TheBanyanTree: February Groundhogs

[Margaret R. Kramer]

8/10/05
Hi Love:
    Just a couple more days then we can be together again. I miss you. I get
where I want to do something then I start it and have no energy! The
humidity is driving me nuts. Nothing to do at work either, seems like we
have every thing done and even Rich cannot think of work for me to do. 
    Dogs are restless with you gone, I took out the garbage can and they
were wanting to get back inside. I sent that change to Cindi and told her
that before I file I would send her the papers. 
    Well, love got to check the rest of my mail so I will say I love you
more and more. I am going to make Walleye for supper.What would you like for
supper? when you get home. I can pick it up at the store.
 
 Love You 
 Ray

Almost a year.  Last year I was visiting him in the hospital.  This year I
visit his grave.  I miss him.  He was my very best friend.  He is
irreplaceable.  

I finally got my new computer set up.  Oh, what an odyssey that was.  First,
my internet carrier changed the email port on Outlook, but didn’t say
anything about it, so I couldn’t send any mail until I finally went down the
black hole and called a technician who told me the wrong information.  I
fixed that and then my old computer couldn’t connect to the internet.  All
the other computers were connecting OK, but not my desktop.

I set up my new desktop and that one couldn’t connect either.  Grrrrr.

The internet technician came out and put in a new modem and router.  All the
computers were fine, except the new computer.  He couldn’t hook it up.  I
called my PC guy and he came out on Friday.  After about an hour, he
discovered that the wireless card was set up to block internet traffic, so
he unblocked it and I was finally connected!

I love my new computer with its big wide screen.  It’s lightening fast.  I
have Office 2007 on it, which I’m trying to figure out.  I also added a lot
of my other programs from the old computer.  I bought Quicken a while ago
and got that on there.  I downloaded the new version of iTunes.  My camera
works great on my computer.  I’m gradually figuring everything out.  

I’m adding music to my ipod.  Gosh, it’s been so long since I did that, I
forgot how to do it!  I’ve been listening to the same songs over and over
again.  I’m so sick of them.  It’s time to get some new ones.

February has ushered in warmer air and no snow.  The days are getting longer
again and it’s noticeable when I leave for my night job and it’s just
becoming dusk.  The snow’s melting and we can see brown grass again.  I
drove the flower van today and got it all dirty from the salt and sand mixed
with melting snow.  I hear the birds just beginning to sing their spring
songs.

The boys and I took the dogs out for a walk yesterday.  The dogs couldn’t
get enough of the sun, the wet snow, and sniffing out dead birds along the
sidewalk.

And it’s Valentine’s Day . . . a time for romance.  Well, Joe and I had a
good week, we went over a week, eight days without a fight, but then he got
all angry about something that I haven’t figured out what it was, except
maybe I don’t spend enough time with him and now he isn’t talking to me.
What that means is he’s drinking and everything anyone does makes him mad.
If you become bitter and unhappy when you drink, why would you drink?

But he does.  I’ve learned to stay away from him when he’s like that.  He’ll
call in a couple of days and be OK, and then we’ll go along for a week and
it happens again.  Yes, it’s obvious he’s an alcoholic.  And every time it
happens, I feel less inclined to go back with him.

The email Joe called me for the first time last night.  He was quite
talkative.  We have a hundred things in common, like we’ve traveled to the
same places.  He reads.  He can fix things.  He was a machinist for 38 years
at 3M, helping make and design various medical devices.  He’s had esophageal
cancer and has been cancer free for 10 years.  He owns his own home.  He has
two birds.  He has two grown children and two grandchildren, I think.  He’s
divorced, just recently and sounds kind of nasty, too.  We have lunch set up
for next Sunday.

I was kind of abrupt at the end of the call, but I really don’t spend much
time on the phone, and when I’m in a conversation like that, I start
thinking of all kinds of other things I could be doing, and I start feeling
trapped.

Ray and I used to spend whole afternoons IMing each other.  I found a bunch
of those IMs he printed in his file cabinet.  I can’t imagine having the
patience to do that now.  But it was the man . . .  He was worth every
second, that’s for sure.

Now I get impatient if someone doesn’t make their point quickly and move on.
Real live Joe suffers from verbal diarrhea, too.  I swear that man doesn’t
know what silence is!  He’s a “once upon a time” person who has to start at
the moment of his birth whenever he tells a story.

I was numb at the end of email Joe’s call.  I just don’t what to think.  I
know I want to be with somebody, because I think my brain is wired to love
and care about someone.  But I also want to be independent.  Well, we’ll see
how this goes.

Anyway, winter is slowly giving way to spring, and it’s time for romance,
right?