TheBanyanTree: driving: day 1

[Julie Anna Teague]

My son turned 15 and got his learner's permit yesterday.  Since he's already
been in the driver's ed class for a month, but hasn't been able to do the
driving part yet, they encouraged him (so the boy says) to "practice driving as
much as possible before Tuesday", when he will start the driving portion of the
class.  Oh dear God.  I was really hoping that these first, tenuous, real road
experiences would be handled in class.  Instead, he talked me into letting him
drive home from the BMV.  After consulting with my insurance agent to see that
we were properly covered in the event of an accident, I hesitantly crawled into
the passenger side and buckled up.  I had him do a little visualization before
we started.  Which way did he want to get out of this parking lot?  Which way
did he want to turn at the first intersection?  Which lane did he want to get
into to make the turn.  Visualize successful driving, grasshopper.

He'd been driving up and down our dead end street some, so he knew, basically,
how to keep it between the lines, how to start and stop and make a turn.  What I
tried to tell him, and what he very soon realized, is that these talents don't
get you very far in the real world.  As I've told him, those things need to be
so automatic that they are practically unconscious actions, because you've got a
WHOLE LOT MORE GOING ON when you hit the streets.  The first challenge was
merging onto a major highway at rush hour.  We survived but Andy was a bit
shaken.  I had a death grip on the car door.  On the way, I had to make up all
kinds of rules on the fly, such as "When I see brake lights on the car in front
of us, I want to see your foot moving off the gas peddle and hovering over or
pressing down on the brake peddle."  I mean, really, talk about near heart
attack.  It was all I could do not to scream.  And I reminded him that you had
to look BEYOND the next car.  At one point we were working our way through a
busy 4-way stop, about ten cars back in traffic.  Everytime the car in front of
us moved, Andy would hit the gas, jerk forward towards the car in front of us,
then slam on the brake.  This happened about three times after which I tried to
patiently explain that the car in front of us was not GOING ANYWHERE.   It is
going to go forward a few feet and then STOP AGAIN.  You don't even have to
TOUCH the gas peddle.  Just ease up on the brake and let the car idle forward. 
Andy was getting stressed.  I really had to calm....way....down and try to help
him stay calm.  I tried to put on my best firm-yet-reassuring voice. 

One uncontrollable and frustrating part of the experience is other drivers. At
one intersection, Andy didn't pull out fast enough for someone and got honked
at.  He was driving the speed limit in another place and so someone was RIGHT on
the back bumper and making passing jabs to the right side of the road.  IDIOT! 
I told Andy that part of his job behind the wheel was to ignore the assholes and
pull out into traffic when HE felt completely comfortable.  Let them honk and
tailgate and scream and whatever they needed to do, but don't let them force you
into anything.  This is very hard, I know.  

A funny thing, the only funny thing, happened when I let him drive to the mall,
and some idjit behind us honked at him.  We both thought, SHEESH, AGAIN with the
honking.  I told Andy to ignore him, he hadn't done anything wrong at all.  Then
the idjit honked again, and Andy got frustrated and said, "WHAT?  WHAT am I
doing wrong?"   Turns out the idjit was my brother!  He was just trying to get
my attention and didn't realize Andy was driving.  He apologized when we stopped
to talk and he recognized the terror in my face.  His son is 15 and has had a
learner's permit for a few months now.  He knows.  

Julie