TheBanyanTree: let's talk about out poo

[David Seaman]

Sep. 21st, 2008 at 8:33 AM

I'm firmly convinced that the reason people couple is so that they will
have someone to talk with about their poo. The first morning email between
Bonnie and I always contains a poo report. Too much poo, not enough poo,
stinky poo, jalapeno poo. A poo is just a poo and isn't a real poo until I
share the details of the poo with my beloved.

The first reason people couple is sex, the second is then poo discussion,
then the third is to have someone to converse with while dining out, which
eventually becomes dominated by the topic of poo. If one person has poo
surgery, like myself, well then, the couple is set for life. Early in a
relationship conversations cover the details of past lives, romance,
hopes, and dreams. Over the years, after everything is covered, and the
couple grows weary of talking about people who irritate them, the
discussions naturally turn to poo. Politics, passion, good books, and
movies are discussed only after the topic of poo is fully exhausted. And
even then a book or anecdote can also remind us of a poo incident.

Last time I was in the hospital poo became a huge priority. It was over a
weekend and I couldn't reach a doctor to complain about my poo woes and
have some Benefiber ordered with my daily meds. Forget the fact that I was
crazy and suicidal. Damit, their was a poo emergency. Eventually Bonnie
had to sneak some Benefiber into my room. Now that is partner poo love. We
were almost caught by the head nurse as we were pouring a powdery white
substance into my morning coffee. We were not caught, and it might have
looked like cocaine or heroin going into my drink, but an experienced
nurse who could consider our age and how long we have been married, would
most likely believe that the substance had something to do with poo.

Just as a scientist would study a species in the wild by examining their
poo, I think poo is a good indication of how healthy a relationship has
become. If landscaping or aluminum siding dominate a couples conversation
they may tire of such a superficial relationship. But when the topic turns
to plumbing, toilet seat, and toilet paper, then the relationship is
probably pretty set for the long term.


Dave