TheBanyanTree: Travel plans or lack thereof...

[Pat M]

I know that some of you are wondering about my plans. I wrote the following
email to Ron on August 18th and am still undecided.

"Hi Ron,

It's been a long time since I've been in contact with you. You must be
wondering what I'm planning to do. To be honest, I'm still wondering myself.


When I returned from China in June, I was mentally and physically exhausted
and mildly depressed. I never envisioned that I would not be made welcome or
that my efforts would not be supported when I committed to spending a year
at Wesley's House. These realities were a huge disappointment to me.

When I think of returning to Pingguo now, I feel tired and heavy inside. I
love the children and always will, but I'm still not sure I want to return.
In addition to the pollution, the social isolation and the diet, there were
far too many frustrations. By the end, I just wanted to get out of there.

My eye surgery was successful and all of my medical tests were normal. My
cough has disappeared and I am feeling much better but I need more time to
decide whether or not to return to Wesley's House. My doctor asked me how I
could do the work I want to do and still take care of myself. I'm thinking
about that. Perhaps it means shorter stints abroad.

The one thing I'm certain about at this time is that I'm not returning on
Sept 17 and plan to change my air ticket to a later date, although I'm still
not sure which date. I'm a person of integrity and have always lived up to
my commitments but I think it's important I only return if I'm in a positive
mind-frame and feel energized at the thought. It wouldn't be fair to anyone
if I return reluctantly, simply to live up to the commitment I made. Maybe
more time will heal my heavy heart...

If I should decide I'm not returning to Wesley's House, I want you to know
that I will reimburse you for the air ticket you purchased on my behalf, and
I will find another way to help the children--perhaps fund-raising on their
behalf. I really love those kids and I really wish I could be their mother.

I'll be in touch again when I reschedule the flight. Hopefully it will soon
become clear to me what I want to do.

I'm so sorry that it turned out this way...

Love Pat"
-- 
Pat

Pingguo China 2009 photos can be viewed at
http://picasaweb.google.com/Ms.Pat.Martin/Pingguo#