TheBanyanTree: indulgence

[David Seaman]

Oct. 30th, 2008
9:22 AM

An emotionally disturbed person is fertile soil for self-condemnation.
Especially when seeded with secrets, questions, and confusion. Holding
onto indulgences I don’t want to talk about will cause escalation of
unsafe thinking. My thinking becomes jumbled; I lose concentration because
I’m not present. I become a real dipshit, and I give it a lot of energy
and power. I know I’m being a dipshit; I give it validation, and begin to
identify with it.

There should be an island for dipshits, where we dipshits can all leave
the civilized world and live out the rest of our lives like Gilligan in a
thatched hut. There should be a self-hate island too. That’s where all the
cutters and eating disorder people would go. I’d probably want to go
there. Though Gilligan’s island would be much more fun. The self-haters
would live in caves and only come out in the nighttime. It probably
wouldn’t be a very energetic place, and the suicide rate would be quite
high.

After thinking about it I’m not sure which island I would belong to. They
are so closely related actually. But I think the dipshits might be more
social and have healthier attitudes, even though they have been separated
from society and placed on an island. But the self-haters would definitely
have more sex.

My therapist speaks of a five minute window of impulsiveness that scares
her. She claims that some people commit suicide on impulse and if they
would have just waited five, ten, thirty minutes the impulse might pass.
“Don’t indulge and find distraction. Denial is our friend.” This goes
against my religious philosophy, but so does suicide.


-- 
Dave