TheBanyanTree: Corned Beef Hash

[John Bailey]

You may have seen this before but if there's one recipe by which I'd like 
to remembered, this is it:



CORNED BEEF HASH, OLD GREY POET STYLE
                  or
HOW TO KEEP YOUR HASH EXCITING AFTER 24 YEARS


Time: 30 minutes plus preparation
Serves: 2 people with good appetites but there's no harm having a doggy-bag 
to hand
Calories: lots

Ingredients:

Large quantity of a good, palatable dry white wine; or red, it's the 
quantity that counts;
More wine in the cupboard, just in case;
Large can corned beef;
2 medium or one enormous strongly-flavoured onion, chopped roughly;
4 or 5 medium potatoes, waxy, suitable for boiling without mushing, peeled 
and cut;
Worcestershire sauce;
Instant gravy granules, beef flavour;
Seasoning to taste.

Method:

Pour two generous glasses of wine, press one of them into the hand of your 
man and take the other for yourself.

Sit down at kitchen table to chat over the wine, replenishing the latter as 
necessary until a warm rapport has been achieved.

Leave man to marinate and take yourself and your wine glass off to prepare 
the vegetables.

Refill your wine glass, sip heavily, and be sure your man still has plenty 
of juice.

Put potatoes into boiling, lightly salted water in a pan you should have 
put on the hob before this but have probably forgotten. Sip at wine glass 
while you wait for water to boil. Leave potatoes on a very light boil and 
set the timer for 18 minutes.

Refill your wine glass, sip heavily, and be sure your man still has plenty 
of juice.

Heat a small drop of good olive oil and a knob of butter in a heavy covered 
skillet; when it's smoking hot, tip in the onions, turn down the heat, and 
keep slooshing them around until they've gone soft but not started to 
brown. They call this 'blonding the onions' in the trade but who cares?

Refill your wine glass, sip heavily, and be sure your man still has plenty 
of juice.

Open the corned beef, being careful with the dangerously sharp edges of the 
can, tip straight into skillet in one chunk and bash repeatedly with a 
wooden spatula until it's evenly distributed through the onion and not 
overly lumpy.  You could ask your man to open the corned beef if that's 
your bag but if he's still capable of doing it safely you've been too 
light-handed with his wine.

Refill your wine glass, sip heavily, and be sure your man still has plenty 
of juice.

Slosh a generous dollop or six of Worcestershire sauce into the skillet and 
stir quickly into the mix. If you're worried about quantities at this stage 
you've not consumed enough wine.

Shake a thinnish layer of instant gravy granules over the mix and stir the 
whole from edge to centre until it's all absorbed. Remember that thing 
about quantities.

Cover the skillet and leave it to simmer very gently while the potatoes finish.

Refill your wine glass, sip heavily, and be sure your man still has plenty 
of juice.

When the potatoes are just ready, still whole and not in the slightest bit 
mushy, drain them and plop them straight on top of the mix in the skillet. 
Break them up a bit with a wooden spatula, not too much, and stir into the 
mix, adding seasoning to taste. Cover the skillet, turn the heat right 
down, set the timer for 10 minutes and leave to sizzle. The hash should end 
up with a very light crust on the bottom and nice and mooshy on top, not 
too wet, but if this doesn't happen, just stir it all up when serving. Posh 
chefs would crust the top with a blow torch but I don't trust myself with a 
blow torch when I've lost count of the wine I've drunk.

Now is the time hastily to microwave the beans and warm the serving plates 
if you've forgotten to do them before but in any case do be sure to keep 
the wine flowing.

Fold the hash into two omelette-shaped servings, crust on top, plate the 
meal at the counter and serve. If your man is up to handling serving dishes 
at the table you've really rather missed the point of the exercise.

It'll taste pretty good but by this stage neither of you should be too much 
bothered by such niceties.

Don't forget to serve a suitable light dessert to follow. No man, 
regardless of his wine consumption, will consider a meal complete unless he 
gets a dessert to follow.

The rest of the evening is up to you.


--
John Bailey   Lincolnshire, England

journal of a writing man:
<http://www.oldgreypoet.com>