TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff

Tue Jan 17 12:57:21 PST 2023

Well, I should say, I can understand your annoyance because it’s not always pleasant when someone has been raised to be a princess (or in john’s son’s case, a prince). It can be downright irritating when he comes to visit as an adult (who makes WAY more money than I do) and just expects his dad and I to pick up the bill for everything because that’s they way it’s always been. I mean, my kids at least offer. Seth doesn’t make a lot of money, but he will come over and cook his specialties for me for dinner if I buy the food. They both try to be generous with what they have—cooking talent, gardening talent, whatever, help on the house, or whatever. With Trevor it’s just a given that the prince does nothing but show up. So, I get your irritation totally, which I should’ve said in the first place, but I’m having a really grumpy day for several reasons. But be that as it may, I can’t change Trevor now and I don’t get anything positive from telling John that Trevor seems “a bit ungrateful” (in my head I’m saying “very ungrateful and never generous in any way”) which I feel like adults should be to other adults, especially their parents! 

> On Jan 17, 2023, at 3:37 PM, Sachet via TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> 
> True. So true. My resentment & hurt over the not being invited to visit has
> made me overly grouchy about unimportant things.
> 
>> On Tue, Jan 17, 2023 at 10:05 AM Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree <
>> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
>> 
>> Also, as far as the way the other person raised their kids (i.e. princess
>> or not), that ship has sailed and all we can change is our feelings about
>> it, so you are on the right track there.  John has said a couple of things
>> about the way I raised my boys...and I shut that shit right down.  I did
>> the best I could.  Most of us do try to raise our kids in a way that feels
>> "right" and also most of us do a thing or two that seems wrong to someone
>> else.  But in any case, at 29 and 32, my boys are "launched" (mostly 😃),
>> and whatever I did wrong comes back to bite me on the butt sometimes, but
>> for John to step in at this point and tell me how I did it wrong ALL those
>> years ago (and mostly by myself)...uh...no.  What's done is done.
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com> On Behalf
>> Of Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree
>> Sent: Tuesday, January 17, 2023 9:23 AM
>> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
>> *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
>> Cc: Teague, Julie Anna <jateague at indiana.edu>
>> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff
>> 
>> I think suggesting to go every third or fourth visit would be a good
>> compromise.  Just to give my experience…Andy and Seth get along with John
>> just fine.  We have a lot of good “merged family” times.  However, Andy and
>> Seth and I are really close and when it’s just me and one or both boys,
>> there is a comfort level that leads to talking about things they simply
>> don’t want to talk about in front of anyone but me. Not even with their
>> grandparents, just me.  The boys and I NEED that check in time.  So yes,
>> there are times when I want to be with my sons without John.  And he has a
>> lot of time with his son without me there, and they, too, talk about more
>> things than they do in front of me.  We both want the other to have
>> relationships with our adult children, but also understand that it is
>> simply the nature of the beast that they will be closer to their respective
>> parent and need time to talk about stuff that will never feel comfortable
>> with anyone else.
>> 
>> Just my perspective.
>> 
>> From: Sachet <sachet at gmail.com>
>> Sent: Monday, January 16, 2023 1:56 PM
>> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
>> *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
>> Cc: Teague, Julie Anna <jateague at indiana.edu>
>> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff
>> 
>> Paul~e_e, thanks so much for continuing to keep us afloat. It’s a labor of
>> love and I appreciate it.
>> 
>> As for me, I’ve recovered from Covid fine, except for the way my blood
>> sugar will drop so abruptly leaving me weak & dizzy until I eat. Scotty had
>> that same issue after having had Covid. We’re still waiting for him to get
>> a fluoroscopy needle biopsy. It’s taking so long, the underlying tension is
>> getting to me.
>> 
>> This morning I am battling my hurt feelings and deep annoyance over Glenn
>> popping over to visit his daughter & son-in-law without me for the upteenth
>> time. I can’t wrap my head around why I am not invited to go with him. I
>> always make sure he knows he is welcome and expected to come with me when
>> we go to Chelsea & Chad’s. It’s a given. It feels like the natural & normal
