TheBanyanTree: Friendly Eyes

[Monique Colver]

Well, you DO!

M

On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 12:35 PM, auntiesash <auntiesash at gmail.com> wrote:

> I'm gonna have to take my friends' word on that one.
>
> Thanks.
>
> sash
>
> On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 12:31 PM, Sachet <MountainWhisper at att.net> wrote:
>
> > Yep, powerful love. So pure and unconditional. You have such a beautiful
> > soul, sash.
> >
> >
> > On 1/3/2011 5:35 PM, Pam Lawley wrote:
> >
> >> Wow.  Powerful, powerful stuff.
> >>
> >> Wow.
> >>
> >> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 4:24 PM, auntiesash<auntiesash at gmail.com>
>  wrote:
> >>
> >>  It was nice to sit at the table over coffee and toast.  This friend,
> >>> reappearing after months of random texts and status updates, had
> knocked
> >>> on
> >>> the door about 1:15 in the morning and had slept soundly on our couch
> >>> from
> >>> 1:25 until 10:30.
> >>>
> >>> "I knew I could just show up" he said.  "I'm glad you got the text from
> >>> Medford, but I knew that I had to escape California and you would let
> me
> >>> in
> >>> whenever I got here.  I guess you guys saved my life again."
> >>>
> >>> I handed him two more slices of toast.  "That's a little dramatic for a
> >>> night on our couch and some breakfast"
> >>>
> >>> "I can't believe you even have *Nutella* for me!  And I'm not being
> >>> dramatic.  I wouldn't have made it to Seattle and I just couldn't face
> a
> >>> hotel room... or sleeping in my car.  It's nuts... I lived in Oregon
> for
> >>> 6
> >>> years, and do you know that you are the only ones still in my cell
> phone?
> >>>  I
> >>> mean it.  I've removed everyone from my cell phone, one at a time,
> unless
> >>> I
> >>> knew I could really count on them.  In the entire state of Oregon, you
> >>> guys
> >>> are it.  Look at this..."  He handed me the cell phone.  "there are
> only
> >>> 6
> >>> names in and one of those is my dad."
> >>>
> >>> I tried to joke about how important it is to leave other numbers in
> your
> >>> contact list, if only so you can avoid answering sometimes, but he was
> in
> >>> no
> >>> mood for joking around.  He gripped the Tigger coffee mug and said "You
> >>> know, I thought I was dead.  That time...was it 2 years ago... when the
> >>> dance finished up.  I stayed out there until the tree came down.  I was
> >>> exhausted and then I got sick.  I stayed in my tent for 2 full days...
> >>> you
> >>> remember how it rained that year?  For 2 days and noone checked on me
> or
> >>> looked for me.  I don't know if they even knew I was there and after
> the
> >>> first day and night, I didn't know if I was there either.  I thought I
> >>> might
> >>> not be there... I might be dead... or something else... but not there."
> >>>
> >>> "Then the day came to take the tree down and you came back to camp and
> >>> you
> >>> showed up at my tent.  You came over and woke me up and told me to come
> >>> eat
> >>> some scrambled eggs.  You made there incredible eggs with cheese and
> Ned
> >>> made me toast with Nutella.  Ed handed me some coffee and told me I
> >>> looked
> >>> awful.  Then after we took the tree down, I was trying to pack up my
> >>> stuff
> >>> and you guys just made me sit down.  You packed everything and you told
> >>> me
> >>> to come home with you.  I barely even knew you guys then and you
> brought
> >>> me
> >>> back here and I sat at this table.  How long did I stay - 3 days, maybe
> >>> 4?
> >>>  It was like you wouldn't let me leave, even though you didn't say
> that.
> >>>  You fed me and we played video games and you said things...."  He
> looked
> >>> back at me "You said things that let me know that you'd seen it too...
> >>> and
> >>> been there too... and you know how people are... and you keep trying to
> >>> love... and mostly, I just know that you cared if I was gonna be OK or
> >>> not."
> >>>
> >>> His eyes refocused on the room.  "You guys effin saved me and I don't
