TheBanyanTree: Rediscovering Poetry

[Mike Pingleton]

Bravo!  I love it!

-Mike


On Mon, Nov 19, 2012 at 5:33 AM, Woofess <Woofess at iinet.net.au> wrote:

> Folks,
>
> Last night while looking for some old photos on an old storage drive, I
> came across a folder of old poetry I wrote eons ago when the Internet was
> young and not yet commercial. Frankly, folks, I can't believe I managed to
> write all this stuff, cuz as sure as eggs, I could not write it now.
>
> One particular poem I writ tickled me elderly fancy. It was in response to
> an email post on a forum from your classic chauvinist porker.  I will call
> the chauvinist porker, Len. His initial post has > next to each line. Now
> for explanation, in the old days we did not have HTML and fancy formatting,
> so we were reliant on what is called ASCII code  to signal meaning. ">"
> means original text which was in an email to which we are replying. So, all
> the lines in the stuff below starting with ">" are the original email from
> said porker, Len. Any stuff underneath it is my response to said porker.
> OK, got it? Good!
>
> At 06:05 PM 21/5/96 +0000, Len XXXXXXX  wrote:
>
> >>      Intelligent Machines, Women & The InterNet
> >> ------------------------------**------------------------------**-------
> >
> >Naturally, I don't intend any insult to the female gender or
> >yourself in particular. We are a team, not single players. We are too
> >different to compare directly as my article pointed out, but in my own
> >defence and since you consider the premise faulty:-
> >
> >I can only point out the complete lack of great painters,
> >musicians,and mathematicians of the female gender.
> >Where is the female Leonardo, Michelangelo, Galileo Galilei, Goya,
> >Beethoven etc. etc. etc.
> >
> >Why is this? Doesn't it make you feminists wonder just a little?
> >
> >My answer is:- There are none because they are simply not capable
> >(generally of course)of reaching such levels of intuitive
> >advancement. Woman's brains are like the dolphin's. Evolved to solve
> >social problems rather than being creative like men. Women are
> >complimentary to men, not rivals. My own life partner can often point
> >out when someone is lying or being devious long before I see it.
> >
> >Len.
> >
> >
> FOR THOSE WHO DISLIKE BEING CATEGORISED
>
> Oh dear, I have a tale of woe to tell.
> Into the pits of misery I fell,
> When I realised that my faulty brain,
> Will never sing that sweet female refrain.
>
> I must now make a dark confession.
> I hope, friends, you'll bear with me this session.
> I tried very hard to be what I ought.
> The wise counsel of others I once sought.
>
> As to my future directions, I asked
> My mother, in whose loving warmth I basked.
> She said, "nurse, teacher or social worker".
> "But Ma!", I wailed, "I'd rather be a ghurka!"
>
> "Or join the Foreign Legion, or be broke!!
> Than devote my life to caring for folk
> And cure them of social or other ills,
> Teaching them or filling their mouths with pills!"
>
> My female kin shook their heads. In vain they
> Tried to mould me in a ladylike way.
> They taught me to knit and sew, darn and cook,
> As had their ancestors, by the same book.
>
> As I stitched, with legs crossed neatly at the calves
> My thoughts were climbing rocks, (never by halves
> Did I think things), inventing cures for cancer,
> From concept to artform image,  like a dancer,
>
> My mind would leap, while my body would escape
> At any chance to climb trees. In a scrape
> I would get with the bad kids down the street.
> To hell with dolls! Meccano was the treat!!
>
> My father aided me in rebellion,
> Taught me to box and be a hellion,
> To appreciate words and rock science
> To him, I showed no youthful defiance.
>
> As I grew up with this dichotomy
> I wondered long what would become of me
> Should I be the meek and mindless housewife?
> Should I be myself and live my own life?
>
> My self protested  loudly, "Wotthehell!"
> Female brains were like dolphins', I heard tell
> I went and spoke to the social dolphins
> In confusion they weakly waved their fins.
>
> They didn't comprehend my unique mind.
> Feminists said burn your bra, then you'll find
> True freedom, but me tits drooped on the ground!
> "Bugger the lot of em", I thought, "I'll pound
>
> The next who tries to put me in a box
> And tag according to their style of socks!"
> But Len, there's one Dolphin trait I'd be most
> Happy to adopt. (You, I *have* to roast!)
>
> Apparently, the dolphin tribe are said
> To be hornier than you studs in bed.
> Now Len, are you but a chauvinist male
> Or perhaps a dolphin with little tail?
>
> (c)Wolfess - May, 1996
>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> The Lupine steel-clawed, spandex-paw covered female..wotch out!!
>  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
> ~~~~~~~~~~
>
>
> --
>
> Best regards,
>
> Woofie
>
> ************************************************************
>
> "The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
>
> ************************************************************
>
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>
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>
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>
>