TheBanyanTree: Maple Syrup

[Margaret R. Kramer]

12/15/05
Thanks love 
   6" snow when I got up this morning! i am not going to blow snow til later
 love you 
ray

One year and two months later, I’m still a half a person without Ray.  I’m
still looking for my other half and have not found it.  Yes, I’m getting
better, but you might see a woman trying to walk with one leg or trying to
get by with one arm.  I miss him so much sometimes, I don’t know what to do.

I was putting photos in the photo albums yesterday.  A group of photos were
taken by my older grandson about two years ago.  He had taken one of Ray,
from the back, but I could see his profile.  He was leaning on the counter
reading a book.  I wanted to slide into the photo and kiss him on the neck
just like I used to and nuzzle against his cheek and wait for him to turn
around and hug me.

I miss Ray especially in the spring, because that’s when we decided to live
together.  I remember 11 years ago getting my house all ready for Ray to
come.  Meanwhile, Ray was furiously packing his stuff in Milwaukee.  And we
called each other constantly.  

Three years ago, we moved into this house.  Again, we spent the winter
furiously packing, but this time it was for our house and our massive
garage.  Ray got his divorce three years ago, too.  It was a new beginning
that ended all soon.  Our love for each other wasn’t enough to prevent death
from knocking on the door.  

Whenever I go into the massive garage, his spirit follows me.  And over
time, his work area in the garage is becoming my work area.  I’m gradually
finding things and trying to learn how to use the tools.  And they’re
gradually becoming mine.  I wish Ray was here for me to ask him questions.
I have so many.  My hands and brain do not work together very well and I
need his guidance.

I took yesterday off from work and got an amazing amount of stuff done.  I
went to work out.  I went grocery shopping.  I raked leaves off of the
garden beds.  Joe and I took about 20 bags of leaves (that were raked last
fall) to the compost.  I set up my new compost bin and Shadow is extremely
frustrated that he can’t eat the compost out of it.  

I swept out the garage.  I made dinner.  The boys and I took the dogs for a
walk.  Then I collapsed.

But the weather is so fantastic, it’s difficult to stay tired for long.  

I washed all the bedding today.  I got my car’s tail light replaced.  I
cleaned the house.  Picked up dog poop.  Started reading a new book while
waiting for my car.  I’m doing laundry.

Later, Joe and I will go to Home Depot.  I’m looking for a motorized garden
tiller.  And a new ceiling tile for the basement.

Oh, and I paid bills today, too.

I want to take a twilight walk this evening.  There’s nothing like spring to
get the energy level back up.  It’s kind of like the sugar in the maple
trees – it starts rising to the surface as the weather warms.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com
www.polarispublications.com

If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk
forever in my garden. 
-Claudia Ghandi