TheBanyanTree: Too Many Girls

[Margaret R. Kramer]

Most women are great.  They’re compassionate, understanding, and good
listeners.  If you’re down and out, a woman can be your best friend.  They
like to do things by consensus; taking in everyone’s opinions and then going
with what the majority wants to do.  They can be well organized.  They can
so several things at once without missing a beat.  But . . .

Have you ever been in a woman dominated office environment?  Dilbert makes
fun of the cubicle world, but did you notice most of the “bosses” are men?
I would love to see what he would do with a female dominated work place.

We have the top “bully” female – she will talk like a machine gun to her
subordinates, expecting them to remember obscure facts and figures on a
second’s notice.  Her “bully” managers would talk like that to their
subordinates and it would work its way on down.

If a “bully” manager doesn’t like someone, then she would begin to make up
stories about them and spread them around the office, like little grenades,
and they would go off when the victim least expected it.

Then we have “pairs.”  These are two women who are so close that they would
be lesbians, except they usually have neglected husbands and children,
because being a part of the “pair” is more important than almost anything
else.  If person tried to have a friendship with one of the “paired” women,
the other one of the “pair” would immediately begin a vendetta against her
and try to drive her out of her friend’s life.

And we have cliques.  These are groups of women who will absolutely,
positively, never ever socialize or even acknowledge anyone that’s not part
of their group.  They refuse to get to know new people, they’re not
comfortable working with anyone who isn’t part of the clique, and they cling
together like scared animals if they have to be separated.

And on it goes.  I’ve just left a female dominated work environment, except
it was headed up by a male who has personality characteristics very much
like a “girl,” so he kept the toxic brew stirred and hot.

I’m also part of a women’s professional organization and have been for
several years, but I’ve been fortunate enough to be on the sidelines until
this year.  I’ve been able to watch some of these same behaviors, the
“bullies,” the “pairs,” and the cliques, in my organization while sitting on
the bench, and I’ve haven’t had to get involved with any of them.

But this year I’m president of a local club, and my oh my, have I been
dragged into the fray.  Our state president is a “bully” and part of a
“pair,” and spends more time strategically placing her grenades around than
doing anything constructive.

I’m constantly being assaulted by a “pair” in my own club.  I hear “why didn
’t I do this” and “why didn’t I do that” all the time.  I cringe when I get
email from them because I know it’s going to be about something I didn’t do.
I knew this was going to happen, so most of the time I just let it roll off
my back.  But sometimes this litany of negativity from this “pair” gets so
annoying.

Our group publishes a monthly newsletter.  One of the “pair” works on the
newsletter, which is a thankless job, because she has to write articles,
gather other information, put the newsletter together, print it, and send it
out.

I got an email this weekend from her stating that she was “going on
 vacation” and “could I do the newsletter?”  She’s known about her vacation
for weeks and why she didn’t get the newsletter done earlier is beyond me.
So it’s dropped in my lap and as usual, this one of the “pair” only gave me
half the information about how she puts the newsletter together, which is
typical of her, because I never ever get the full story about anything she
does.  I’m just supposed to “know,” I guess.  This is another female
technique – withholding crucial information.

I didn’t have time to pull together the newsletter, but I did design a
brochure, which still took a few hours, and mailed that out to our members.
Our club has so few active members, and those who are active already have
tasks, that I couldn’t pass the newsletter on to someone else to do.

So I’ve been surrounded lately by too many girls.  The beauty of women’s
friendships be damned!  Right now, I’m sick of women and their bullshit.  My
new workplace seems to be a good mix of men and women and I’ve been happiest
in environments like that.  That might help balance out the frustrations I
feel with my women’s group.  I don’t like having my claws out all the time.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at comcast.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

You wouldn't believe
On All Hallow Eve
What lots of fun we can make,
With apples to bob,
And nuts on the hob,
And a ring-and-thimble cake.
~Carolyn Wells