TheBanyanTree: Reflections in a muddy pond
Gloria
burns.gloria at gmail.com
Sat Jul 20 23:11:09 PDT 2019
I didn’t see the question mark either! I love your answer to Meyshe. It
really is that simple. I reckon we learn that through practice.
On Fri, Jul 19, 2019 at 7:09 AM Pam James <pamjamesagain at gmail.com> wrote:
> I guess I read what you meant, because I didn't even see that question
> mark!
>
> On Thu, Jul 18, 2019, 4:09 PM <tobie at shpilchas.net> wrote:
>
> > I reread. You know. People of grammatical conscience do that. And I
> > found, to my great chagrin ……..
> >
> >
> > >> Meyshe, in
> > >> this regard, you are no different than anyone else?
> >
> >
> > What was that question mark doing there?
> >
> >
> > I apologize. And for all the times I left out a close
> > parenthesis:
> > )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
> >
> >
> >
> > I bet that’s not enough.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > > On Jul 18, 2019, at 11:41 AM, Pam James <pamjamesagain at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > >
> > > what a fabulous answer! anybody worth your time is asking the same
> > > questions of themselves!!
> > >
> > > On Thu, Jul 18, 2019 at 2:25 PM <tobie at shpilchas.net> wrote:
> > >
> > >> Why Russ,
> > >>
> > >> What were those echoes? Do you mean to tell me that I’m not
> > alone?
> > >>
> > >> Meyshe is 32 now and longing for a sweetheart, but he has no
> idea
> > >> what or who or when or how. He’s autistic and that makes it so much
> > >> harder. We went to SFMOMA on my birthday, Monday, and he told me he
> was
> > >> afraid that if he fo9und someone, he would ruin it by something he
> said
> > or
> > >> did. "What do I say? What do I do? How do I meet someone? What will
> she
> > >> think when ….? What if she thinks that ….?" I listened for a while,
> > just
> > >> aching, really aching. Neuro normals feel uncomfortable around people
> > on
> > >> the spectrum. Where will he find someone? He’s been asking me
> > questions
> > >> since he was 10 years old, like, "Will I make a good father?" (Lord!
> > What
> > >> 10 year old boy asks questions like that? For that matter, what 25,
> 30,
> > 40
> > >> or 50 year old boy asks questions of himself like that?) When I
> > listened
> > >> to Meyshe’s confusions and yearning, at least I could tell him,
> > "Meyshe, in
> > >> this regard, you are no different than anyone else? Just remember when
> > you
> > >> meet someone you like, she will feel exactly the same way. No one
> knows
> > >> what to do or say until you break through the unfamiliarity and can be
> > >> yourself. When you feel safe being yourself, then those questions
> don’t
> > >> have such weight any more."
> > >>
> > >> Did that soothe?
> > >>
> > >> You tell me.
> > >>
> > >> The point is that while the chemistry is being shuffled and
> > >> tossed, that’s how you’re going to feel. Maybe it’s when the
> chemistry
> > >> settles with someone is when you start feeling that you can be
> yourself.
> > >> But how can anyone know?
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Tobie
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>> On Jul 18, 2019, at 6:51 AM, Russ Doden <russ.doden at gmail.com>
> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>> Dear Tobie,
> > >>> I have read, and reread your post and see echos of my own 72 years.
> > >> Only I
> > >>> had no procreation - by choice, but still no procreation. As always
> I
> > >> find
> > >>> insight and wisdom in your words. It's good to see your words again.
> > >>>
> > >>> Russ
> > >>>
> > >>> On Wed, Jul 17, 2019 at 4:52 PM <tobie at shpilchas.net> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>>> Wednesday, July 17nd, 2019
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Just hold on a minute,
> > >>>>
> > >>>> I just turned 72. This seems strange to me. It is true that
> > >> I’ve
> > >>>> packed a whole hell of a lot of experience in between my squeezing
> (or
> > >>>> being squeezed) out into the world and now. Times in my life that
> > once
> > >>>> were freshly rotten now are distant and mature. By that, I don’t
> mean
> > >> that
> > >>>> the memories are faded or any less vivid. No. They are redolent.
