TheBanyanTree: Letter North

[R J Fernalld]

Dear Santa,

Here’s the thing. This naughty or nice schtick is a racket. NO kid can be
good all the time, and you darn well know it. My parents, usually totally
clueless, have got this “better not cry, pout shout or have any kind of kid
thing going on at all” thing nailed. And I got to tell you, Santa my man I
have just about had all I can take of eating brusell sprouts and being nice
to my stupid sister. 

So get this straight. If you want me to believe you are real, you’d better
get a handle on this “how to deal with kids” stuff, you got me?

The rich kid in my class is a real SOB…you know….Gerry? Well anyways, his
old man gave him the whole….and I mean entire…GameBoy set up with every game
possible and stuck your name on the freakin' package! What’s up with that?
You’re gonna let that creep get away with that I suppose? I don’t get your
criteria either. Gerry is demented and a bit of a psychotic freak, and you
drop off half of Neiman Marcus at his house. I blow a few opportunities to
suck up to the parents and I get stuck with lame WallyWorld blue light
specials. What up?

Look. You may be a big deal in your hood, but I gotta tell ya, I got a bad
feeling about all this. If I get ripped off again this year, old man, you’re
history you get me? Fork it over under MY tree this year or I am going to
shoot off an email to your boss, understand?

Oh…scared now right? Didn’t think I knew? Well I do, buddy. And that baby
might be laying knee deep in cow dung in a stable somewhere, but at Sunday
School I heard something they told me was Good News. The deal is that baby
is the king of the known universe or something and he kicks major butt. The
next letter offa my pen will be to his Mom telling her to have her kid kick
your fat you-know-what!!!

So straighten up, beard boy. This year I’m the list maker…your name better
not be on it, you get me?

R J Fernalld
Age 6