TheBanyanTree: La la la I'm not listening

[Pam North]

oh dear.... *I* have those issues, but I also happen to be the birth mom.
Which entitles me to SLAP THE CRAP out of the lazy bodies!!!!!!!!!  Okay,
ok.  I haven't slapped anybody in *years*!!!! ;)

You my dear, are moaning the same blues of parents all over the world who
own teenagers!!!!  My seventeen year old daughter is a very focused,
responsible young lady.  She is in the honor society, and very active at
school and socially.  I think I've raised somebody who might be a productive
member of society.

BUT!!!  That has NOTHING to do with dishes or laundry or vacuuming or
CHORES!!!!  If I ask, she might help out.  Every once in a great big blue
moon (two-and-a-half years?!?!), she might get a wild hair and do something
totally unrequested.  And I praise and praise, hoping she'll see the good
and repeat it.  It doesn't work.

And my fourteen year old son?!?!  Get real!!!!  Once I FINALLY get him to do
something, I can expect a total half-assed effort!  Just *barely* enough to
say he did it, but not nearly enough to say it done.  So we go back and
forth and back and forth.  It turns out to be less heartache to do it
myself!!!!!!!!

So yeah.  Welcome to parenting of teens!!!!  Just know you're not alone.
One question though... where's the dad??  While you, as a 'wicked
step-mother' might not get great results, is there *any* chance that dear
old dad can motivate this child?!?!?!?!  I don't happen to have one in
residence.  That's my excuse!  ;-D

Pam


On 1/15/06, Anita Coia <anita at redpepper.net.au> wrote:
>
> Boy, it's hard being a parent. I barely have any right to say that, but
> now I'm a responsible (?) adult dealing with my partner's 17 year old
> daughter, who has found it convenient to live with us so she can work
> and save (?) some money for university this year.
>
> Yeah. You got it. At 38 I am in the position of seeing what it's like on
> the OTHER end of the binoculars!  Languid, dreamy late
> teens...interrupted annoyingly by someone who insists I help out around
> the house. I'll get around to it, okay?  Boy, why are you on my back all
> the time? What did you ever do for me, really? I'll do it, but I'll just
> barely do it, or I'll forget, just so you know I'm not going to be
> ordered around. I deserve complete and utter adoration. Yep, that was me
> too.
>
> Argh!!!  Is this karma?  How on earth do you motivate a smart, charming
> young woman who practices the principle of "just do enough to get me
> through"?  I dunno. I pay for all the food she eats in our house (and
> prepare a lot of it too), pay for half her phone calls, half the water
> and electricity she uses, clean the toilet she uses, subsidise her
> skin-care, give her clothes that she can work in. I kinda expect she
> might proactively clear the dishwasher, or even put it on. Or, who
> knows, put an entire load of washing on instead of her three items.  If
> I ask her specifically to do something, she'll do it. But I have to do
> that every time. Manager at work, manager at home. I am sure all of you
> parents are laughing at me right now, yes? :)
>
> I guess it's just a matter of maintaining boundaries so I don't resent
> her when I come home after a stressful 10-hour day and listen to her
> talk about sleeping in late, watching telly, shopping or just being
> bored while I do the dishes, wash her clothes, etc etc.   Cripes!   Does
> anyone have a mantra I can chant?
>
> Anita
> xx
>