TheBanyanTree: The Women I am Not-Redux

[Maria Gibson]

Not the brightest bulb in the box or sharpest tool in the shed.  Not 
crafty or homespun, neither dimwitted nor dull.  Not particularly 
maternal.  Not a driver who goes the speed limit nor do I any longer eat 
honey buns.  I don't sew, iron, shoot skeet, climb mountains, ride 
roller coasters or bathe in jello.  I don't often act seriously but when 
I do others think something is wrong.  I don't have wardrobe 
malfunctions, do math worth a crap or know trivia.  I hate trivia 
because it's so trivial, but hey, that's just me.  I don't play the game 
Trivial Pursuit on the principal that I hate it.  I don't stay with the 
pack if I don't feel so inclined and would never leave a friend to fend 
for self.  I don't pick flowers from tended gardens but do from the side 
of the road.  I don't like florist flowers.  Or expensive jewelry.  Or 
paying more than sale price for clothes.  I don't waste, hit animals or 
drink Gator Ade.  Feel the same about Gator Ade as I do about Trivial 
Pursuit and if you invite me to a Trivial Pursuit Gator Ade marathon I 
will say no and tell you it's because I don't like either of those 
things but have a great time one and all doing it.  I don't tell white 
lies about those things because I have nothing to hide but I don't 
always tell the truth when a bad haircut is presented because it will 
grow out and the haircuttee has to live with it until it does.   I don't 
lie about why I'm late for work or why I didn't call (sorry, I forgot) 
or why my house is a mess (human beings live in it).  I will clean 
before guests arrive but I won't lie and say I didn't.  I don't eat 
instant mashed potatoes because I think they are equivalent to death in 
a box but I say choose death your way and I'll choose death in mine.  I 
asked someone once what they thought I was not and they said 'vain' and 
even though it wasn't the answer I was looking for, it was absolutely 
true.  Not vain.  Not always humble, either.  I am not always understood 
and a lot of times not in the mood to take the time to explain myself 
because that is wearying over time and I've been misunderstood for all 
the time I've been on earth.  Which to my mind has been a long time.  I 
am not girly, particularly feminine nor am I manly.  I'm my own and 
nothing more.  Nothing less.  I want to believe they broke the mold 
after I was made but not because I think I'm all that.  Trust me, I'm 
not all that.  Or a lot of other things, either.  I'm not an abbreviated 
version story teller.  You may have noticed.

Judge Judy I am not.  In thinking and thinking and thinking-I can think 
a lot when put to task-I know I am not judgmental.  I have way too many 
faults and foibles to cast judgment on others.  I live in a freakin' 
five story, ten thousand square foot, at least, house made of the 
thinnest and most fragile glass on the planet and don't feel I have a 
right to throw a grain of sand much less a pebble or a stone.  I am 
opinionated in that I have an opinion about things but my opinion isn't 
intended to and shouldn't cast a shadow on another person's beliefs 
unless they allow it to.  I'm not trying to sway another by simply 
stating my feelings.  I hold to my own beliefs when I feel I should even 
when I am in a crowd of one against a crowd of many.  I have faith in 
the things I believe and take responsibility and the consequences for 
them.  Sometimes the consequences are surprising but there they are.  I 
certainly don't look down upon others even if I don't take delight in 
the same activities.  I take delight in their happiness for doing 
whatever it is as I trip away thanking God and all that is holy that I 
don't have to do it because I don't like it. 

I don't apologize for any of these things I am not although there are 
some things I am that I probably should apologize for.  I do take 
responsibility and apologize when feelings are hurt even if it was 
never, ever, my intention to hurt someone.  When you step on someone's 
toe by accident you say you are sorry although the stepping on of the 
toe was not intended.

I apologize to all and sundry who may be rudely shaken by what I ever 
have to write or say.  I use the word 'I' for a reason and that is to 
impart how I feel and what I think for me and nothing more.  It doesn't 
occur to me that others will be taken off guard about how I feel about 
something, especially because I know that it never crosses my mind that 
I am speaking for anyone but myself.  Hence the constant use of the word 
'I.'  I would hope that those who know even a little about me will know 
that and if not, take me to task.  Write, email, call, I'll always 
answer and listen and even if it was not my intention, I will sincerely 
be sorry I hurt someone's feelings and I will hope that at the end of 
the communication they will be comfortable knowing I didn't mean to step 
on their toes.

That's the real woman I am.

Maria