TheBanyanTree: This is what happened

[PJMoney]

Before anything else, an apology to the lovely people who congratulated me
on my pay rise.  I would have sent my thanks for your kindness but got
caught up with the following so I'm thanking you now.

First, there was work that had to be completed before Friday last week.  The
reason it had to get completed by then is that tonight, at 12:30am we're
going to Canberra.  Seano has completed his BA (majors in history and
information systems) and the conferral of degrees ceremony is on Wednesday.
In the past we've driven to the sites of celebration of his major milestones
(New Entry Officer training graduation, passing out parade) but I'm done
with trying to keep awake after a sleepless night on a red-eye flight from
Darwin to Sydney.  Last time we did it the urge to sleep became so powerful
that, for the first time in my life, I was really worried that we would
become another accident statistic.  So we're flying all the way this time
and then, post ceremony, driving back to Sydney to do a brief pre-Christmas
relo run.  

Second, there was a phone call from the eldest saying he'd busted up with
his girlfriend (who's a lovely young woman and whom I'd very happily have as
a daughter-in-law) and would be moving back home minus all his possessions
bar his clothes.  Of course I said that would be no problem but after he'd
hung up I couldn't help remembering how hard it was three years ago when he
came to us with nothing, and severely depressed, after he'd (wrongly) been
denied study assistance to get his teaching qualification.  I became almost
consumed with anxiety.  That young woman has been wonderful for him and he
has been a rock for her.  He has done things for her, out of love, that I,
being only his mother, could never get him to do.  So I worried and worried
about him until I started worrying about the knot in my chest and found
peace in Psalm 23.  Whatever happens, it will be all right.  But God, please
God, I really don't want to have to do that again.  And Seano is coming home
for Christmas and there is so much junk in the spare room that I can't open
the sofa bed and it's all too much for me.

Third, it was my turn to cook for church on Sunday.  I am not accomplished
in bulk cooking and I have a tendency to think about what would be nice
rather than what would be easy.  Nice won out so Saturday was a major effort
in peeling, slicing, dicing and finding fridge space, and Sunday morning was
a major, two hour, cooking effort.  Three loads of glass noodles.  One wok
load of squid, four of trevally, another of crab flavoured sea-food
extender, another of eggplant with red capsicum, Lebanese cucumbers and
spring onions, and multiple wok washings in between.  That'll teach me.
Next time it will be a stew.

Once that was all out of the way I began thinking about my eldest again.
I'd read a really good article on boundaries during the week and decided
that it was fine for him to move home but there would have to be some
conditions.  He'd have to bring his scooter.  If he couldn't afford the
moving costs we'd pay them and he could pay us back later.  One thing I
would not tolerate is him losing money on the sale of the thing and then
arriving here without transport, getting all miserable about the lack of it
and having to go back into debt to remedy the situation and getting all the
more miserable because of that.   Also he'd have to go back on Austudy and
get his teaching qualification in a year rather than in the two years,
part-time, he's been planning on.  If he's going to live here I want him
busy.  I want him to have no spare time to dwell on his misfortunes.  And I
had to ring him and tell him all this before we leave.

So I rang him this morning and got the answering machine.  All day I was
anxious and fighting not to be.  Perfect love does, I'm sure, cast out fear
but I'm obviously very far from having perfect love.  What a nuisance!  

He rang at about 4.30, after he'd finished work for the day.  I asked
whether he'd sorted out his row with the girlfriend and he said he had,
pretty much.  Hallelujah!  He'd got morose because it had been his
daughter's 12th birthday and, being angry about the family pressures that
were brought to bear on the girls' mother to make her split with him, and
worrying that his daughter might feel a loss akin to the one he still feels
because of never having met his own father, he'd said some things to his
girlfriend that she had not understood and that seem to have frightened and
angered her.  But they'd talked more since then and things were more settled
between them now.  Who knows what passed between them but I'm guessing that
he gave her the reassurance women usually need that, if push comes to shove,
he'll choose her rather than someone else.  

Nevertheless I told him the requirements re moving back home in case
everything falls to pieces between now and next week, and I also made sure
to tell him that good women are hard to find, he has one, he should do
everything he can to keep her, recognise that rows between men and women are
part of the human condition, that if he learns how to deal with such
disputes constructively he will be richly rewarded and that, really, there
is nothing better than a solid relationship forged, as they usually are,
through the give and take of difficult circumstances.  He agreed with me and
I think he really meant it.

So now, much lightened in heart, I can get on with the packing.

Thank you, thank you, and thank you.

Janice