TheBanyanTree: I'm turning over a new leaf

[Monique]

So I say. A new leaf. Hmmph. Indeed. Why not? Another day, another leaf. 

The dog did not want to cooperate this morning. Took her downstairs for her
morning activity, the one she does upon first arising. That time of day, I'm
barely coherent myself, and stumbling no less, so we just go to the bottom
of the stairs for a few minutes while she takes the opportunity to relieve
herself. Then we race back up the stairs so we can ponder the wisdom of
climbing back into our respective beds (which may be the same bed, if she's
in the mood) while we instead begin to work. I do, anyway, Dog is notorious
for being a slacker. 

Anyway, there we were at the bottom of the stairs. And she looked around.
She sniffed the grass, she looked underneath the stairs, certain there was a
cat lurking about (she's been highly suspicious of cats ever since she found
out there was one entering the premises while she was away), she turned her
nose up in the air and looked off into the distance, as if the smell of a
big juicy steak was in the air.

And she did not relieve herself. 

I pulled her over to the ivy. That usually does it, the promise of soiling
fresh green ivy, but not today. She just looked down at it, scoffed, and
ambled alongside the border. 

We moved back towards the stairs. Well, I moved back towards the stairs. She
had no choice but to follow along. She looked under the stairs some more.
She sniffed. She looked at sections of grass as if each inch were different
and worthy of notice. 

She did not relieve herself. I entreated her to just go about it, just get
it done, just move on with it. I am notoriously impatient at that time of
day. It's one of my character defects. She ignored me altogether. Sometimes
I think she's part cat.

I gave up. I moved her towards the stairs and she moved up them, sluggishly,
but up them all the same, which she wouldn't have if she did feel the need
to relieve herself. Upstairs she asked to go back out on her deck so she
could go back to sleep. She'd slept there most of the night, after first
falling asleep with me before deciding my snoring was too obnoxious. 

And I sat down here to ponder the 12 million things I need to do before I
see my first client in a few hours. Okay, perhaps that's an exaggeration. I
am prone to exaggeration, to hyperbole, to overstatement, to histrionics.
Not only prone, but addicted. 

Back to my new leaf. I am, in addition to my penchant for drama, a serious
overthinker. I think too much. I ponder. I think. I turn things over and
over in my head until I've made a complete mush of it and don't know
anything about it at all. I doubt. I am seriously thinking that people
tolerate me. That in the overall scheme of things, I am unwanted, unlovable,
unliked. I wish to turn over a new leaf and stop thinking this way. But
what, I ask myself, if I'm RIGHT? Well, that just changes everything,
doesn't it?

See what I mean? Too much thinking. Dog thinks too much too. Instead of just
taking care of the matter at hand, she has to examine every blade of grass,
every slight breeze, every motion within fifty yards to determine if it's
worthy of notice. But then she forgets about it and does what's next on her
agenda, and I'm certain that whatever she was just doing is gone from her
mind altogether. This may be a function of being a dog with a short-term
memory, or it may be a function of a devil-may-care attitude. I have no hope
of being a dog, at least not in this life, but I could adopt her attitude. 

I'll work on it. After all, what if people don't like me? Dog does. Well,
when she feels like it. When she's up for it. When other pressing matters
aren't intruding.

Sigh. I'm overthinking my DOG. 

Will someone please stop me? 

:-)

M7