TheBanyanTree: The Schizophrenia Diaries

[Monique]

This time I'll have to go to the ER, I say no, I won't go, I won't, but
there's nothing left of me. I am nothing, and there's nothing there, and the
only people who want to be around me are those who I'm helping or who want
something from me without being connected to me. No one wants to be
connected to me because there's nothing there to be connected TO. 

There's nothing left of me. I won't go, of course, though he says I have to,
but I won't listen. There's nothing left of me, and there wasn't much to
begin with, and now there's nothing at all. And it doesn't matter. There are
no words of encouragement, blank endorsements, nothing. In the end, it's all
the same. No one seeks me out. 

And no, I'm not suicidal. I just want to not care anymore. 

I'm empty.

There's nothing there. 

Damn, I sound bad today. 

I think I'll call my therapist, the one I can't afford.