TheBanyanTree: Change

[LaLinda]

This is a huge thing to put off, and then put on. Thanks for explaining it
to us.

On Thu, Feb 3, 2022 at 5:23 PM Monique Colve via TheBanyanTree <
thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:

> Yesterday I stopped putting off the inevitable and called the EAP at my
> husband's employer. Two doctors, my neurologist and my GP, had asked me to
> start seeing a psychiatrist and/or a counselor, not because I'm a raving
> psychotic, but because they believe I will need help getting through my
> upcoming life phases, and neither of them wants me coming to them. Not that
> I can blame them, their job is to keep my physical body in some sort of
> working order, not to listen to me whine.
>
> Calling EAP is no big deal, but Parkinson's has given me the
> predisposition to cry easily, and so I avoid it. There are triggers, and
> the last month has been difficult in more than one way. When Sam at EAP
> said I didn't have to tell him, but it would help if I did, I told him I
> have Parkinson's, and brain damage, and memory issues, and dementia is
> considered likely with time. I had to stop work and my life is changing.
>
> No big deal.
>
> Sam asked what kind of support I had, did I have anyone to talk to about
> this? I told him no, only my husband, and Andrew and I have agreed that
> talking to him about more than the basic medical facts is not conducive to
> a healthy relationship. I'm enough of a challenge as is.
>
> I have no one to talk to. I really never have.
>
> Parkinson's messes with the brain, even if one escapes the dementia that
> often accompanies it. If we're lucky, it's a long slow decline that can
> wipe away who we are, or were, and it comes with grieving. I'm already on
> the way to being no one.
>
> Once I had a reputation in my field, small as it is. People knew me.
> Sometimes I was known for being a smartass, sometimes for knowing many
> things. On good days I can still be a smartass, but there are few people to
> talk to. Physical therapists have been, other than my husband, my most fun
> conversations for the past month.
>
> People with Parkinson's support groups have not been helpful - I will
> offer advice or support, but there's no back and forth, and the most
> frequent advice includes prayer, which is not my belief system. It's also
> very conservative, which I am not.
>
> I've been future blind most of my life, which means I can only see today.
> I can't see a future that is any different. There are reasons that are dark
> and deep, probably best explored with a mental health counselor.
>
> I love my life, despite my inability to connect with people, even family,
> though my brother and I have made huge strides that no one else would
> notice. My life has changed a lot in the past few years, some of that
> pandemic related, mostly me related. I don't want any more change - I used
> to welcome change, now I fear it.
>
>
> Monique
> Sent from my iPad
>
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