TheBanyanTree: Tales of an insomniac

[Russ Doden]

I never thought of myself as an insomniac.  After all, I'm one of those
people that can be asleep within 15 minutes when I go to bed at night.  I'm
also one of those people that will never qualify as a "night owl" as I turn
into a pumpkin as it were, somewhere between 10:00and 11:00 at night.  No
matter the hour I go to bed though, on those rare nights I stay up, I wake
up between 6:00 and 6:30 every morning.  Wake up for the day that is.  I
often wake up many times during the night - usually between 3:00 and 4:00 -
sometimes I can quickly go back to sleep - often though I lay there,
thinking many thoughts, some grand and full of . . . hope for the future.
Most are terribly mundane though.

Today had been a good day - I should sleep the night - especially since I
had not had a really good rest the night before - as so often happens.  I
had spent the morning visiting with friends, joining the first half of their
celebration of a wedding anniversary for them.  Good friends with good
conversation and a lot of laughter is always a great way to begin a day.
After that, I had gone to another good friends home to strip out the wiring
harness for a trailer hook up out of her son's vehicle so it could be put in
another vehicle for another friend.  This, in spite of it being 104 degrees
out with a heat index in excess of 110.  I left there physically drained -
prime for a good nights rest.  After a cooling shower and a relatively light
meal, it was off to meet with some Mensa friends - an organization I'm a
member of, and we meet on the second Saturday of the month - mostly to chat
about the most trivial of things - and share a lot of laughter.  I left
there early, it being about 8:45, as I was getting tired after a full and
busy day.

I came home, watched a bit of TV, did my evening meditation, and went to bed
- about 10:30 - hoping for a good nights rest.  True to form, I fell asleep
promptly - but alas, also true to form, I woke up at 3:41.  I lay there
thinking of the mathematical significance of that number - then realized the
last two digits were transposed.  So much for deep thought.

Getting up after laying there a while, I thought maybe an extra bit of
meditation time would be the ticket to a return trip to dreamland.  Even the
meditation was poor.  So many thoughts were colliding in my mind.  The
"monkey mind" was swinging from branch to branch, not settling down
anywhere.  So, here I sit, at the keyboard, talking to friends, most of whom
I may never meet.

As I sat here, I thought I would collect the myriad of thoughts that were
the transient residents of my mind.  I put them down and looked at them.
What happened the the sparkle and shimmer that they held just minutes ago.
They sit there on the screen, dead, lifeless.  Hit the delete key and try
again.  More dead and lifeless words tumble onto the screen.  When did they
lose their life?

I could have a glass of wine to relax me, but I have gone down that slope
before - more than once.  I have no desire to travel that path again.  It no
longer holds any interest.  Besides, I may not be strong enough - or smart
enough - to once more find my way back out of the maze that path leads to.

At least tomorrow is Sunday (or is it proper to say today is Sunday since it
is 4:19 in the morning).  I can take a nap if I desire.  "So what" part of
my mind spits back.  "You are semi-retired setting your own hours for the
activities you do pursue, and taking naps when you can no longer go any
more."  The inner critic is relentless in its attack at times.

Time to try again, maybe another brief meditation, maybe I'll just go lay
down and have another long conversation with "All That Is".  The "Sacred
Mystery" is a good conversationalist, always available, and always attentive
and full of ideas I would never think of.  It is good to have a friend like
that - always awake, never bored with my conversation, and always
comforting.

Peace, Love, and Cupcakes to all.  (Where did that bit on "cupcakes" come
from?)
Russ

-- 
Take things one day at a time
If that is too much, go 1 hour at a time
If that is too much, go 1 minute at a time
Miracles come one minute at a time.