TheBanyanTree: The Women I am Not-Redux

[Pam North]

As her friend, can I add that everything she says in words, she's also
backed up in actions.

For having so much in common, and being so much alike, Maria and I are SO
different in so many ways.  And she loves me for all those differences.  And
she shows it.

For example, *I* have been a mom to bake birthday cupcakes for each of my
children to take to school for years.  Okay... until they got too old!  My
son would never take any past elementary school, but my daughter would still
take them, into high school, to share with her girlfriends.

And as I relate these stories to Maria, she cringes, chews her knuckles, and
thanks all that is holy that she dodged the cupcake-cooking-mom bullet!  But
Lordy, does she ever love me for loving to do it!!!

Things that she absolutely detests to do herself, things she thinks are
un-fun and is disinterested in, *those* are the things that she loves most
to hear about!  Those are the things she will cheer loudest for me doing.

We did a lot of laughing about our differences this past weekend when we
were together.  Though she has *never* made a costume for her kids', I did
admit to - just this year in fact! - *buying* green and black sweats for my
son's Literature class' reading of "Romeo and Juliet".  They were supposed
to 'dress' for their parts, and as a friend of Romeo's, he told me they wore
those colors, and that the sweats would be acceptable.  Oh yeah...  and I
bought him a plastic sword at Wal-mart to complete the ensemble!

She laughed with me, and cheered me on with my story!  Did she think I was a
better mom?!  Aw HECK no!!!!!  She got to stay at home with her kids for
years, while I went to work and left mine in daycare.  Did I think *she* was
a better mom?!  Heck no!!!!  Maybe just a bit more fortunate!

Anyway.  While the woman in Maria can cringe and detest some things for
herself, that same woman can still stand taller and cheer the loudest for
the woman in others doing those exact same things.

She's just good like that.

Pam



On 1/17/06, Maria Gibson <mgibson7 at nc.rr.com> wrote:
>
> Not the brightest bulb in the box or sharpest tool in the shed.  Not
> crafty or homespun, neither dimwitted nor dull.  Not particularly
> maternal.  Not a driver who goes the speed limit nor do I any longer eat
> honey buns.  I don't sew, iron, shoot skeet, climb mountains, ride
> roller coasters or bathe in jello.  I don't often act seriously but when
> I do others think something is wrong.  I don't have wardrobe
> malfunctions, do math worth a crap or know trivia.  I hate trivia
> because it's so trivial, but hey, that's just me.  I don't play the game
> Trivial Pursuit on the principal that I hate it.  I don't stay with the
> pack if I don't feel so inclined and would never leave a friend to fend
> for self.  I don't pick flowers from tended gardens but do from the side
> of the road.  I don't like florist flowers.  Or expensive jewelry.  Or
> paying more than sale price for clothes.  I don't waste, hit animals or
> drink Gator Ade.  Feel the same about Gator Ade as I do about Trivial
> Pursuit and if you invite me to a Trivial Pursuit Gator Ade marathon I
> will say no and tell you it's because I don't like either of those
> things but have a great time one and all doing it.  I don't tell white
> lies about those things because I have nothing to hide but I don't
> always tell the truth when a bad haircut is presented because it will
> grow out and the haircuttee has to live with it until it does.   I don't
> lie about why I'm late for work or why I didn't call (sorry, I forgot)
> or why my house is a mess (human beings live in it).  I will clean
> before guests arrive but I won't lie and say I didn't.  I don't eat
> instant mashed potatoes because I think they are equivalent to death in
> a box but I say choose death your way and I'll choose death in mine.  I
> asked someone once what they thought I was not and they said 'vain' and
> even though it wasn't the answer I was looking for, it was absolutely
> true.  Not vain.  Not always humble, either.  I am not always understood
> and a lot of times not in the mood to take the time to explain myself
> because that is wearying over time and I've been misunderstood for all
> the time I've been on earth.  Which to my mind has been a long time.  I
> am not girly, particularly feminine nor am I manly.  I'm my own and
> nothing more.  Nothing less.  I want to believe they broke the mold
> after I was made but not because I think I'm all that.  Trust me, I'm
> not all that.  Or a lot of other things, either.  I'm not an abbreviated
> version story teller.  You may have noticed.
>
> Judge Judy I am not.  In thinking and thinking and thinking-I can think
> a lot when put to task-I know I am not judgmental.  I have way too many
> faults and foibles to cast judgment on others.  I live in a freakin'
> five story, ten thousand square foot, at least, house made of the
> thinnest and most fragile glass on the planet and don't feel I have a
> right to throw a grain of sand much less a pebble or a stone.  I am
> opinionated in that I have an opinion about things but my opinion isn't
> intended to and shouldn't cast a shadow on another person's beliefs
> unless they allow it to.  I'm not trying to sway another by simply
> stating my feelings.  I hold to my own beliefs when I feel I should even
> when I am in a crowd of one against a crowd of many.  I have faith in
> the things I believe and take responsibility and the consequences for
> them.  Sometimes the consequences are surprising but there they are.  I
> certainly don't look down upon others even if I don't take delight in
> the same activities.  I take delight in their happiness for doing
> whatever it is as I trip away thanking God and all that is holy that I
> don't have to do it because I don't like it.
>
> I don't apologize for any of these things I am not although there are
> some things I am that I probably should apologize for.  I do take
> responsibility and apologize when feelings are hurt even if it was
> never, ever, my intention to hurt someone.  When you step on someone's
> toe by accident you say you are sorry although the stepping on of the
> toe was not intended.
>
> I apologize to all and sundry who may be rudely shaken by what I ever
> have to write or say.  I use the word 'I' for a reason and that is to
> impart how I feel and what I think for me and nothing more.  It doesn't
> occur to me that others will be taken off guard about how I feel about
> something, especially because I know that it never crosses my mind that
> I am speaking for anyone but myself.  Hence the constant use of the word
> 'I.'  I would hope that those who know even a little about me will know
> that and if not, take me to task.  Write, email, call, I'll always
> answer and listen and even if it was not my intention, I will sincerely
> be sorry I hurt someone's feelings and I will hope that at the end of
> the communication they will be comfortable knowing I didn't mean to step
> on their toes.
>
> That's the real woman I am.
>
> Maria
>
>