TheBanyanTree: Tales of an insomniac

[Sachet]

This was soothing to read, Russ. I woke up a little before 4am with 
nightmares. I never have nightmares; which made them all the more 
unsettling. I was going to read a book, but picked up my laptop instead. 
There's always something to interest me online. But when I logged into 
FB, no one was there, not even an Aussie; which is odd. I like being 
able to communicate with a friend 24/7. I take it for granted in the 
best of ways.

And voila, your post arrives. Very serendipitous, that.



On 7/10/2011 5:39 AM, Russ Doden wrote:
> I never thought of myself as an insomniac.  After all, I'm one of those
> people that can be asleep within 15 minutes when I go to bed at night.  I'm
> also one of those people that will never qualify as a "night owl" as I turn
> into a pumpkin as it were, somewhere between 10:00and 11:00 at night.  No
> matter the hour I go to bed though, on those rare nights I stay up, I wake
> up between 6:00 and 6:30 every morning.  Wake up for the day that is.  I
> often wake up many times during the night - usually between 3:00 and 4:00 -
> sometimes I can quickly go back to sleep - often though I lay there,
> thinking many thoughts, some grand and full of . . . hope for the future.
> Most are terribly mundane though.
>
> Today had been a good day - I should sleep the night - especially since I
> had not had a really good rest the night before - as so often happens.  I
> had spent the morning visiting with friends, joining the first half of their
> celebration of a wedding anniversary for them.  Good friends with good
> conversation and a lot of laughter is always a great way to begin a day.
> After that, I had gone to another good friends home to strip out the wiring
> harness for a trailer hook up out of her son's vehicle so it could be put in
> another vehicle for another friend.  This, in spite of it being 104 degrees
> out with a heat index in excess of 110.  I left there physically drained -
> prime for a good nights rest.  After a cooling shower and a relatively light
> meal, it was off to meet with some Mensa friends - an organization I'm a
> member of, and we meet on the second Saturday of the month - mostly to chat
> about the most trivial of things - and share a lot of laughter.  I left
> there early, it being about 8:45, as I was getting tired after a full and
> busy day.
>
> I came home, watched a bit of TV, did my evening meditation, and went to bed
> - about 10:30 - hoping for a good nights rest.  True to form, I fell asleep
> promptly - but alas, also true to form, I woke up at 3:41.  I lay there
> thinking of the mathematical significance of that number - then realized the
> last two digits were transposed.  So much for deep thought.
>
> Getting up after laying there a while, I thought maybe an extra bit of
> meditation time would be the ticket to a return trip to dreamland.  Even the
> meditation was poor.  So many thoughts were colliding in my mind.  The
> "monkey mind" was swinging from branch to branch, not settling down
> anywhere.  So, here I sit, at the keyboard, talking to friends, most of whom
> I may never meet.
>
> As I sat here, I thought I would collect the myriad of thoughts that were
> the transient residents of my mind.  I put them down and looked at them.
> What happened the the sparkle and shimmer that they held just minutes ago.
> They sit there on the screen, dead, lifeless.  Hit the delete key and try
> again.  More dead and lifeless words tumble onto the screen.  When did they
> lose their life?
>
> I could have a glass of wine to relax me, but I have gone down that slope
> before - more than once.  I have no desire to travel that path again.  It no
> longer holds any interest.  Besides, I may not be strong enough - or smart
> enough - to once more find my way back out of the maze that path leads to.
>
> At least tomorrow is Sunday (or is it proper to say today is Sunday since it
> is 4:19 in the morning).  I can take a nap if I desire.  "So what" part of
> my mind spits back.  "You are semi-retired setting your own hours for the
> activities you do pursue, and taking naps when you can no longer go any
> more."  The inner critic is relentless in its attack at times.
>
> Time to try again, maybe another brief meditation, maybe I'll just go lay
> down and have another long conversation with "All That Is".  The "Sacred
> Mystery" is a good conversationalist, always available, and always attentive
> and full of ideas I would never think of.  It is good to have a friend like
> that - always awake, never bored with my conversation, and always
> comforting.
>
> Peace, Love, and Cupcakes to all.  (Where did that bit on "cupcakes" come
> from?)
> Russ
>