TheBanyanTree: La la la I'm not listening

[Sandi]

I can tell you what to do, however, the only way any efforts on your part
will work is by starting with an open, honest discussion with your partner.
Then together you can help her find out how to excel with the great
potential she has.

We succeeded with one son on drugs. It was really hard, but we stuck
together and won.  You don't have anything that serious, but it takes the
same kind of team work.

Good luck.

Sandi Grandberry, M.Ed.
For the Love of Software llc
sandi at fortheloveofsoftware.com
1928 E. Highland F104-475
Phoenix, Arizona 85016
 

-----Original Message-----
From: thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com
[mailto:thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com] On Behalf Of Anita Coia
Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2006 1:43 AM
To: thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com
Subject: TheBanyanTree: La la la I'm not listening

Boy, it's hard being a parent. I barely have any right to say that, but 
now I'm a responsible (?) adult dealing with my partner's 17 year old 
daughter, who has found it convenient to live with us so she can work 
and save (?) some money for university this year. 

Yeah. You got it. At 38 I am in the position of seeing what it's like on 
the OTHER end of the binoculars!  Languid, dreamy late 
teens...interrupted annoyingly by someone who insists I help out around 
the house. I'll get around to it, okay?  Boy, why are you on my back all 
the time? What did you ever do for me, really? I'll do it, but I'll just 
barely do it, or I'll forget, just so you know I'm not going to be 
ordered around. I deserve complete and utter adoration. Yep, that was me 
too.

Argh!!!  Is this karma?  How on earth do you motivate a smart, charming 
young woman who practices the principle of "just do enough to get me 
through"?  I dunno. I pay for all the food she eats in our house (and 
prepare a lot of it too), pay for half her phone calls, half the water 
and electricity she uses, clean the toilet she uses, subsidise her 
skin-care, give her clothes that she can work in. I kinda expect she 
might proactively clear the dishwasher, or even put it on. Or, who 
knows, put an entire load of washing on instead of her three items.  If 
I ask her specifically to do something, she'll do it. But I have to do 
that every time. Manager at work, manager at home. I am sure all of you 
parents are laughing at me right now, yes? :)

I guess it's just a matter of maintaining boundaries so I don't resent 
her when I come home after a stressful 10-hour day and listen to her 
talk about sleeping in late, watching telly, shopping or just being 
bored while I do the dishes, wash her clothes, etc etc.   Cripes!   Does 
anyone have a mantra I can chant?

Anita
xx