TheBanyanTree: Friendly Eyes

[Sachet]

Yep, powerful love. So pure and unconditional. You have such a beautiful 
soul, sash.

On 1/3/2011 5:35 PM, Pam Lawley wrote:
> Wow.  Powerful, powerful stuff.
>
> Wow.
>
> On Mon, Jan 3, 2011 at 4:24 PM, auntiesash<auntiesash at gmail.com>  wrote:
>
>> It was nice to sit at the table over coffee and toast.  This friend,
>> reappearing after months of random texts and status updates, had knocked on
>> the door about 1:15 in the morning and had slept soundly on our couch from
>> 1:25 until 10:30.
>>
>> "I knew I could just show up" he said.  "I'm glad you got the text from
>> Medford, but I knew that I had to escape California and you would let me in
>> whenever I got here.  I guess you guys saved my life again."
>>
>> I handed him two more slices of toast.  "That's a little dramatic for a
>> night on our couch and some breakfast"
>>
>> "I can't believe you even have *Nutella* for me!  And I'm not being
>> dramatic.  I wouldn't have made it to Seattle and I just couldn't face a
>> hotel room... or sleeping in my car.  It's nuts... I lived in Oregon for 6
>> years, and do you know that you are the only ones still in my cell phone?
>>   I
>> mean it.  I've removed everyone from my cell phone, one at a time, unless I
>> knew I could really count on them.  In the entire state of Oregon, you guys
>> are it.  Look at this..."  He handed me the cell phone.  "there are only 6
>> names in and one of those is my dad."
>>
>> I tried to joke about how important it is to leave other numbers in your
>> contact list, if only so you can avoid answering sometimes, but he was in
>> no
>> mood for joking around.  He gripped the Tigger coffee mug and said "You
>> know, I thought I was dead.  That time...was it 2 years ago... when the
>> dance finished up.  I stayed out there until the tree came down.  I was
>> exhausted and then I got sick.  I stayed in my tent for 2 full days... you
>> remember how it rained that year?  For 2 days and noone checked on me or
>> looked for me.  I don't know if they even knew I was there and after the
>> first day and night, I didn't know if I was there either.  I thought I
>> might
>> not be there... I might be dead... or something else... but not there."
>>
>> "Then the day came to take the tree down and you came back to camp and you
>> showed up at my tent.  You came over and woke me up and told me to come eat
>> some scrambled eggs.  You made there incredible eggs with cheese and Ned
>> made me toast with Nutella.  Ed handed me some coffee and told me I looked
>> awful.  Then after we took the tree down, I was trying to pack up my stuff
>> and you guys just made me sit down.  You packed everything and you told me
>> to come home with you.  I barely even knew you guys then and you brought me
>> back here and I sat at this table.  How long did I stay - 3 days, maybe 4?
>>   It was like you wouldn't let me leave, even though you didn't say that.
>>   You fed me and we played video games and you said things...."  He looked
>> back at me "You said things that let me know that you'd seen it too... and
>> been there too... and you know how people are... and you keep trying to
>> love... and mostly, I just know that you cared if I was gonna be OK or
>> not."
>>
>> His eyes refocused on the room.  "You guys effin saved me and I don't think
>> you were even trying to.  You just did it.  You were just being who you
>> are.
>>   You're doing it right now, you know?  Letting me rant and poor out my guts
>> on your toast.  I can't effin believe you have Nutella."
>>
>> ****
>> The chain is so shiny and delicate.  Every time I touch it I feel a little
>> nervous... as if just brushing my hand on it I might suddenly become
>> awkward
>> and catch my finger and it would snap in two.  I like to touch it, though.
>>   I brush my finger across the smooth silver plate, adjusting it to stay
>> centered on my throat.
>>
>> I keep ducking into the bathroom to look in the mirror.  It's really
>> beautiful - hanging right at the points of my collarbone.  Not that you can
>> actually see my clavicle.  I'm about 20 pounds past being able to see the
>> shape and bone structure, but I can feel that it rests perfectly there.
>>   It's classy and dainty and sophisticated.
>>
>> I lean into the mirror to look at the text.  I can't read it, of course.
>>   My
>> eyes are too weak.  It's also in italics...and backwards, of course, in the
>> mirror.  I can see the shape of the word but not the details and I can't
>> quite remember what it says.   I remember what it means.  The English
>> version in equally precise script is on the side next to my skin.  "Soul
>> Friend" it says, but I can't pull up the Gaelic and I don't want to take
>> the
>> necklace off to look.
>>
>> ****
>> It is one of my most impassioned prayers.
>>
>> "I pray" I will say to husband "that you could feel, for just one
>> heartbeat,
>> how much I love you and that you could see, for just one blink of the eye,
>> how beautiful and amazing you are to me.  If you could see that and feel
>> that, you would know something so important about who you are."
>>
>> "I wish" I tell my son "I wish that you could know in your heart of hearts,
>> even for one day, the promise and kindness and joy that you bring to
>> creation.  If you could feel that, you would never feel alone or separate
>> from the world again"
>>
>> "Oh dear LORD" I say to my friends "If you could hear your thoughts and
>> read
>> your words and see your soul the way I hear and read and see you, you would
>> never stop thinking or writing or being you because you are ALL things
>> awesome and miraculous."
>>
>> ****
>> I feel different today.
>>
>> As often and as passionately as I've prayed and wished and exclaimed, I
>> have
>> never, ever thought to look for that prayer for myself.  But today, at
>> least
>> for today, I am holding my head just so - not only to show off this lovely
>> necklace but because, well, because someone I love very much looked at this
>> beautiful, dainty, elegant necklace and thought of me.
>>
>> And today, at least for today, I am aware that I have the power to save
>> lives.  Not by force or miracle, but by feeding and loving and smiling and
>> being.
>>
>> As much as my inner self may boggle at these thoughts, I am choosing to see
>> myself, at least for this day, through the eyes of my friends.  My precious
>> friends who have no idea how they touch my life... how they give me
>> confidence and grace and love and meaning.
>>
>> If only they could, just for a moment, see what I see.....
>>
>> sash
>> 2011
>>
>> --
>> Everyone is from somewhere
>> Even if you've never been there.
>> So take a minute to remember
>> The part of you that might be the Old Man calling me.
>> - *Jethro Tull*
>>
>