TheBanyanTree: Woof's Revenge Soup

[Woofie]

"Hah!" snickered the Spouse wid a sniggery smirk orn his dial, "You
has been waiting fer ages ter git revenge on me fer that!!"

[The Spouse was standing on top of a ladder deleafing the back gutter
when he voiced this observation.]

"Yeah," I agrees wid a determined tone of voice, while craning me neck
ter look up at him, "Over 30 bloody years!!!"

Roll the film back to 31 years ago...

The Spouse (he was not the Spouse then) and me was living inna small
frontier town inna Northern Territory...a place where men is men and
wimmen is allus covered in bloody mosquito bites and where everyone
suffers from Barcoo Rot in the Wet season cuz there is no fresh
veggies or fruit ter be had, cuz alla roads is cut orf by flood
waters.

Scene: The local rifle club range.

There we was, gittin ready fer the weekly shoot and chattin ter the
other club members. The Spouse was sporting the most impressive black
eye, complete with mobs of stitches under his eyebrow. When quizzed by
the others as to how he had come by that magnificently coloured
injury, he said, looking at me:

"She hit me!"

Now the Spouse has allus had the most unfortunate ability to be able
to say the most ridiculous and outrageous things in a very dead pan
voice. So great is his skill in this area that the more
humour-challenged and literal-minded among us believe his utterances.
Doubly unfortunately, there was one of that ilk amongst the club
members that morning. He looked at me in absolute horror and disgust
and from that time onwards would never speak to me again!

All this in a small town where everyone knows when you scratch yer bum
in the privacy of yer own dunny! I now had a reputation as a man
beater!

And in case there are humour-challenged, literal-minded readers
amongst you, the truth of the cause of the injury...

The night before the Spouse had been playing his usual game of footie
at the meatworks oval (the local meatworks was the only institution in
town wot possessed a football oval) and he got hit inna eye in the
middle of a scrum. He was also concussed and started wandering down
the field with a dazed expression on his face..we think he had decided
to walk to Sydney, which is thousands of miles away down south. The
other players managed to round him up before he achieved this purpose
and carted him off to the emergency centre at the local hospital,
where the resident sadistic nurse stitched him up without any local
anaesthetic...she was renowned for this.

The ironic thing about this was that it was deduced that the injury
was not done by an offending opposition player's boot, but by the
Spouse's own knee wot had socked him inna eye!!!

Roll film forwards to last night....

I was gitting into me tame cab driver's taxi after me weekly network
admin maintenance evening at work. Somehow I slammed the sharp top
corner of the  door into the top of me cheek jes unner me eye. There
was a helluva bang when sharp metal met thick bone, but me cabbie
didn't seem ter notice and it was dark so I pretended nothing had
happened. I sat in the cab onna way home and tole "Jimmy-up-there"
alla bout it, but silently.

Now I has this split unner me eye, a big swelling and I can't see
properly out of that eye. I am hoping that tomorrow a nice bruise will
come out...did I tell you I has this congenital/genetic condition
where you bruises real easily? You gits real spectacular bruises fer
very small injuries:)) You see, terday is a holiday here, but
termorrer is work as usual. Termorrer I wanna go into work wid a
spectacular black eye and tell everyone:

"THE SPOUSE DID IT!!"

This soup, like revenge, is sweeter and better tasting if cooked
slowly:

You will need
half doz or so maters (ripe)
sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
a couple of crushed garlic cloves
1 sweet pepper (capsicum)
cayenne pepper ter taste (some is good fer releasin yer endorphins)
Tabasco sauce..a few drops
1 small cup of red lentils
1 heaped teaspoon of more of cummin powder
1 teaspoon of genuine Vietnamese nuoc mam sauce (or worcestershire
sauce for a poor substitute )
4 cups of chicken  or veggie stock (made wid stock powder or bouillon cubes)
1 4oz can of termater paste
1 teaspoon of sugar
1 chopped carrot
2 chopped onions
fresh chopped parsley, celeriac (or chopped stick of celery), thyme and marjoram
a blob of butter dissolved in olive oil.

Method:

Add all fresh veg to butter oil mix and cook slowly till soft...add
all other ingredients and bring the boil..cook slowly wid lid on till
tender....blend in blender and serve.



-- 
Best regards,
 Woofie,                       mailto:woofie at woofess.com

**********************************************************
"The one constant in life is absurdity" - Woofie - 30/4/02
**********************************************************

Website: http://www.woofess.com
Photos: http://public.fotki.com/woofie/