TheBanyanTree: This is just WRONG...

[Dee]

It's *that* time of year again and, ever alert to unique gift-giving 
ideas, I dropped in on one of my fave columnists, Dave Barry, for his 
annual Gift Giving Guide. Couldn't resist looking up one of the items on 
his hit list -- excuse me -- I mean, GIFT list, and was shocked to see 
(close your eyes, Ethel) an electric marshmallow toaster.

I'm not lying. You can see it yourself, right here: 
http://www.wishingfish.com/marshtoast.html  Go ahead and take a peek. 
I'll wait.

Back already? Need a mug of coffee to alleviate the angst? I understand. 
I had no idea our society was in such bad shape, either. Personally, I 
blame the remote control. Once we got out of the habit of actually 
getting up and changing a channel manually (gasp!), it all started going 
downhill. With this latest outrage, they have desecrated one of our 
purest traditions...the old-fashioned marshmallow roast.

Right off the git-go, I can't believe they are actually charging $19.95 
(plus postage and handling) for something we can get for free by 
rummaging around in the woods around our campfire. Thirty percent of the 
fun of a marshmallow roast is the challenge of finding the perfect 
roasting stick. (You can add another 30% if you hunt the stick after 
dark because then you have the further challenge of avoiding feral 
blackberry vines, rabid poison ivy and the occasional startled skunk.)

One of the obvious design flaws in the electric version is the length. A 
proper stick should be long enough to reach the fire without roasting 
your own self and short enough to keep from bending into the coals with 
the weight of the marshmallow. The manufacturers know their stick is too 
short. I can tell because they proudly assure you the handle is 
"heat-shielded." You notice they don't remind you that your hand is NOT.

And what are you going to do if your batteries die on you out there in 
the middle of nowhere, far from a handy 7-Eleven? Huh? Huh? We don't 
have to pack enough stuff on a campout without adding to the load with 
backup batteries? Which, you know, will somehow not get checked off the 
To Do list when you're getting ready.

"Honey, where did you put the spare batteries?"

"Oops! I put 'em in the remote control before we left the house."

You know what's coming next, don't you? Pre-Roasted Marshmallows. Sold 
in special six-pack-sized heated pouches, already hot and gooey and 
golden. Just unseal and eat. $19.95, plus postage and handling.

Hugs, Dee...