TheBanyanTree: I Have Issues

[Woofie]

Jim, you have a right to have issues!
All of us have issues. It is a fact of life!
Some of us have issues which are our doing.
 From reading your issues, I can't see that they are your doing.
And you have a right to vent about those issues!!!
hugs,
W:)

On 30/11/2013 12:00 PM, Jim Miller wrote:
> What do you feel when I tell you; I have issues? I sense your judgment. I
> want to shout out, like the woman in the commercial, “Don’t hate me because
> I’m beautiful.” Now, I don’t expect you to think me beautiful. I don’t
> think me beautiful, well maybe modestly handsome, but I digress. The truth
> is, most will run from a relationship with a person who has issues. Those
> people tend to be oppressive and overbearing. We rush to judgment because
> our cultural conditioning persuades us to assume that persons with issues
> are mentally unstable. Of course, that’s what I’ve always understood. I was
> wrong; . . . . . . . some of the time anyway.
>
>
>
> I began having these thoughts a week ago. Today, my thoughts are unusually
> heavy. I don’t know why. Maybe it has something to do with being
> exceptionally happy about life yesterday, as I used the Thanksgiving
> Holiday to count my blessing. Yin and yang; give and take; for every
> action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Today it’s issues. ALL my
> issues.
>
>
>
> The day dawned in a shroud of battleship gray, laced with frost, and tinged
> in an eerie mist. No, I wasn’t awake to see it. Now it’s later in the day,
> and nothing has changed. I slept late due to a late night; or rather, an
> early morning. I was passionately engrossed in the lives of elite
> assassins, brutal drug cartel psychopaths, despicable and corrupt
> politicians, lazy and worthless bureaucrats, a handful of incorruptible
> federales, and beautiful women. All good stories have beautiful women. Not
> all of them nice ladies, but all beautiful. I’m quite fond of beautiful
> women.
>
>
>
> OK, I confess, I was also awake because, even with all the tryptophan I
> consumed, I indulged my weakness for hot caffeinated beverage late in the
> day. The earthy sweet nectar resulting from the rare convergence of the
> finest Indonesian Sumatra coffee beans from one of the most ideal growing
> regions on the high plateau, dark roasted to just the appropriate acidity,
> fresh ground, perfectly brewed at precisely 196 degrees Fahrenheit, and
> served immediately. I drank more than a quart, and savored every drop.
> Coffee doesn’t get better than that.
>
>
>
> Back to my issues. Are you still with me, or have you run off? I AM NOT
> mentally unstable. Whether I’m engaged in blissful denial or not, it is my
> reality and I will remain in this reality until my final breath. Let’s move
> on. My reality is that I’m getting old. I’m finding it difficult to accept,
> but I have mirrors and I’m not blind. Maybe a little blind. Then, I
> continue to receive these disparaging emails, like I should relate. How can
> I relate when I have all my teeth. Ya Ya, a mouth full of porcelain crowns
> with a smattering of implants, but that has nothing to do with my issues. I
> paid a lot for this smile and I like it. Where do I start?
>
>
>
> Maybe I should just start at the top of my issue priority list and work
> down. Would you prefer that I start with the major issues, working through
> to the trivia; or take trivial first? Trivial wins.
>
> 1.     1. I have dry scalp. I know; nothing to you, but it’s driving me
> nuts. The dermatologist says, “Use this once a day for a month.” My scalp
> turns bright red, burns like fire, and three months late flakes again. This
> has been going on for 4 years.
>
> 2.     2. I have toenail fungus. The podiatrist says, “50% of you (unspoken
> “elderly”) have it. I could give you an oral medication that works about
> 35% of the time. You don’t want to know what it does to your liver. Or you
> can just ignore it.” Will beautiful women notice my yellow toenails at the
> beach?
>
> 3.      3. My hair is getting thinner by the day. I had great hair. This
> wasn’t supposed to happen.
>
> 4.      4. Every time I visit the dermatologist, he attempts to keep a
> straight face, but I can see through the façade. The glee is there, in the
> wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. Looking through his jeweler’s loop he
> says, “We’ll need to remove this growth . . . . . . and that one, and we’ll
> just burn off these 11 pre-cancerous spots.”  Ka-ching, ka-ching.  What is
> this WE? I’m the one who looks like they went through a back room
