TheBanyanTree: Weighty Matters-inspired by Pam's 'Changes"

[Maria Gibson]

Here again, sports fans, to yak on and on about weight and life 
matters.  Yep.  Again.

I think it is vitally important for folks trying to lose weight, 
especially a lot of weight, to understand that current or past success 
has nothing to do with future success.  We may as well all cry in our 
pillows and then get over it because it is a fact of weight losing 
life.  It sucks, it blows, it ain't fair.  Damn it, it's real.

I sent a pic to a few folks on the list of me at a size 10 in the 
summer; man was I happy to be there.  (E-copies available upon request 
for a nominal fee, shipping and handling and batteries not included.) 
Since that time I've had a lot of beer (a lot) which usually leads to 
french fries which is probably what is padding my thighs as we speak.  
My now size 12 thighs.  Sigh.  How come when it comes off we can't just 
relax??!?!??  This isn't just a girly thing being too sensitive about 20 
'vanity pounds' as the media likes to call it.  This is a back slide of 
monumental proportions to someone who worked really, really hard to get 
to where she was, feeling at the time that she still had a little to go 
(those may have been the vanity pounds....hm, gonna have to ponder that 
one) and now facing a 40 pound loss versus the 20 pound loss from a size 
10.  Folks, that hurts.  It hurts heart, soul and closet.  When you have 
given away all the clothes that no longer fit and then the ones you have 
stop fitting....yowser.  It isn't practical to think you can squeeze 
your giant ass into the too-small pants as punishment and it isn't 
practical to buy new pants when you are again serious about losing 
weight.  And.  Buying a size up is almost grounds for suicide.  Being 
afraid of heights, however, the jump from my bottom porch step to the 
ground is likely to be void of dramatic results save the possibility of 
a sprained ankle.  Not to make light of that subject but as one who has 
this weighing on her mind, it's really hard emotionally.

Well, the past month or so has seen me spend less time in bars (where a 
lot of beer is kept, rumor has it) and work really hard to keep food to 
a minimum of healthy choices.  Back in the fat day, I could have gained 
or lost 20 pounds and no one would have noticed.  No one.  Maybe not 
even me, for crying out loud.  So for this to have made such a 
difference is a new aspect of living at a 'normal' size that, again, I 
didn't see coming.  A lot of aspects of a big weight loss weren't seen 
previous to their arrival.  I could write a book....hm, maybe I will.

Ok, so the background of the back slide is simple.  I was drinking too 
much, too often and way too late into the night.  I was eating whatever 
I wanted.  My clothes became too tight and I went to the doctor at about 
the same time to discover 20 pounds have been added.  So.  I had a 
trifecta of occurrences to deal with.  Drinking excessively is bad on a 
personal level and causes one to not deal with issues.  Drinking 
excessively is *crazily* expensive.  Drinking excessively leads to 
weight gain, at least in my case.  Ok.  The drinking had to go.  Eh, not 
totally and have had a few back slides there, too, but is way better 
now, lots less, a couple a week.  You know; baby steps.  I went to 
Goodwill and bought pants that fit because I won't spend a lot of money 
but I have to have something to wear and refuse to punish myself.  I 
began eating better.  I began thinking about my life in different and 
sometimes scary terms.  Changes, they are a comin'.

I don't weigh on a scale anymore except at the doctor's office so I 
don't know a number of pounds I have lost but I find my clothes fitting 
a lot better and have even been able to get back into some of the larger 
small ones.  All is not back to normal but I can also see a lot more 
collar bone so I know I'm headed in the right direction.  Have been 
walking and stretching to strengthen my 'IT' band on the left side so 
that I can run again.  I felt so fabulous running and can't wait to get 
back to it.  I do find it difficult to not go to bars but not going 
forces me to deal with the issues that sent me there in the first 
place.  Perhaps not everyone there is avoiding issues but I was.  I'm 
reading a lot more and getting to learn the crowd in the coffee shop so 
I feel a little more comfortable there.  They still don't call my name 
when I walk in, though, so all is not perfect; seeing as how it wasn't 
before, I can't really complain.  Man, do I have a lot of work ahead of 
me.  I didn't start this at the beginning of the new year but it started 
a new year for me.  The first day of the rest of my life came slowly and 
I don't remember which one it was exactly which is more like real life 
than an instantaneous change if you ask me.

Did anyone ask me?

Maria