TheBanyanTree: Up on the Roof

[Margaret R. Kramer]

4/2/98
Did I tell you I love you today?
Well, lover, consider it said.
My love for you will always stay.
Marry me now!

As we enter this new life
together, we will go with love
that is why I want you as my wife!
For love renewed is always best!

I ask again . . . will you marry me?
Ray


I think the second year Ray and I were together, we got a new roof.  As part
of my divorce agreement, Tony and I to split the equity in the house.  Ray
and I decided to use some that equity money to get a new roof on our house.

Ray, who grew up in an era when men fixed everything themselves and never
called a repairman, wanted to do the roof himself.  But he realized he
couldn't haul heavy packs of shingles up a ladder and then spend hours
nailing them down.

The roof was one of our first major decisions together as a couple.  And it
was exciting.  I remember coming home from work and sitting on the couch in
our family room with Ray, watching the roofs rip off and then hammer on a
new roof on the garage.

But Ray did the gutters on our old house.  In fact, over time he changed our
whole water drainage system.  He had no fear climbing on the roof and
hanging over the side to clamp on the gutters.  Then he painted them to
match the trim of our house.

Now I'm alone with an old roof and gutters, but I made the decision to get
new ones.  The old roof was stripped off, new shingles were nailed down, and
new gutters were hung.  But there was no excitement this time.  It was just
another house maintenance thing that needed to be taken care of.

I was looking at Home Depot's online site for outdoor lighting and cordless
drill batteries.  I saw all kinds of drills for different projects.  I saw
different kinds of outdoor lighting.  The railing going down into the
basement has come out of one of its brackets.  It's on a plaster wall.  How
do I fix something like that?  

I go out to the garage and see all the different kinds of drills, hammers,
saws, and other tools, and I wonder what they are for?  Why didn't I listen
to Ray when he tried to explain things to me?  I wish he was here now, so I
could learn from him.  I'm so overwhelmed by all these little fix up
projects that are beyond my ability.  

Ray was so magical.  He just knew what to do.  And did it.  I never had to
make up a "honey do" list for him.  Our house was always in top condition.

I rarely ever dream about Ray.  Even when he was alive, I never had a dream
about him.  It's funny, because I think about Ray every second, and yet as
much as I think about him, I never have a dream with him in it.

But last night I did.  And I woke up suddenly, feeling so happy, because Ray
was in my dream.  The dream wasn't a particularly happy dream, and it had
nothing to do with us, but he was my husband again and was there, although
only briefly, and I felt good again.  

Maybe Ray found my dream hole and will join me from time to time when I
sleep.  Wouldn't that be great?

The weather is still cool.  We did have a bit of rain this week.  The
tomatoes are slowing ripening, although they need some heat to get bigger
and redder.  The flowers seem to like this cool weather and are blooming
furiously in many bright colors.  I saw a hummingbird tonight lurking among
the petals.

However, the trees are stressed.  Their leaves are curling up and some trees
are beginning to turn color.  Summer is only half through, and already fall
is sneaking up on us.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
-George Eliot