TheBanyanTree: Stew's Escape

[Monique Colver]

Yesterday I was formulating an escape plan to get Stew out of the hospital.
He's been there for days and days, and the hospital is not, surprisingly,
his favorite place to be. I envisioned a commando raid, complete with
commandos, and figured we could wheel him out in a wheelchair. I would need
help with this of course, as I'm not exactly in any condition at the moment
to rescue anyone, not even myself. Still, I figured it was doable. The evil
nightstaff, the ones who cajole him to sleep and then wake him up to give
him a sleeping pill, should be easy to overcome. I'm sure they know what
they're doing, though their behavior would seem to indicate otherwise. They
put him in the hospital and treat him for dehydration. They treat him so
thoroughly that they come to the conclusion that he's overhydrated, and they
give him diuretics to counteract that. And they continue to give him IV
fluids. I'm sure in the medical community this makes perfect sense. They
diagnose an infection caused by too many antibiotics, so they give him an
antibiotic to counteract the excessive antibiotics. Again, a mystery to
those of us who do not have a medical degree. They put him on a liquid diet
for several days, and when the surgeon comes in and sees said liquid diet he
has a fit, because, as he says, "No wonder you're sick! Anyone who has to
eat that all the time is going to be sick!" He has a different doctor every
day because it's the hospital's policy that each doctor will visit each
patient in a sort of free-for-all that means the patient has to keep
explaining him or herself to everyone in a white coat who comes through the
door.

But before I could formulate my plan, he called me this morning -- he gets
to go home this afternoon, assuming his new hospital bed gets set up at home
and all. He'll have home health visits. And what will they do? The same
thing they've been doing, more or less, but at least it won't be at the
hospital.

Hospitals. Bah, humbug.

Another successful escape, no thanks to me.

-- 
Monique