TheBanyanTree: Life Stories 103

[Monique Young]

We take turns. We don't assign turns, we don't give it a lot of thought, and
sometimes he ends up doing more cooking and I end up doing more kitchen
cleaning because cooking is what matters the most to him and what matters to
me the most is eating and having a kitchen I can find things in. Like clean
dishes. Sometimes we cook together, but often we cook separately, and one or
the other will surprise the other, whichever other, with whatever's been
prepared. Sometimes I'll start something, with an idea of where I'm going,
and he'll show up to "help" and to add this or that, and I'll wander off and
later realize I didn't even make dinner, but someone certainly did. 

In high school I took home ec. There were a few guys in my class. And they
all ended up at my table. Me and 4 guys were a team, and I taught THEM how
to cook. Not exactly productive for me, but what the hey. I also took auto
shop, where I was the only girl in the class and therefore overrun with help
when I wanted to work on my very own car -- I took my car in, we put it up,
and I was shooed away because they didn't want me to get dirty or break a
fingernail. Well then. I could have fought harder, but I didn't. I took
drafting, the only female there also, and I could make the most perfect
freehand circles. That's about as far as my drafting skills progressed. I
took electronics, and learned to solder as well as anyone. It was all
experimental for me, trying things out. I tried to get in to wood shop, but
it filled up before I could get there. You know how it goes. I could also
run the quarter mile as fast any guy in my co-ed gym class, but when it came
to gymnastics I was thrown out after the first day because I couldn't
tumble. "Perhaps, dear," the kindly teacher said, "You'd be better suited
for tennis." And so I was sent out to play tennis, and she was right. And
then handball, at which I excelled. Except for when I smashed my hand into
the concrete in the mistaken belief there was a ball to be smashed and
sprained it, but until then I was quite good. 

Then I joined the military in my quest to see if guys really do have more
fun and found the answer to be: not really.

-----Original Message-----
From: thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com
[mailto:thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com] On Behalf Of LaLinda
Sent: Friday, December 29, 2006 8:29 AM
To: Julie Anna Teague
Cc: thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com
Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Life Stories 103

>
> I actually love to cook now.  I think it's a key ingredient in my
> personal health that I can cook.  I think of it as a tribute to my
> mother and grandmothers, not a curse, that I picked up some of their
> culinary skills.  Several of my female friends have become dependent on
> their husbands who cook because they absolutely can't or won't.  And,
> honestly, that isn't a very liberated idea, is it?  Isn't it the ideal
> that both people can generally take care of themselves if necessary?
> Not that one person can't be the main cook and bottle-washer if things
> play out that way, but that the other is prepared to step in, and even
> volunteers to step in and switch roles when needed.  I see cooking as
> an important "personal" skill, rather than a "family" skill.
>
> Anyway, food for thought.  Thanks for the sharing your buffet, dear heart.
>
> Julie



Well, that is the thing isn't it?  These women have gone do far
overboard that they have missed the point of feminism altogether,
which is not about role reversal or about disdain for traditional
nurturing-type behaviors, but feminism is about fulfillment: choices
and support in having made them.  Or changing them.  Or changing back.
 If what you do fulfills you, is not an imposition and doesn't impose
on anyone else, then you have successfully implemented true feminist
ideology, IMO.

L