
> >>
> >> > You think I would be surprised? I would not be surprised at all --
> people
> >> > tell me a lot of things. People tell me horrendous stories, but not
> >> because
> >> > I'm a stranger. I don't know why they tell me.
> >> >
> >> > None of us are the same as we were three years ago. I'm barely the
> same
> >> > person I was three hours ago. I'm sorry you had to go through that,
> and
> >> > especially for your grandchildren. I know so many children going
> through
> >> > similar things right now, and so many who have, and sometimes I think
> >> it's
> >> > a wonder any of us survive.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >
> >> > *We appreciate your referrals!*
> >> >
> >> > Monique Colver
> >> > Colver Business Solutions
> >> > www.colverbusinesssolutions.com
> >> > monique.colver at gmail.com
> >> > (425) 772-6218
> >> >
> >>
> >
>