> interrogation and the other guy had a lit cigarette.
>
>
>
> Do you believe me? I have issues. There are bigger issues.
>
>
>
> 5.      5. My thyroid and gall bladder have been taken and I was completely
> in the dark. Anesthesia will do that I’m told.
>
> 6.      6. My right shoulder droops. We don’t know if that’s because I
> carried a heavy instrument in the 5th grade, or the surgeon nicked a nerve
> during the 2007 cancer surgery when everything on the right side went numb.
> I’m not really uptight about this issue. The physical therapist is working
> on it, although I opened a car door the other day, at the wrong angle,
> something snapped, and now everything hurts.
>
> 7.      7. Six weeks ago, I had surgery on my right foot, to remove a
> bunion and fix a hammer toe. I couldn’t drive for 4 weeks. Now everything
> is swollen, one toe no longer bends and it’s still sore. Maybe prescription
> shoes would have been a wiser choice.
>
> 8.      8. I breathe through a hole in my neck. Adults are freaked and kids
> are curious. Blowing your neck instead of your nose is a little weird. I
> don’t smell odors well. (which has its advantages) Vocal cords are gone,
> but I’ve learned to talk. You don’t want to know how, although it’s not how
> some people think. Now I sound like The Donald. NOT Donald Trump; Donald
> Duck. I have a mechanical voice for a backup. The kids love to play with
> it. I have to keep buying batteries.
>
> 9.      9. Then, of course there is The Heart. It’s on loan from someone
> else. Lucky me; it’s a good one. People say, “Do you notice that some
> things are different now?” I don’t put much stock in ‘Cell Memory’,
> although proponents swear it’s real. I don’t believe I act or think
> differently, but I have issues. Who am I to judge me?
>
> 10.    10. Finally, I have eye issues. I’ve always had great eyes. I have
> used mild reading glasses only for twenty five years, and I finally got
> glasses with a little correction. This is a new issue. It’s called
> Posterior Vitreous Separation. Apparently 50% of those over 50 experience
> it. The worry is in tearing the retina. I’m good so far, but I now have
> what appears to be an apparition floating center stage in my left eye.
> Actually it more closely resembles a constantly changing, transparent,
> Rorschach image. I find myself sitting staring at it wondering what I’d
> tell a shrink I see. Sooo Much Sexxxx. (That should perk him/her up.) I did
> see a turkey, a shrinking galaxy, a tornado, rabbit on a log. Then there
> were the disembodied heads with scorpion tails dangling out of their
> mouths. That’s the Sinaloa Cartel’s calling card. I’d better quit reading
> such gruesome fiction. I’m told this issue may remain for the rest of my
> life.
>
>
>
> Good Grief, I have issues. What am I going to do? I’m never sure how much
> longer I’ll have to deal with these issues. Fifteen years ago, Linda and I
> had our 35th anniversary. The goal was to make it to 50. We celebrated 50
> last Saturday. At times I feel like a cat with nine lives and I’ve used at
> least 4 of them. I’m not counting the close calls where an angel had to
> interven. Like the time I scrambled off the mountain in the dark, over
> giant boulders with lightning dancing off the rocks ALL around me. Or the
> time I slid my car in the snow within 6 inches of an 85 foot drop into the
> icy St Joe River. The time I tripped at a construction site and missed
> piercing my heart with rebar by inches. Then just a few months ago, I was
> returning from a cross state conference. It was midnight when I woke up
> doing 100 kph clearing brush on the side of the road. By reflex I pulled
> back and lost it. I was reasonably certain that I was the main character in
> a one car roll over show; over and over, and over. I knew there was no
> possibility of recovery, and just like that, the car corrected and settled
> into straight line. Maybe I’d better count Angel interventions. I’m
> probably on auxiliary lives by now. Well, what the heck. So I have issues.
> No point in giving in and slowing now. On the other hand; should I hire a
> driver.
>
>
>
> In 1996, I wrote a rant about listening for God to talk to me. I think that
> I worried Janice. She wrote that she would be happy to listen if I wanted
> to talk. Janice, I still haven’t had an audible rap with God.  I have loads
> of issues. Are you still ready to talk?
>
>
> Jim

-- 

/*"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie – 30/4/02*/

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