TheBanyanTree: Who The Hell is My Secret Santa? (paul)

[tobie at shpilchas.net]

Hello folks and Santa whoever you may be,


	Years ago this same topic came up on this list and it exploded into controversy.  Honestly, it was as hot as if someone had brought up abortion (or who’s better: cats or dogs).  I don’t really have a right to chip in because I’m not part of this tradition. I will say that it always seemed strange to me. I do remember hearing about the Santa thing and I asked my mother. I was six or five.  She told me that it was a myth, that some parents tell their children Santa exists and flies in his sled every ….. etc.  And some don’t. But the truth was that Santa Claus was their mothers, their fathers and all their friends and relatives.

	I was in a car pool back home from Adventure Theater’s acting club for kids. I was sitting near the window, my club-mate in the middle. Her mother was driving. The club-mate asked me if Santa Claus was going to bring me anything and being just a child and flatly honest without social layers I answered, "Oh, everybody knows that Santa Claus is just your mother, your father and all your friends."  I had no clue why her mother was ready to kill me. I was just a kid. She yelled at me, nearly threw me out of the car while it was moving.  I went home crying, utterly confused.  The mother called my mom and had it out with her for telling me about Santa Claus. My mom had no answer really. She just told her that we were Jewish and it wasn’t part of our tradition. She meant no harm and certainly I wasn’t old enough to grasp the complicated dynamics. (probably not her wording back in the '50s when there wasn’t such a thing as "dynamics").

	I  know that if I’d been lied to about Santa and fell for it (doubtful) after my parents revealed the truth, or more likely after that accidental revelation that spills the beans, I would never trust anything my parents ever told me again.  And I guess that’s a good thing.

	We all wind up bending truths with our children to spare them the pain of trying to digest worldly realities that are beyond their ability to process. Then we ease them into the truths as they mature.  But that’s different than having a plan to deceive your child over a period of years, not because you yourself believe in it, but because it’s traditional to deceive them. I get that it’s about wide eyed innocence and happiness. There’s plenty of that everywhere you look so you don’t specifically need Santa for that. Nor do you specifically need a deception.  I may never be able to wrap my head around why this is so important to people. But religion isn’t rational and many rituals are completely irrational. So go for it.

	I told my kids not to mess with other peoples’ belief systems. So if the subject came up, keep your mouth shut about Santa Claus. That was not easy to do. I was asking my children to be dishonest in order to protect the dishonesty of other kids’ parents.  From my experience, I didn’t want anyone screaming at my kids, or me. 

	My take:  you guys are nuts.  But so what.

As you were,

Tobie






> On Dec 27, 2021, at 7:45 AM, Jena Norton via TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:
> 
> Theta, this is something I've been mulling over since this topic came up yesterday at our day-late Christmas dinner. I asked my g-niece what Santa brought her son. She launches into the not-lying thing. She said. if he asked, she'd tell him some people believe in Santa and some don't. She'd leave it up to him to decide. When asked about the Tooth Fairy, she said when he loses a tooth, she'll hand him a dollar. He's just 15 months old, so there's time for her to change her mind. And being me, I asked her if that meant she'd NEVER lie to her child. She humphed and her parents laughed.
> I also think of kids I knew or taught whose religious beliefs didn't let them celebrate holidays or birthdays. They always seemed sad they couldn't join in. And if as adults, they left this sect, they always said they loved celebrating so much!
> All childhood make-believe has my vote!
> Jena Norton 
> 
>    On Sunday, December 26, 2021, 01:24:59 PM CST, Theta Brentnall via TheBanyanTree <thebanyantree at lists.remsset.com> wrote:  
> 
> One of our older daughter's friends decided she would not lie to her 
> children about Santa.  Every time they walked by a Santa in a store or 
> anyone asked the kids what they hoped Santa would bring, this friend, 
> with an air of exalted virtue, would say that Santa is not real.  When 
> Indy was a baby, our daughter threatened the friend with bodily harm if 
> she said that in Indy's hearing and she said they would all be banned 
> from the house during the Christmas season if her kids said anything to 
> Indy.  Some years later, Maggie overheard her friend scolding one of her 
> kids about something he'd said to someone that was honest but very 
> hurtful. He responded that as long as they were talking about hurtful 
> things, why had she refused to let them believe in Santa?  He had 
> observed that when the kids who believed in Santa when they were young 
> had more fun during the season anticipating Santa, and when his friends 
> got older and found out the truth, they still had fun making Santa real 
> for younger kids.  He told her that when he had kids, he was going to 
> make Santa real for them and she better not mess it up.
> 
> So there's a vote for the Santa spirit.
> 
> 
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"Be a Man."   (Man to child)


Tobie Shapiro
mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>