>> thing to do.
>> 
>> But, he is so possessive of his daughter. Who couldn’t be bothered to
>> visit her father for Thanksgiving or Christmas. She & I had a small dust-up
>> over that. She began to get all het up self-righteous and thought she could
>> yell at me. I calmly and firmly told her that I would not continue our
>> discussion if she yelled at me. She apologized and we had an excellent
>> discussion during which she agreed to see a counselor. She has several
>> emotional wounds that need the help of a professional. I keep praying she
>> will make the appointment. I keep sending small gifts and cards of
>> encouragement, not nudgy though.
>> 
>> Glenn has her on this Princess Pedestal. Which also annoys me. Jim & I
>> didn’t raise Chelsea to believe she is a Princess. Or daddy’s little
>> princess. So, I have a hard time understanding that mindset. And, I realize
>> I am being a bit judgmental about it. I’m working on that.
>> 
>> I’ve told him that I want to go visit them. It’s gotten me nowhere. I
>> think it’s because when I have gone in the past (when we first met) Katie
>> talks to me a lot. I think he feels like he gets so little time with her
>> and so it’s hard to share her. She and her husband spend 85% of their time
>> over at his parents house. And, she posts on FB about the great times they
>> have. Along with posts about things they do with her mom. I think it hurts
>> him a lot to be so left out.
>> 
>> But, he doesn’t place any expectations on his daughter or son. He says he
>> doesn’t want to guilt them into spending time with him. I get that, but I
>> also understand the normal level of expectations that relatives, especially
>> parents, place on their children, specifically around holidays. By not
>> placing one single expectation he leaves this void. And, of course they go
>> where expectations are present. Does that make sense?
>> 
>> I’m really struggling with the issue of not ever being invited to visit
>> Katie & Mason. How can I ever get to know them better if I am never allowed
>> around them? Mason and I get along really well. As do Katie & I.
>> 
>> I think I should bring it up to Glenn again that it would be nice if I was
>> invited at least every 3rd or 4th visit. What do y’all think?
>> 
>> On Fri, Jan 13, 2023 at 9:43 AM Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree <
>> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
>> wrote:
>> Hi Robin!  I planted two zuccs last summer and started having neighbors
>> avoid me in the street.  At one point I asked the husband what he'd like
>> for dinner, and he replied, "Anything that doesn't have zucchini in it."
>> Ha.
>> 
>> Julie
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com<mailto:
>> thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com>> On Behalf Of Robin Tennant-Wood
>> via TheBanyanTree
>> Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2023 10:41 PM
>> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
>> *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:
>> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
>> Cc: Robin Tennant-Wood <rtennantwood at gmail.com<mailto:
>> rtennantwood at gmail.com>>
>> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff
>> 
>> Hi Paul
>> 
>> I had no idea those lists of Roger's were still in existence. I think he
>> was pretty well the lynchpin on them and without him leading the
>> discussions they've fallen into the void.
>> 
>> After a couple of false starts summer has finally arrived here in the
>> south-east. My dahlias are starting to flower and my summer vegie garden is
>> looking great. In a couple of weeks time I'll be leaving zucchinis on
>> people's front steps under cover of darkness. I know the rule is only to
>> plant one zucchini, but they always look so cute and innocent as seedlings
>> that one tends to forget that by mid-January if you turn your back on them,
>> you'll have half a dozen torpedo-sized zucchinis lurking under the leaves.
>> 
>> cheers
>> 
>> Robin
>> 
>> On Fri, 13 Jan 2023 at 09:36, paul via TheBanyanTree <
>> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
>> wrote:
>> 
>>> Just poking around....
>>> 
>>> Roger had me create a couple of lists for him.  They do zero anymore.
>>>  The lists will be deleted in a couple of weeks.  I tire of the spam
>>> mail.
>>> 
>>> For the Tree, there were several "no mail" addresses.  Yeah, You're
>>> getting mail now.  If it's a invalid address it will bounce eventually.
>>> 
>>> Other than that, there's not much happening over here.  I'm still
>>> beating Win11 into submission and I think I'm winning.
>>> 
>>> paul
>>> 
>>> --
>>> _____________________________________
>>>    http://remsset.com
>>> 
>>> 
>>>    I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
>>>    harder and harder for me to find one now.
>>> 
>>> 
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> 
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