TheBanyanTree: Some Muvvers really DO have em!!

[Woofie]

Folks,
I   am  sitting  here  shaking. I am a bundle of nerves. I am a bundle
of  nerves  and  trepidation due to what is spread all over the dining
room table...

Half  an hour ago, the Spouse announced very proudly, "I've just taken
my Marlin 1894 lever action completely apart - Look!"

I looked.

He had!.

Every conceivable and tiny part of that gun was now separate from all
its other microscopic bits and spread all over the table. I can just
hope that all the tiny bits do not move from the table!

Alas,  I  do  not  feel  confident  that  that rifle will get put back
together again with all the relevant microscopic parts. That's because
whenever  the  Spouse  takes  anything apart, he ALWAYS either ends up
with  too  many parts left over, or not enough!  And, when springs are
involved,  parts  caterpault  at  the  speed of light never to be seen
again;)

You  may  be  wondering what caused the Spouse to have this sudden and
terrible  urge  to  take his gun apart. OK, let's backtrack an hour or
so...
......................................

[UhOH!...I  just  heard  the  sound  of  a  spring and a loud noise of
something hitting something hard and a curse from the Spouse...]


Now, where was I? Yeah...backtracking an hour or so...right...

Backtracking  an  hour  or  so  ago  to  yet another suddenly screamed
curse...

"ARRRGGGHHHHH!,  Woofie's taking pics of me bum!!!" screeched me mate,
Tom.

"So what?" sez everyone around in unison.

"YOU  DON'T  UNDERSTAND!"screeched Tom, "SHE WILL STICK THEM UP ON THE
INTERNET AND EVERYONE WILL SEE ME BUM!"

"Oh shaddup!" I snorted, " What's wrong with that? You gotta cute bum,
so folks will enjoy looking at it:)"

You  can see the pic of the Spouse (left) and Tom (he does have a cute
bum, folks! Right).

http://www.pbase.com/woofess/image/124821812

Now,  Tom  was  being the good friend that he is, by trying to fix the
Spouse's carbine wot was broke.

Now,  as an aside to this whole sorry tale, I was surprised to see Tom
today, That's because Tom produced an offspring late last year and his
freedom from domesticity has been somewhat err cramped.

I  was  even  more surprised to see that Tom had not come alone to the
club, but had a bevy of attractive young females with him.

"Where's your offspring?" I asked him when he rocked up.

"In  Taiwan  with  the wife!" he explained, "That is why I got to come
shooting today!"

As to his bevy of young fillies - no..I decided not to ask!;)

OK..better get back on target..or so to speak..

The  reason  why  Tom  was trying to fix the Spouse's lever action was
because the Spouse had lent it to our friend, Nick.

Nick had taken one shot and it had jammed up!

Please  note  that  this  gun  had  always,  always,  always,  behaved
impeccably before.

BUT, after one shot by Nick, it seized up, totally!

Nick  had jammed it up sooooo badly that it took the efforts of Tom an
hour  or  so  to unjam it. By that time, it was starting to rain again
and getting late and Tom had all these fillies to activate, so we gave
up shooting for the day. Now, you might think I am being a bit hard on
Nick, but you see, that is not the whole story...

The reason why Nick was using the Spouse's gun was because he ...

HAD JUST BROKEN MY LEVER ACTION, AS WELL!!!!!!

Yes folks! Today we had what is called a practical rifle match at the
club. With practical rifle, you are limited to handgun loads such as
357 or 44 magnum. I had discouraged Nick (who does not own an
appropriate rifle) from using his 22, because 22s can't knock over
steel targets. Instead I had magnaminously (or magnuminously?) said
Nick could use my carbine for the match.

Folks!!  He  broke  it!  He  broke  it  sooo badly that my poor little
carbine had to be retired from the match!!!!!!

Folks, I just know there is a moral to this story - actually there are
probably a lot of morals to this story, but I am not sure which is the
right one...

Meanwhile...is there such a thing as justifiable homicide?

Oh yeah...and that loud noise and curse from the Spouse a while back?

Yup! You guessed it! A screw went AWOL!

Woof,  muttering a mantra to herself.."I am gonna keep calm...I am not
gonna kill anybody...I am gonna take a slow deep breath...."


  

-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie                          mailto:woofess at iinet.net.au
 
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"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
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Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/
        http://www.pbase.com/woofess