TheBanyanTree: Blips 2

[Monique Colver]

Sometimes, like right now, my head hurts, as if it's full of the things I've
left unsaid, as if it's only a matter of time before something gives and it
all comes spilling out in a torrent of words that won't make sense, or
perhaps it will implode with the pressure of the words weighing on it. Last
week, as I scurried from one client to another in a vain attempt to fix all
their problems at once, I had the urge to give it all up, to stop with the
clients altogether, because the words hadn't had a chance to come out and
play for so long that they were stuck in my head, clogging my thought
processes. Constipation of the brain. 

            That wouldn't solve the problem, letting the clients fend for
themselves, though it is a charmingly seductive idea. "That'll teach them!"
I think to myself, full of spite and annoyance. I can be quite petty,
whether or not it's called for. I can be mean and unforgiving and critical.
I can be all these things. Unfortunately, no one will sign the checks that
are my income if I am. Or will they? This is an untested theory. 

            Today I must prepare for the next week's event, because tomorrow
I leave town. I should make a list. I should decide what needs to be done.
There are approximately three billion two hundred million sixty-seven
thousand one-hundred and fourteen things to do between now and Saturday, and
I have only enough time/energy to do five of them, so I shall have to pick
the 5 most important and go with those. But what are those? Packing comes to
mind. Shaving my legs perhaps. Several times perhaps. Showering? While
certainly important, these last two are things I should be doing anyway on a
fairly regular basis, and aren't necessarily part of the major 5. 

            But before embarking on the list of 5, I'd like to have the pain
in my head dissipate just enough to make thinking less painful. 

            On a positive note, for I am nothing if not positive, even when
my head hurts, during this coming week I will get to see many people I truly
love and adore. Along with that will be a few of my relatives, which just
goes to show that life is not always perfect. Yuck, yuck, yuck. Most of my
relatives have bowed out, unable to attend for various reasons, though my
two brothers are still slated to attend. I wouldn't be surprised if the
older one of them cancelled; his wife cannot come as she's expecting the
birth of another grandchild that weekend, and our differences are so vast
that talking to him is like shouting over the Grand Canyon. Much is lost
along the way, and we don't understand each other very well. My other
brother, he should show up. My stepsister will be there, but that's because
she lives in the area and it won't be any trouble for her to attend.

            After the event, once life takes on a semblance of normality and
repetition, I plan on getting more of the words out of my head, forcing them
out, if necessary. Unfortunately, there is no medical procedure to remove
impacted words from the brain, so this is something I must do on my own. One
might ask why this is, if medical procedures exist for other impactions, why
not for words? I think it's because of a serious misappropriation of
funding, that's what I think. I have an orphan disease, one of those that
sits ignored because no one has the time nor money to figure out how to fix
it. There could be worse things I suppose. I could have a real disease. That
would be much worse. As it is, it's up to me to fix it, which means a trifle
bit more responsibility than I'm comfortable with. How much easier it would
be to blame this on something else, on someone else! But it is only me. 

            For now I will satisfy myself with making a list for what needs
to be done now, and for later I will compile a list of the ways in which I
will force the words out of my head until it is empty of all thought. In the
meantime, stay tuned for further developments.