> >>> think
> >>> you were even trying to.  You just did it.  You were just being who you
> >>> are.
> >>>  You're doing it right now, you know?  Letting me rant and poor out my
> >>> guts
> >>> on your toast.  I can't effin believe you have Nutella."
> >>>
> >>> ****
> >>> The chain is so shiny and delicate.  Every time I touch it I feel a
> >>> little
> >>> nervous... as if just brushing my hand on it I might suddenly become
> >>> awkward
> >>> and catch my finger and it would snap in two.  I like to touch it,
> >>> though.
> >>>  I brush my finger across the smooth silver plate, adjusting it to stay
> >>> centered on my throat.
> >>>
> >>> I keep ducking into the bathroom to look in the mirror.  It's really
> >>> beautiful - hanging right at the points of my collarbone.  Not that you
> >>> can
> >>> actually see my clavicle.  I'm about 20 pounds past being able to see
> the
> >>> shape and bone structure, but I can feel that it rests perfectly there.
> >>>  It's classy and dainty and sophisticated.
> >>>
> >>> I lean into the mirror to look at the text.  I can't read it, of
> course.
> >>>  My
> >>> eyes are too weak.  It's also in italics...and backwards, of course, in
> >>> the
> >>> mirror.  I can see the shape of the word but not the details and I
> can't
> >>> quite remember what it says.   I remember what it means.  The English
> >>> version in equally precise script is on the side next to my skin.
>  "Soul
> >>> Friend" it says, but I can't pull up the Gaelic and I don't want to
> take
> >>> the
> >>> necklace off to look.
> >>>
> >>> ****
> >>> It is one of my most impassioned prayers.
> >>>
> >>> "I pray" I will say to husband "that you could feel, for just one
> >>> heartbeat,
> >>> how much I love you and that you could see, for just one blink of the
> >>> eye,
> >>> how beautiful and amazing you are to me.  If you could see that and
> feel
> >>> that, you would know something so important about who you are."
> >>>
> >>> "I wish" I tell my son "I wish that you could know in your heart of
> >>> hearts,
> >>> even for one day, the promise and kindness and joy that you bring to
> >>> creation.  If you could feel that, you would never feel alone or
> separate
> >>> from the world again"
> >>>
> >>> "Oh dear LORD" I say to my friends "If you could hear your thoughts and
> >>> read
> >>> your words and see your soul the way I hear and read and see you, you
> >>> would
> >>> never stop thinking or writing or being you because you are ALL things
> >>> awesome and miraculous."
> >>>
> >>> ****
> >>> I feel different today.
> >>>
> >>> As often and as passionately as I've prayed and wished and exclaimed, I
> >>> have
> >>> never, ever thought to look for that prayer for myself.  But today, at
> >>> least
> >>> for today, I am holding my head just so - not only to show off this
> >>> lovely
> >>> necklace but because, well, because someone I love very much looked at
> >>> this
> >>> beautiful, dainty, elegant necklace and thought of me.
> >>>
> >>> And today, at least for today, I am aware that I have the power to save
> >>> lives.  Not by force or miracle, but by feeding and loving and smiling
> >>> and
> >>> being.
> >>>
> >>> As much as my inner self may boggle at these thoughts, I am choosing to
> >>> see
> >>> myself, at least for this day, through the eyes of my friends.  My
> >>> precious
> >>> friends who have no idea how they touch my life... how they give me
> >>> confidence and grace and love and meaning.
> >>>
> >>> If only they could, just for a moment, see what I see.....
> >>>
> >>> sash
> >>> 2011
> >>>
> >>> --
> >>> Everyone is from somewhere
> >>> Even if you've never been there.
> >>> So take a minute to remember
> >>> The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
> >>> - *Jethro Tull*
> >>>
> >>>
> >>
>
>
> --
> Everyone is from somewhere
> Even if you've never been there.
> So take a minute to remember
> The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
> - *Jethro Tull*
>



-- 
Monique Colver