TheBanyanTree: Friendly Eyes

[auntiesash]

I'm gonna have to take my friends' word on that one.

Thanks.

sash

On Tue, Jan 4, 2011 at 12:31 PM, Sachet <MountainWhisper at att.net> wrote:

> Yep, powerful love. So pure and unconditional. You have such a beautiful
> soul, sash.
>
>
> On 1/3/2011 5:35 PM, Pam Lawley wrote:
>
>> Wow.  Powerful, powerful stuff.
>>
>> Wow.
>>
>> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 4:24 PM, auntiesash<auntiesash at gmail.com>  wrote:
>>
>>  It was nice to sit at the table over coffee and toast.  This friend,
>>> reappearing after months of random texts and status updates, had knocked
>>> on
>>> the door about 1:15 in the morning and had slept soundly on our couch
>>> from
>>> 1:25 until 10:30.
>>>
>>> "I knew I could just show up" he said.  "I'm glad you got the text from
>>> Medford, but I knew that I had to escape California and you would let me
>>> in
>>> whenever I got here.  I guess you guys saved my life again."
>>>
>>> I handed him two more slices of toast.  "That's a little dramatic for a
>>> night on our couch and some breakfast"
>>>
>>> "I can't believe you even have *Nutella* for me!  And I'm not being
>>> dramatic.  I wouldn't have made it to Seattle and I just couldn't face a
>>> hotel room... or sleeping in my car.  It's nuts... I lived in Oregon for
>>> 6
>>> years, and do you know that you are the only ones still in my cell phone?
>>>  I
>>> mean it.  I've removed everyone from my cell phone, one at a time, unless
>>> I
>>> knew I could really count on them.  In the entire state of Oregon, you
>>> guys
>>> are it.  Look at this..."  He handed me the cell phone.  "there are only
>>> 6
>>> names in and one of those is my dad."
>>>
>>> I tried to joke about how important it is to leave other numbers in your
>>> contact list, if only so you can avoid answering sometimes, but he was in
>>> no
>>> mood for joking around.  He gripped the Tigger coffee mug and said "You
>>> know, I thought I was dead.  That time...was it 2 years ago... when the
>>> dance finished up.  I stayed out there until the tree came down.  I was
>>> exhausted and then I got sick.  I stayed in my tent for 2 full days...
>>> you
>>> remember how it rained that year?  For 2 days and noone checked on me or
>>> looked for me.  I don't know if they even knew I was there and after the
>>> first day and night, I didn't know if I was there either.  I thought I
>>> might
>>> not be there... I might be dead... or something else... but not there."
>>>
>>> "Then the day came to take the tree down and you came back to camp and
>>> you
>>> showed up at my tent.  You came over and woke me up and told me to come
>>> eat
>>> some scrambled eggs.  You made there incredible eggs with cheese and Ned
>>> made me toast with Nutella.  Ed handed me some coffee and told me I
>>> looked
>>> awful.  Then after we took the tree down, I was trying to pack up my
>>> stuff
>>> and you guys just made me sit down.  You packed everything and you told
>>> me
>>> to come home with you.  I barely even knew you guys then and you brought
>>> me
>>> back here and I sat at this table.  How long did I stay - 3 days, maybe
>>> 4?
>>>  It was like you wouldn't let me leave, even though you didn't say that.
>>>  You fed me and we played video games and you said things...."  He looked
>>> back at me "You said things that let me know that you'd seen it too...
>>> and
>>> been there too... and you know how people are... and you keep trying to
>>> love... and mostly, I just know that you cared if I was gonna be OK or
>>> not."
>>>
>>> His eyes refocused on the room.  "You guys effin saved me and I don't
>>> think
>>> you were even trying to.  You just did it.  You were just being who you
>>> are.
>>>  You're doing it right now, you know?  Letting me rant and poor out my
>>> guts
>>> on your toast.  I can't effin believe you have Nutella."
>>>
>>> ****
>>> The chain is so shiny and delicate.  Every time I touch it I feel a
>>> little
>>> nervous... as if just brushing my hand on it I might suddenly become
>>> awkward
>>> and catch my finger and it would snap in two.  I like to touch it,
>>> though.
>>>  I brush my finger across the smooth silver plate, adjusting it to stay
>>> centered on my throat.
>>>
>>> I keep ducking into the bathroom to look in the mirror.  It's really
>>> beautiful - hanging right at the points of my collarbone.  Not that you
>>> can
>>> actually see my clavicle.  I'm about 20 pounds past being able to see the
>>> shape and bone structure, but I can feel that it rests perfectly there.
>>>  It's classy and dainty and sophisticated.
>>>
>>> I lean into the mirror to look at the text.  I can't read it, of course.
>>>  My
>>> eyes are too weak.  It's also in italics...and backwards, of course, in
>>> the
>>> mirror.  I can see the shape of the word but not the details and I can't
>>> quite remember what it says.   I remember what it means.  The English
>>> version in equally precise script is on the side next to my skin.  "Soul
>>> Friend" it says, but I can't pull up the Gaelic and I don't want to take
>>> the
>>> necklace off to look.
>>>
>>> ****
>>> It is one of my most impassioned prayers.
>>>
>>> "I pray" I will say to husband "that you could feel, for just one
>>> heartbeat,
>>> how much I love you and that you could see, for just one blink of the
>>> eye,
>>> how beautiful and amazing you are to me.  If you could see that and feel
>>> that, you would know something so important about who you are."
>>>
>>> "I wish" I tell my son "I wish that you could know in your heart of
>>> hearts,
>>> even for one day, the promise and kindness and joy that you bring to
>>> creation.  If you could feel that, you would never feel alone or separate
>>> from the world again"
>>>
>>> "Oh dear LORD" I say to my friends "If you could hear your thoughts and
>>> read
>>> your words and see your soul the way I hear and read and see you, you
>>> would
>>> never stop thinking or writing or being you because you are ALL things
>>> awesome and miraculous."
>>>
>>> ****
>>> I feel different today.
>>>
>>> As often and as passionately as I've prayed and wished and exclaimed, I
>>> have
>>> never, ever thought to look for that prayer for myself.  But today, at
>>> least
>>> for today, I am holding my head just so - not only to show off this
>>> lovely
>>> necklace but because, well, because someone I love very much looked at
>>> this
>>> beautiful, dainty, elegant necklace and thought of me.
>>>
>>> And today, at least for today, I am aware that I have the power to save
>>> lives.  Not by force or miracle, but by feeding and loving and smiling
>>> and
>>> being.
>>>
>>> As much as my inner self may boggle at these thoughts, I am choosing to
>>> see
>>> myself, at least for this day, through the eyes of my friends.  My
>>> precious
>>> friends who have no idea how they touch my life... how they give me
>>> confidence and grace and love and meaning.
>>>
>>> If only they could, just for a moment, see what I see.....
>>>
>>> sash
>>> 2011
>>>
>>> --
>>> Everyone is from somewhere
>>> Even if you've never been there.
>>> So take a minute to remember
>>> The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
>>> - *Jethro Tull*
>>>
>>>
>>


-- 
Everyone is from somewhere
Even if you've never been there.
So take a minute to remember
The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
- *Jethro Tull*