TheBanyanTree: Different Kinds of Writers

[Monique]

There are two kinds of writers: those that like to be read and those who
don't care. 
 
There are probably many more kinds than just those two, but that's a
start. Writers who write for themselves because it's fun and they enjoy
it, not caring if who, if anyone, reads what they write are much envied
by the likes of me. I am of the other variety. I write to be read. And
when one is a writer who writes to be read, the absence of an audience
is not a good thing.
 
I don't like this about myself. But there it is. It's the classic
example of "look at me, look at me, look at me!" all ego, no substance.
And admittedly, I am a poor reader of the work of others. I like to
read. I read as much as I can. I appreciate good writing. But am I
supportive and reassuring? No, not likely. I'd like to be, because I
truly appreciate it when I receive support and reassurance, but I am not
always very good at it. 
 
Writing without an audience is pointless to me. I could just leave the
stuff in my head, if I were only writing for myself. Peruse the web, and
you'll see a million people writing for themselves or everyone else. I
do believe there are more people writing to be read than there are
readers reading, which makes the audience situation rather lopsided.
Many of us want to be noticed, and we want to know that sound we hear,
the constant keys tapping, isn't just us talking to ourselves, but
there's a good chance that's all it is. 
 
I could be standing on stage singing an aria (it's just an analogy - go
with it) but everyone around me is just waiting for the chance to do
their own aria and have little interest in mine. At the end of the
performance, there's silence, and I realize that no one was even looking
as I sang. This is what it is like, writing in cyberspace. What is the
point of it? Of course, that could be said for much writing, couldn't
it? It's not something we perform in front of others for their immediate
approval, after all. 
 
I know, it should be done just for enjoyment. But I am apparently quite
shallow. This comes as no surprise. We all have our little issues, don't
we?  
 
I'd like to either a) have an audience, or b) not care if I have an
audience, or c) not want to write. I've tried option c before, but it
never sticks. I've tried option b, but let's be honest, I do care.
Option a? Yeah, right, that's gonna happen. Audiences are not easy to
come by, especially audiences that one knows exist. Occasionally there
may be secret audiences, but since they're secret I would have no idea
if they're there or not. 
 
So what do I do? I'm still working on that. I'm a shallow person who
likes to be read and I'm not a bad writer. There you have it. What do I
do with this self-assessment? I don't know. How does knowing this help
me? I don't know. What do I intend to do about it? (I've been advised to
not worry about it, who cares if anyone reads what I write, but of
course that strategy doesn't work for me because in that case, I think,
I might as well be doing something productive and not something which is
actually, when I do it right, work, even as much as I am compelled to do
it.) 
 
I don't know. I'm just talking to myself.