TheBanyanTree: the argument for mother's day

[Julie Anna Teague]

Ok, I work with a woman who is not a mother and never wanted to be a
mother.  That's fine.  It's not a state of mind I can relate to, but it's
good that a person knows this about him or herself and doesn't go out and
have kids anyway.  But truth be told, I think she is missing some basic
human connection gene anyway (and I'm not talking about every person
who doesn't want kids for whatever reason, just my experience with 
her).  There's just something not quite there when we discuss our 
relationships to other human beings.  She's pretty much all about her, 
period.

Anyhoo, she thinks Mother's Day is stupid and just another Hallmark
holiday, and chose to rail on about that fact today, and I think I made 
her downright mad when I begged to differ.  I bit my tongue and did not 
say, "You would not understand."  I said that while not every mother is 
a good mother,
those of us who are, and those of us who love our own mothers, or even
those who don't have kids but who appreciate our friends as mothers, our
sisters as mothers, men we know who took the place of often-absent
mothers (like my partner), or even people who mothered someone who wasn't
their own kid, enjoy celebrating Mother's Day.

She asked why did we need a special day to celebrate our mothers,
shouldn't we let them know we love them every day?  Well, yes.  Just
like in our spiritual lives, we might love and honor God or Goddess
or Spirit in small ways every day, but that doesn't make it any less
meaningful when we pick a special day to really celebrate our belief in
or our love for something or someone.  (This woman hates Christmas, 
too, so that might have been a lost point.) I told her that I thought 
it was great to have one day set aside where our first thought is of 
our mother, because I can almost guarantee that our mothers' first 
thoughts are of US, from the day we are born, till...forever.  (Ok, 
there again, I know this does not apply to all mothers, and I'm truly 
sorry anyone should have to have a mother like that, and thank God we 
have friends or partners or children who love us deeply.)  But I know 
that my sons are first on my mind, first in my heart, first in my 
worries and hopes and dreams every single day.  And there have been 
times in my life when I've gone whole days without casting a single 
diddly thought towards my mother, without realizing, before I had kids, 
that chances are she never enjoyed such a complete mental holiday from 
me. I don't think it's a bad thing to set aside a day to celebrate that 
role--the person who loves you best, and puts you first.

Then another guy at work, listening in, "went off" on the fact that most
people just haul their mothers out to chain restaurants for dinner on
Mother's Day.  I said a lot of mothers really enjoy that because it
means no cooking.  To which he replied that it shouldn't be the
mother's job to cook all the time anyway.  No, it shouldn't be that way simply
by default, but quite often it is that way for practical purposes.  
There's a division of labor thing that works in most families, wherein 
one person does most of the cooking, and whether that is the male or 
female usually falls to interest or skill or whatever.  Anyway, he 
thought it was a stupid holiday, too, but then he's 25, a total baby, 
and has barely even weaned himself from his mother yet.  He still takes 
laundry when he goes home.  There again, he's someone whose life is 
pretty much all about him.

Valentine's day, ok, maybe we can get rid of that one as a "made up"
holiday.  (Although there's really no reason not to party down in the
name of love once a year either, and I make my own cards, so I could 
care less about Hallmark.)  But Mother's Day is sacred to me and woe to 
the person who, not having kids or even a very nurturing spirit, tells 
me it's stupid.

Julie



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