TheBanyanTree: The Schizo Diaries, 6/25/04

[Monique]

Another week has passed, as it tends to do, time's slipping by and I don't
know where it's going. I need to find out, to get a grip on the situation, I
need to get down to brass tacks. I don't know what that means, so maybe I'm
wrong. 

The week was marked by periods of productivity and some suicidal ideation
that the patient dealt with himself. Said patient has overall been doing
well, though, as I keep telling said patient, bad days are gonna happen,
ain't nothing much we can do about it but keep going and try to remember
that it'll pass, and that there's a reason you're here and going through
this, even if you can't see it. 

He can't see it, but I can, even if I can't see it clearly. Right now, there
are no answers, only questions.

He doesn't like himself much right now, he tells me. I tell him to stop
being silly. Yes, that's a tried and true approach that always works for me
when I'm down on myself. Well, okay, it doesn't really work very well. But I
tell him that anyway, then I point out some basic facts. Hopefully it helps,
maybe just enough to keep him from falling too far. 

He's doing really well with the massive changes going on around here at the
moment. Change is hard under the best of circumstances, but he's handling it
well. He's gaining some independence, becoming more self-sufficient, and is
willing to do the work he has to do to retain his self-sufficiency. He's so
tired though, tired of the physical and mental challenges that keep popping
up. Some days he feels well, then suddenly he'll be bad again, or off. Some
days it's a question of which is worse, the mental or the physical.
Migraines. Stomach. Eyes. Fatigue. Then there's the lack of motivation, but
does that follow, or does it precede? Hard to tell sometimes. I don't know
how motivated I would be if I had the issues he has. Probably not much. 

Life is just getting interesting here. 

Previous entries can be found at: http://schizodiaries.blogspot.com/

Monique