TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff

Tue Jan 17 12:35:05 PST 2023

This all makes perfect sense and truly helps me put it all
into perspective, Julie.
I honestly want Glenn to have time with Katie without me, because I know
how much Chelsea & I enjoy our time together. That’s why I have been so
encouraging about him visiting her or them. I think what I will say is that
if it’s just 1:1 time with Katie, naturally I want that for them. But, if
Mason is going to be there I want to be included so that I can grow my
relationship with them. Or every 3rd or 4th visit and let him choose. That
way I am not dictating, but simply asking to be included. I feel that is
fair & reasonable.

It’s so hard for me to define and/or set boundaries. But, they are so
important so that resentment doesn’t fester & grow.

You’ve been a huge help Julie! Thank you soooooo much!

On Tue, Jan 17, 2023 at 9:31 AM Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree <
thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:

> I think suggesting to go every third or fourth visit would be a good
> compromise.  Just to give my experience…Andy and Seth get along with John
> just fine.  We have a lot of good “merged family” times.  However, Andy and
> Seth and I are really close and when it’s just me and one or both boys,
> there is a comfort level that leads to talking about things they simply
> don’t want to talk about in front of anyone but me. Not even with their
> grandparents, just me.  The boys and I NEED that check in time.  So yes,
> there are times when I want to be with my sons without John.  And he has a
> lot of time with his son without me there, and they, too, talk about more
> things than they do in front of me.  We both want the other to have
> relationships with our adult children, but also understand that it is
> simply the nature of the beast that they will be closer to their respective
> parent and need time to talk about stuff that will never feel comfortable
> with anyone else.
>
> Just my perspective.
>
> From: Sachet <sachet at gmail.com>
> Sent: Monday, January 16, 2023 1:56 PM
> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
> *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>
> Cc: Teague, Julie Anna <jateague at indiana.edu>
> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff
>
> Paul~e_e, thanks so much for continuing to keep us afloat. It’s a labor of
> love and I appreciate it.
>
> As for me, I’ve recovered from Covid fine, except for the way my blood
> sugar will drop so abruptly leaving me weak & dizzy until I eat. Scotty had
> that same issue after having had Covid. We’re still waiting for him to get
> a fluoroscopy needle biopsy. It’s taking so long, the underlying tension is
> getting to me.
>
> This morning I am battling my hurt feelings and deep annoyance over Glenn
> popping over to visit his daughter & son-in-law without me for the upteenth
> time. I can’t wrap my head around why I am not invited to go with him. I
> always make sure he knows he is welcome and expected to come with me when
> we go to Chelsea & Chad’s. It’s a given. It feels like the natural & normal
> thing to do.
>
> But, he is so possessive of his daughter. Who couldn’t be bothered to
> visit her father for Thanksgiving or Christmas. She & I had a small dust-up
> over that. She began to get all het up self-righteous and thought she could
> yell at me. I calmly and firmly told her that I would not continue our
> discussion if she yelled at me. She apologized and we had an excellent
> discussion during which she agreed to see a counselor. She has several
> emotional wounds that need the help of a professional. I keep praying she
> will make the appointment. I keep sending small gifts and cards of
> encouragement, not nudgy though.
>
> Glenn has her on this Princess Pedestal. Which also annoys me. Jim & I
> didn’t raise Chelsea to believe she is a Princess. Or daddy’s little
> princess. So, I have a hard time understanding that mindset. And, I realize
> I am being a bit judgmental about it. I’m working on that.
>
> I’ve told him that I want to go visit them. It’s gotten me nowhere. I
> think it’s because when I have gone in the past (when we first met) Katie
> talks to me a lot. I think he feels like he gets so little time with her
> and so it’s hard to share her. She and her husband spend 85% of their time
> over at his parents house. And, she posts on FB about the great times they
> have. Along with posts about things they do with her mom. I think it hurts
> him a lot to be so left out.
>
> But, he doesn’t place any expectations on his daughter or son. He says he
> doesn’t want to guilt them into spending time with him. I get that, but I
> also understand the normal level of expectations that relatives, especially
> parents, place on their children, specifically around holidays. By not
> placing one single expectation he leaves this void. And, of course they go
> where expectations are present. Does that make sense?
>
> I’m really struggling with the issue of not ever being invited to visit
> Katie & Mason. How can I ever get to know them better if I am never allowed
> around them? Mason and I get along really well. As do Katie & I.
>
> I think I should bring it up to Glenn again that it would be nice if I was
> invited at least every 3rd or 4th visit. What do y’all think?
>
> On Fri, Jan 13, 2023 at 9:43 AM Teague, Julie Anna via TheBanyanTree <
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
> wrote:
> Hi Robin!  I planted two zuccs last summer and started having neighbors
> avoid me in the street.  At one point I asked the husband what he'd like
> for dinner, and he replied, "Anything that doesn't have zucchini in it."
> Ha.
>
> Julie
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com<mailto:
> thebanyantree-bounces at lists.remsset.com>> On Behalf Of Robin Tennant-Wood
> via TheBanyanTree
> Sent: Thursday, January 12, 2023 10:41 PM
> To: A comfortable place to meet other people and exchange your own
> *original* writings. <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
> Cc: Robin Tennant-Wood <rtennantwood at gmail.com<mailto:
> rtennantwood at gmail.com>>
> Subject: Re: TheBanyanTree: Silly admin stuff
>
> Hi Paul
>
> I had no idea those lists of Roger's were still in existence. I think he
> was pretty well the lynchpin on them and without him leading the
> discussions they've fallen into the void.
>
> After a couple of false starts summer has finally arrived here in the
> south-east. My dahlias are starting to flower and my summer vegie garden is
> looking great. In a couple of weeks time I'll be leaving zucchinis on
> people's front steps under cover of darkness. I know the rule is only to
> plant one zucchini, but they always look so cute and innocent as seedlings
> that one tends to forget that by mid-January if you turn your back on them,
> you'll have half a dozen torpedo-sized zucchinis lurking under the leaves.
>
> cheers
>
> Robin
>
> On Fri, 13 Jan 2023 at 09:36, paul via TheBanyanTree <
> thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com<mailto:thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com>>
> wrote:
>
> > Just poking around....
> >
> > Roger had me create a couple of lists for him.  They do zero anymore.
> >   The lists will be deleted in a couple of weeks.  I tire of the spam
> > mail.
> >
> > For the Tree, there were several "no mail" addresses.  Yeah, You're
> > getting mail now.  If it's a invalid address it will bounce eventually.
> >
> > Other than that, there's not much happening over here.  I'm still
> > beating Win11 into submission and I think I'm winning.
> >
> > paul
> >
> > --
> > _____________________________________
> >     http://remsset.com
> >
> >
> >     I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting
> >     harder and harder for me to find one now.
> >
> >
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