TheBanyanTree: Harmonic Convergence

[Margaret R. Kramer]

It’s not exactly harmonic.  It just seems there are too many things going on
in my life right now and all these events are converging on this upcoming
week.

My company is moving.  This is the last week in our current location.  We’re
moving even further out into the suburbs and this will make my commute go
from 26 miles one way to over 30.

I’ll be doing a “test drive” either this weekend or next.  I want to do the
drive when it’s daylight and when the traffic isn’t as heavy.  I changed my
drive pattern earlier this spring when I changed working out to the morning
from the afternoon.  I’ve been on autopilot with my drive, trying to keep my
fears in check as I move with a sea of cars every morning and afternoon.  In
a week, I’ll have to begin to familiarize myself with new driving dangers
and my anxiety level will be quite high.

Winter is also approaching and I believe, because we’ve had easy winters the
last couple of years, that this one might be more “normal.”  I’m not afraid
to drive in the snow and ice, but I am afraid of driving in the snow and ice
with idiots in SUVs who think they can go 80 mph no matter how bad the roads
are.

Because of the office move, a few of my coworkers have given their notice.
They are not drivers, but take the bus every day.  Their bus commute would
now take over three hours one way, and they would have to transfer three or
four times.  How would you like a daily six hour commute for an eight hour
job?

One of those coworkers in is my unit and it’s fallen in my lap to organize
the “going away” event.  Well, the event has turned into a series of events,
as a simple lunch with a few close coworkers has now morphed into cake, a
lunch off site with everyone invited, a card, and a gift.  I decided not to
do a potluck, as we’re potlucked out, plus we’re beginning to seriously pack
up our office and why have everyone drag in food and dishes and plates and
napkins when we’re trying to drag things out?

My uncle died a couple of weeks ago and his memorial service will be on
Friday.  He had eight children and he left a special fund so they could all
afford to go to his funeral.  It will be the last chance most likely for me
to see all my cousins together.  I’m excited about this and at the same
time, dreading it, as I dread most social occasions, being an introvert and
all.  Plus, seeing the family always dredges up old memories, not altogether
pleasant, that I’d rather not remember.

The mother of my grandchildren is a nice person, but she has a difficult
time keeping herself together.  She lacks the most basic discipline and only
does well when her life has structure.  She hasn’t had structure since she
lost her job and she’s spiraled down into just basic functioning every day.
She’s not an alcoholic or a drug user, other than pot, it’s just her brain
doesn’t work like most people’s brains.  It’s all she can do to handle
having a regular job, but that regular job kept her together for a year and
a half.

She has a new “boyfriend.”  I’ve met him a couple of times, but I assume he’
s not working either, since he was at her apartment during the day, and he
doesn’t have a car, as he was riding in hers when she dropped the boys off
last week.

I don’t hear from Susan anymore and I have to take the initiative to call
her.  Supposedly she’s out of town with the boys this weekend and I’m
worried.  Asher (my son who doesn’t know about the “boyfriend”) told me
something about Susan losing her apartment because they think he’s living
with her.

Since my middle name is “worrywart,” I’ll worry and fret about this and try
to think of a subtle way of dealing with this situation.

Finally, my half uncle who is only three years old than me, is going to my
uncle’s memorial service.  Back when I was 21 and mired in an abusive
household with my parents and had no way out and my uncle had just been
released from Menninger’s clinic in Kansas after trying to commit suicide
while he was a graduate student at Princeton came together and became lovers
for several years.  We lived together for a while, then split up, saw other
people, but continued to sleep with each other.

We helped each other overcome our weaknesses.  Hand in hand, we went from
social misfits and joined “normal” society.  I think if our “affair” hadn’t
happened, we never would have moved forward with our lives.

Jeff finished his PHD at the University of Minnesota and moved away.  He
married, divorced, and remarried.  He now is a professor and lives in VA.  I
got my bachelor’s degree from the University of Minnesota, married,
divorced, and have lived with Ray for almost six years.  I work for an
insurance company.  Not as impressive as Jeff’s life, but I plod along.

I last saw Jeff maybe seven years ago at his home when he lived in St.
Louis.  Other than Christmas cards, we’ve had no other contact.

So, he called me about the service.  It’s like no time has passed and we
just pick up the pieces.  He’s staying one night.  Ray and I will take him
out to dinner and maybe go to some jazz clubs, if I can stay awake past 9
pm.

It will be nice to see him, but again, it brings up old memories that I’d
rather leave tucked away.

Lots of things are converging this week.  And I can’t wait until this week
is over.

Margaret R. Kramer
margaretkramer at earthlink.net

http://www.polarispublications.com
Be a star!

http://www.bpwmn.org
Business and Professional Women of Minnesota

Nature has no mercy at all. Nature says, "I'm going to snow. If you have on
a bikini and no snowshoes, that's tough. I am going to snow anyway."

* Maya Angelou