TheBanyanTree: I Have Issues

Thu Dec 5 11:50:56 PST 2013

OmiGod...I'm playing with a bunch of Old People here!  And they have
Issues!!

So what?  We all get Old unless we die first, and I'd rather get Old.  In
fact, I did.  A month and a half ago I became 75 years Old.

And I believe we all have Issues, unless we have absolutely no life
whatsoever.  Unless we sit in a dark room in a rocking chair and just wait
for the Grim Reaper to come claim us.  I would rather have Issues.  And I
do, but they are too numerous to list here, right now, so I shall save them
for a little later.

 Now I have to take an email downstairs to Paul that he was waiting for.

But before I go, I just want to tell y'all that I love all y'all, even if
you're Old, and even with your Issues.  Y'all are the Greatest!
Hugs and <3 <3

On Thu, Dec 5, 2013 at 8:04 AM, Woofie <woofess at iinet.net.au> wrote:

> Jim, you have a right to have issues!
> All of us have issues. It is a fact of life!
> Some of us have issues which are our doing.
> From reading your issues, I can't see that they are your doing.
> And you have a right to vent about those issues!!!
> hugs,
> W:)
>
>
> On 30/11/2013 12:00 PM, Jim Miller wrote:
>
>> What do you feel when I tell you; I have issues? I sense your judgment. I
>> want to shout out, like the woman in the commercial, “Don’t hate me
>> because
>> I’m beautiful.” Now, I don’t expect you to think me beautiful. I don’t
>> think me beautiful, well maybe modestly handsome, but I digress. The truth
>> is, most will run from a relationship with a person who has issues. Those
>> people tend to be oppressive and overbearing. We rush to judgment because
>> our cultural conditioning persuades us to assume that persons with issues
>> are mentally unstable. Of course, that’s what I’ve always understood. I
>> was
>> wrong; . . . . . . . some of the time anyway.
>>
>>
>>
>> I began having these thoughts a week ago. Today, my thoughts are unusually
>> heavy. I don’t know why. Maybe it has something to do with being
>> exceptionally happy about life yesterday, as I used the Thanksgiving
>> Holiday to count my blessing. Yin and yang; give and take; for every
>> action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Today it’s issues. ALL my
>> issues.
>>
>>
>>
>> The day dawned in a shroud of battleship gray, laced with frost, and
>> tinged
>> in an eerie mist. No, I wasn’t awake to see it. Now it’s later in the day,
>> and nothing has changed. I slept late due to a late night; or rather, an
>> early morning. I was passionately engrossed in the lives of elite
>> assassins, brutal drug cartel psychopaths, despicable and corrupt
>> politicians, lazy and worthless bureaucrats, a handful of incorruptible
>> federales, and beautiful women. All good stories have beautiful women. Not
>> all of them nice ladies, but all beautiful. I’m quite fond of beautiful
>> women.
>>
>>
>>
>> OK, I confess, I was also awake because, even with all the tryptophan I
>> consumed, I indulged my weakness for hot caffeinated beverage late in the
>> day. The earthy sweet nectar resulting from the rare convergence of the
>> finest Indonesian Sumatra coffee beans from one of the most ideal growing
>> regions on the high plateau, dark roasted to just the appropriate acidity,
>> fresh ground, perfectly brewed at precisely 196 degrees Fahrenheit, and
>> served immediately. I drank more than a quart, and savored every drop.
>> Coffee doesn’t get better than that.
>>
>>
>>
>> Back to my issues. Are you still with me, or have you run off? I AM NOT
>> mentally unstable. Whether I’m engaged in blissful denial or not, it is my
>> reality and I will remain in this reality until my final breath. Let’s
>> move
>> on. My reality is that I’m getting old. I’m finding it difficult to
>> accept,
>> but I have mirrors and I’m not blind. Maybe a little blind. Then, I
>> continue to receive these disparaging emails, like I should relate. How
>> can
>> I relate when I have all my teeth. Ya Ya, a mouth full of porcelain crowns
>> with a smattering of implants, but that has nothing to do with my issues.
>> I
>> paid a lot for this smile and I like it. Where do I start?
>>
>>
>>
>> Maybe I should just start at the top of my issue priority list and work
>> down. Would you prefer that I start with the major issues, working through
>> to the trivia; or take trivial first? Trivial wins.
>>
>> 1.     1. I have dry scalp. I know; nothing to you, but it’s driving me
>> nuts. The dermatologist says, “Use this once a day for a month.” My scalp
>> turns bright red, burns like fire, and three months late flakes again.
>> This
>> has been going on for 4 years.
>>
>> 2.     2. I have toenail fungus. The podiatrist says, “50% of you
>> (unspoken
>> “elderly”) have it. I could give you an oral medication that works about
>> 35% of the time. You don’t want to know what it does to your liver. Or you
>> can just ignore it.” Will beautiful women notice my yellow toenails at the
>> beach?
>>
>> 3.      3. My hair is getting thinner by the day. I had great hair. This
>> wasn’t supposed to happen.
>>
