TheBanyanTree: Rediscovering Poetry

Mon Nov 19 12:32:58 PST 2012

Ah Your Royal Woofessness,

You speak with words that inspire the animal in me. In times past, some
have thought me a chauvinist and even a homophobe. I am neither, and yet I
am exceedingly intolerant of the stupid, the weak of character and the
spineless, regardless of stripe or gender.

I love women, BUT give me a strong woman; one who will stand up to me and
challenge me. I confess that I much prefer a feminine woman, but let her
beat me to the top of the mountain, if she can, or teach me to climb a
rope. I want her strong of spirit, confident and independent. Let her
debate me intellectually or challenge my assumptions. Let her see the world
with no boundaries and then heaven help the man who tells her to go back to
the kitchen. Like the woofess, she'll eat him for lunch, with no scraps.
Then let her be my partner for life.

Thanks you Your Highness for reminding me that this Friday November 23,
I'll be celebrating 49 years with that woman. I'm more proud of her stature
of character and continuing accomplishments every day.

Great piece of writing, and remember; you're never too old to climb a new
tree.

Jim Miller

Jim Miller

On Mon, Nov 19, 2012 at 3:33 AM, Woofess <Woofess at iinet.net.au> wrote:

> Folks,
>
> Last night while looking for some old photos on an old storage drive, I
> came across a folder of old poetry I wrote eons ago when the Internet was
> young and not yet commercial. Frankly, folks, I can't believe I managed to
> write all this stuff, cuz as sure as eggs, I could not write it now.
>
> One particular poem I writ tickled me elderly fancy. It was in response to
> an email post on a forum from your classic chauvinist porker.  I will call
> the chauvinist porker, Len. His initial post has > next to each line. Now
> for explanation, in the old days we did not have HTML and fancy formatting,
> so we were reliant on what is called ASCII code  to signal meaning. ">"
> means original text which was in an email to which we are replying. So, all
> the lines in the stuff below starting with ">" are the original email from
> said porker, Len. Any stuff underneath it is my response to said porker.
> OK, got it? Good!
>
> At 06:05 PM 21/5/96 +0000, Len XXXXXXX  wrote:
>
> >>      Intelligent Machines, Women & The InterNet
> >> ------------------------------**------------------------------**-------
> >
> >Naturally, I don't intend any insult to the female gender or
> >yourself in particular. We are a team, not single players. We are too
> >different to compare directly as my article pointed out, but in my own
> >defence and since you consider the premise faulty:-
> >
> >I can only point out the complete lack of great painters,
> >musicians,and mathematicians of the female gender.
> >Where is the female Leonardo, Michelangelo, Galileo Galilei, Goya,
> >Beethoven etc. etc. etc.
> >
> >Why is this? Doesn't it make you feminists wonder just a little?
> >
> >My answer is:- There are none because they are simply not capable
> >(generally of course)of reaching such levels of intuitive
> >advancement. Woman's brains are like the dolphin's. Evolved to solve
> >social problems rather than being creative like men. Women are
> >complimentary to men, not rivals. My own life partner can often point
> >out when someone is lying or being devious long before I see it.
> >
> >Len.
> >
> >
> FOR THOSE WHO DISLIKE BEING CATEGORISED
>
> Oh dear, I have a tale of woe to tell.
> Into the pits of misery I fell,
> When I realised that my faulty brain,
> Will never sing that sweet female refrain.
>
> I must now make a dark confession.
> I hope, friends, you'll bear with me this session.
> I tried very hard to be what I ought.
> The wise counsel of others I once sought.
>
> As to my future directions, I asked
> My mother, in whose loving warmth I basked.
> She said, "nurse, teacher or social worker".
> "But Ma!", I wailed, "I'd rather be a ghurka!"
>
> "Or join the Foreign Legion, or be broke!!
> Than devote my life to caring for folk
> And cure them of social or other ills,
> Teaching them or filling their mouths with pills!"
>
> My female kin shook their heads. In vain they
> Tried to mould me in a ladylike way.
> They taught me to knit and sew, darn and cook,
> As had their ancestors, by the same book.
>
> As I stitched, with legs crossed neatly at the calves
> My thoughts were climbing rocks, (never by halves
> Did I think things), inventing cures for cancer,
> From concept to artform image,  like a dancer,
>
> My mind would leap, while my body would escape
> At any chance to climb trees. In a scrape
> I would get with the bad kids down the street.
> To hell with dolls! Meccano was the treat!!
>
> My father aided me in rebellion,
> Taught me to box and be a hellion,
> To appreciate words and rock science
> To him, I showed no youthful defiance.
>
> As I grew up with this dichotomy
> I wondered long what would become of me
> Should I be the meek and mindless housewife?
> Should I be myself and live my own life?
>
> My self protested  loudly, "Wotthehell!"
> Female brains were like dolphins', I heard tell
> I went and spoke to the social dolphins
> In confusion they weakly waved their fins.
>
> They didn't comprehend my unique mind.
> Feminists said burn your bra, then you'll find
> True freedom, but me tits drooped on the ground!
> "Bugger the lot of em", I thought, "I'll pound
>
> The next who tries to put me in a box
> And tag according to their style of socks!"
> But Len, there's one Dolphin trait I'd be most
> Happy to adopt. (You, I *have* to roast!)
>
> Apparently, the dolphin tribe are said
> To be hornier than you studs in bed.
> Now Len, are you but a chauvinist male
> Or perhaps a dolphin with little tail?
>
> (c)Wolfess - May, 1996
>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> The Lupine steel-clawed, spandex-paw covered female..wotch out!!
>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
> ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> --
>
> Best regards,
>
> Woofie
>
> ************************************************************
>
> "The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
>
> ************************************************************
>
> Latest Photos: http://woofess.smugmug.com/
>
> Blogs: http://www.woofess.org/**woofblog/<http://www.woofess.org/woofblog/>
>
> Older Photos: http://www.pbase.com/woofess
>
>