TheBanyanTree: Star of the Show

[Margaret R. Kramer]

It’s Earth Day and our poor earth needs a day.  I try to be “green,” but I
know I fail miserably.  I use plastic bags.  I don’t recycle as much as I
should.  I drive around and not think about the gas I’m using.  But I’ll
take a moment and honor the earth, my home, today and I’ll try to be more
aware of how I’m using its resources.

It’s easy for me to enjoy the earth today, because we finally are in real
time spring.  It was in the upper 70s yesterday and will be today, too.  I
wrestled with our storm windows and finally snapped them all up and opened
the house to the first warm breeze of the year.  I raked up the leaves on my
garden beds and hauled them off to the compose site.  I’m going to haul out
the lawn furniture today from our massive garage, clean it up, and get it on
the deck.

Because next week we have company.  Ray’s four daughters are planning to
drop in for a visit.  Ray is not on the best terms with his children since
he came to live with me.  He left a 45 year marriage, six grown children,
and several grandchildren to be with me.  I left my husband, too.  It was a
big huge life changing decision for both of us, most of all Ray, but we’ve
hung in there and have no regrets.

Ray’s son has been OK about us and we’ve had several visits from him, but
the daughters are another issue entirely.  They’ve been like hostile cats,
with fur standing straight up, and spitting and hissing at us since day one.

I let Ray inform his family about his illness.  He wrote to them via email
about his condition.  He received an extremely nasty email from his 18 year
old granddaughter, but because we’ve received letters like this since our
early days, we know who really wrote it.  And that’s his ex-wife.  There is
nothing she enjoys more than to run guilt trips on Ray.  I guess she thinks
if she gets a granddaughter to write a nasty email, then Ray will feel real
bad and come back to her.

Ray answered the letter in a kind and loving way, but he was firm.  He
emphasized that no one, other than Jim, had come to visit.  So, a day later,
one of the daughters wrote that they all wanted to visit.  Well, that’s
fine.

But there’s more.  Yesterday, the daughter emailed Ray and asked if his
ex-wife could come, too.  My first question, and I think Ray’s was, “Why?”
Well, the answer is Arlene thinks she’s the star of the show and if Ray sees
her, he’ll just drop everything and come back to her.

He used to visit his family every summer, but what happened is that he spent
5% of his time with his kids and 95% of his time with his ex-wife.  She
would have him haul her everywhere and do this for her and do that for her.
He didn’t feel comfortable, but he didn’t want to say anything and rock the
boat with his family.  Plus, any event they had planned, she was always
there.  He was allowed no “alone” time with his children and grandchildren.
Any interaction had to be brokered through her.  After the second or third
summer visit of spending more time with Arlene than with his children, he
stopped going.

Arlene is an extremely manipulative person.  She tries to pull at your heart
strings by crying tears of woe and how awful her life has been and how no
one does anything for her.  She snaps her fingers and expects everyone to
jump.  Well, Ray stopped jumping years ago and she hasn’t figured that out
yet.

We have caller ID and one of the best things about caller ID is that we don’
t have to talk to people we don’t want to talk to, and the first one on that
list is Arlene.  She called constantly during Ray’s hospitalization.  I didn
’t answer, but I did tell Ray about her calls.  I asked if he wanted to call
her and he said, “NO!”

Ray said Arlene would probably come with his daughters, and he was right.
At least, they did ask in advance and didn’t just show up with her in tow.
Ray doesn’t want her to come, but is trying to think of a way to word the
email in a diplomatic way.  If the daughters don’t come because the mother
isn’t welcome, well, that’s too bad, and I think Ray sees it that way, too.

It’s time to stop this nonsense.  It’s been nine years – get over it!  I
didn’t go to Ray’s mother’s funeral, even though I knew her and liked her,
because I knew my presence would cause tensions.  I can step back, and it’s
time Arlene steps back, too.

It’s Ray’s show, not hers.  It’s time to retire her star.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net
margaret.kramer at polarispublications.com

Easter spells out beauty, the rare beauty of new life.
~S.D. Gordon