TheBanyanTree: Some Muvvers really DO have em!!

[Roger Pye]

Wot? You mean, you SHOOT wiv real guns and real ammo? And they LET you? 
My God, no wonder the Western Australian miners 'n' all are revolting!!

roger

Woofie wrote:
> Folks,
> I   am  sitting  here  shaking. I am a bundle of nerves. I am a bundle
> of  nerves  and  trepidation due to what is spread all over the dining
> room table...
> 
> Half  an hour ago, the Spouse announced very proudly, "I've just taken
> my Marlin 1894 lever action completely apart - Look!"
> 
> I looked.
> 
> He had!.
> 
> Every conceivable and tiny part of that gun was now separate from all
> its other microscopic bits and spread all over the table. I can just
> hope that all the tiny bits do not move from the table!
> 
> Alas,  I  do  not  feel  confident  that  that rifle will get put back
> together again with all the relevant microscopic parts. That's because
> whenever  the  Spouse  takes  anything apart, he ALWAYS either ends up
> with  too  many parts left over, or not enough!  And, when springs are
> involved,  parts  caterpault  at  the  speed of light never to be seen
> again;)
> 
> You  may  be  wondering what caused the Spouse to have this sudden and
> terrible  urge  to  take his gun apart. OK, let's backtrack an hour or
> so...
> ......................................
> 
> [UhOH!...I  just  heard  the  sound  of  a  spring and a loud noise of
> something hitting something hard and a curse from the Spouse...]
> 
> 
> Now, where was I? Yeah...backtracking an hour or so...right...
> 
> Backtracking  an  hour  or  so  ago  to  yet another suddenly screamed
> curse...
> 
> "ARRRGGGHHHHH!,  Woofie's taking pics of me bum!!!" screeched me mate,
> Tom.
> 
> "So what?" sez everyone around in unison.
> 
> "YOU  DON'T  UNDERSTAND!"screeched Tom, "SHE WILL STICK THEM UP ON THE
> INTERNET AND EVERYONE WILL SEE ME BUM!"
> 
> "Oh shaddup!" I snorted, " What's wrong with that? You gotta cute bum,
> so folks will enjoy looking at it:)"
> 
> You  can see the pic of the Spouse (left) and Tom (he does have a cute
> bum, folks! Right).
> 
> http://www.pbase.com/woofess/image/124821812
> 
> Now,  Tom  was  being the good friend that he is, by trying to fix the
> Spouse's carbine wot was broke.
> 
> Now,  as an aside to this whole sorry tale, I was surprised to see Tom
> today, That's because Tom produced an offspring late last year and his
> freedom from domesticity has been somewhat err cramped.
> 
> I  was  even  more surprised to see that Tom had not come alone to the
> club, but had a bevy of attractive young females with him.
> 
> "Where's your offspring?" I asked him when he rocked up.
> 
> "In  Taiwan  with  the wife!" he explained, "That is why I got to come
> shooting today!"
> 
> As to his bevy of young fillies - no..I decided not to ask!;)
> 
> OK..better get back on target..or so to speak..
> 
> The  reason  why  Tom  was trying to fix the Spouse's lever action was
> because the Spouse had lent it to our friend, Nick.
> 
> Nick had taken one shot and it had jammed up!
> 
> Please  note  that  this  gun  had  always,  always,  always,  behaved
> impeccably before.
> 
> BUT, after one shot by Nick, it seized up, totally!
> 
> Nick  had jammed it up sooooo badly that it took the efforts of Tom an
> hour  or  so  to unjam it. By that time, it was starting to rain again
> and getting late and Tom had all these fillies to activate, so we gave
> up shooting for the day. Now, you might think I am being a bit hard on
> Nick, but you see, that is not the whole story...
> 
> The reason why Nick was using the Spouse's gun was because he ...
> 
> HAD JUST BROKEN MY LEVER ACTION, AS WELL!!!!!!
> 
> Yes folks! Today we had what is called a practical rifle match at the
> club. With practical rifle, you are limited to handgun loads such as
> 357 or 44 magnum. I had discouraged Nick (who does not own an
> appropriate rifle) from using his 22, because 22s can't knock over
> steel targets. Instead I had magnaminously (or magnuminously?) said
> Nick could use my carbine for the match.
> 
> Folks!!  He  broke  it!  He  broke  it  sooo badly that my poor little
> carbine had to be retired from the match!!!!!!
> 
> Folks, I just know there is a moral to this story - actually there are
> probably a lot of morals to this story, but I am not sure which is the
> right one...
> 
> Meanwhile...is there such a thing as justifiable homicide?
> 
> Oh yeah...and that loud noise and curse from the Spouse a while back?
> 
> Yup! You guessed it! A screw went AWOL!
> 
> Woof,  muttering a mantra to herself.."I am gonna keep calm...I am not
> gonna kill anybody...I am gonna take a slow deep breath...."
> 
> 
>   
>