>> 4.      4. Every time I visit the dermatologist, he attempts to keep a
>> straight face, but I can see through the façade. The glee is there, in the
>> wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. Looking through his jeweler’s loop he
>> says, “We’ll need to remove this growth . . . . . . and that one, and
>> we’ll
>> just burn off these 11 pre-cancerous spots.”  Ka-ching, ka-ching.  What is
>> this WE? I’m the one who looks like they went through a back room
>> interrogation and the other guy had a lit cigarette.
>>
>>
>>
>> Do you believe me? I have issues. There are bigger issues.
>>
>>
>>
>> 5.      5. My thyroid and gall bladder have been taken and I was
>> completely
>> in the dark. Anesthesia will do that I’m told.
>>
>> 6.      6. My right shoulder droops. We don’t know if that’s because I
>> carried a heavy instrument in the 5th grade, or the surgeon nicked a nerve
>> during the 2007 cancer surgery when everything on the right side went
>> numb.
>> I’m not really uptight about this issue. The physical therapist is working
>> on it, although I opened a car door the other day, at the wrong angle,
>> something snapped, and now everything hurts.
>>
>> 7.      7. Six weeks ago, I had surgery on my right foot, to remove a
>> bunion and fix a hammer toe. I couldn’t drive for 4 weeks. Now everything
>> is swollen, one toe no longer bends and it’s still sore. Maybe
>> prescription
>> shoes would have been a wiser choice.
>>
>> 8.      8. I breathe through a hole in my neck. Adults are freaked and
>> kids
>> are curious. Blowing your neck instead of your nose is a little weird. I
>> don’t smell odors well. (which has its advantages) Vocal cords are gone,
>> but I’ve learned to talk. You don’t want to know how, although it’s not
>> how
>> some people think. Now I sound like The Donald. NOT Donald Trump; Donald
>> Duck. I have a mechanical voice for a backup. The kids love to play with
>> it. I have to keep buying batteries.
>>
>> 9.      9. Then, of course there is The Heart. It’s on loan from someone
>> else. Lucky me; it’s a good one. People say, “Do you notice that some
>> things are different now?” I don’t put much stock in ‘Cell Memory’,
>> although proponents swear it’s real. I don’t believe I act or think
>> differently, but I have issues. Who am I to judge me?
>>
>> 10.    10. Finally, I have eye issues. I’ve always had great eyes. I have
>> used mild reading glasses only for twenty five years, and I finally got
>> glasses with a little correction. This is a new issue. It’s called
>> Posterior Vitreous Separation. Apparently 50% of those over 50 experience
>> it. The worry is in tearing the retina. I’m good so far, but I now have
>> what appears to be an apparition floating center stage in my left eye.
>> Actually it more closely resembles a constantly changing, transparent,
>> Rorschach image. I find myself sitting staring at it wondering what I’d
>> tell a shrink I see. Sooo Much Sexxxx. (That should perk him/her up.) I
>> did
>> see a turkey, a shrinking galaxy, a tornado, rabbit on a log. Then there
>> were the disembodied heads with scorpion tails dangling out of their
>> mouths. That’s the Sinaloa Cartel’s calling card. I’d better quit reading
>> such gruesome fiction. I’m told this issue may remain for the rest of my
>> life.
>>
>>
>>
>> Good Grief, I have issues. What am I going to do? I’m never sure how much
>> longer I’ll have to deal with these issues. Fifteen years ago, Linda and I
>> had our 35th anniversary. The goal was to make it to 50. We celebrated 50
>> last Saturday. At times I feel like a cat with nine lives and I’ve used at
>> least 4 of them. I’m not counting the close calls where an angel had to
>> interven. Like the time I scrambled off the mountain in the dark, over
>> giant boulders with lightning dancing off the rocks ALL around me. Or the
>> time I slid my car in the snow within 6 inches of an 85 foot drop into the
>> icy St Joe River. The time I tripped at a construction site and missed
>> piercing my heart with rebar by inches. Then just a few months ago, I was
>> returning from a cross state conference. It was midnight when I woke up
>> doing 100 kph clearing brush on the side of the road. By reflex I pulled
>> back and lost it. I was reasonably certain that I was the main character
>> in
>> a one car roll over show; over and over, and over. I knew there was no
>> possibility of recovery, and just like that, the car corrected and settled
>> into straight line. Maybe I’d better count Angel interventions. I’m
>> probably on auxiliary lives by now. Well, what the heck. So I have issues.
>> No point in giving in and slowing now. On the other hand; should I hire a
>> driver.
>>
>>
>>
>> In 1996, I wrote a rant about listening for God to talk to me. I think
>> that
>> I worried Janice. She wrote that she would be happy to listen if I wanted
>> to talk. Janice, I still haven’t had an audible rap with God.  I have
>> loads
>> of issues. Are you still ready to talk?
>>
>>
>> Jim
>>
>
> --
>
> /*"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie – 30/4/02*/
>
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