> > >> There
> > >>>> have been just so many events crammed in there on the way to 72. At
> > >>>> various times I remember being thoroughly engrossed with, "How’z
> this
> > >> going
> > >>>> to turn out?" It occupied the furrows in my forehead and worried me
> > >> during
> > >>>> the process, tripping me up, making it hard to navigate. And by
> now,
> > I
> > >>>> know how most of those things turned out. This is, at least,
> > >> educational,
> > >>>> and I learned my lessons well — that is, EXCEPT where hormones
> were
> > >>>> involved. Talk about tripping me up!
> > >>>>
> > >>>> It’s pretty clear, isn’t it. The mind works, lessons are
> > learned
> > >>>> unless it has to do with love, mating and procreation, even if
> > >>>> tangentially. I’m sure there are plenty of people whose response to
> > >> that
> > >>>> would be, "But without the hormones where love, mating and
> procreation
> > >> are
> > >>>> concerned, it wouldn’t be much fun!" And where I go with that is a
> > >> state
> > >>>> of wonder, confusion and intense curiosity — not about love,
> mating
> > >> and
> > >>>> procreation; that’s unambiguous. I’d have to question these people
> > >> about
> > >>>> their personal definition of fun.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> I do know how to have fun. I’d just have a very hard time
> > trying
> > >>>> to isolate the fun that, evidently for those folks, shines through
> all
> > >> that
> > >>>> anxiety, humiliation, disappointment, frustration and huge, swollen
> > >>>> abscesses of self-doubt, recrimination and self-loathing. Yes, as I
> > >>>> recall, self-loathing figured prominently in the love, mating and
> > >>>> procreation arenas I slogged through.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> What arenas would those be?
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The most common arena was the one where I’m pushed out onto
> the
> > >>>> great stage while the lions are released, sauntering from the
> opposite
> > >>>> direction — this, while the crowd in the Coliseum munch their
> > popcorn
> > >> and
> > >>>> look at their score cards. They’re impatient, nearly disinterested.
> > >> This
> > >>>> is only one act of dozens. The professionals go on later, much more
> > >>>> engaging, more skilled. The pros know how to put on a show with
> > >> sparkle,
> > >>>> drama, pizzazz.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Another arena would be the Barnum’N’Bailey three ring variety.
> > >> In
> > >>>> this one, I’m under contract as a trapeze artist — the high wire
> > >> without
> > >>>> a net variety — the skimpy sequined skin- tight one shoulder
> outfit
> > >> that
> > >>>> itches fearfully. My contract, however, is a cruel ruse. My
> > torturous
> > >>>> costume, the intense training, the soul throbbing terror (when I
> swing
> > >> out
> > >>>> there at maximum amplitude and let go, will my partner’s timing be
> > >> right?
> > >>>> Will he catch me?) What I don’t know is that I’m actually the clown
> > >> act.
> > >>>> I was completely fooled. I was even under the impression that my
> > outfit
> > >>>> was meant to be alluring. Not the case. What was I thinking when
> > they
> > >>>> put that shiny red bulbous nose on me? Oh! This was a lesson I
> would
> > >>>> never forget! But I did. It’s easy for you to judge. You can see
> > the
> > >> big
> > >>>> red nose (and hear it, too; it honks), but I’m inside here looking
> > >> out. I
> > >>>> can’t. Still, the next time around it would be so unlikely they’d
> try
> > >> the
> > >>>> same stunt twice. After all, I’m highly intelligent. They know I’d
> > >> figure
> > >>>> it out. They wouldn’t dare! Oh yes, they would. They know
> > >> intelligence
> > >>>> has absolutely nothing to do with it. Besides, they have every
> reason
> > >> to
> > >>>> be confident. They even order those noses by the gross in smug
> > >>>> anticipation — those and the whoopee cushions.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> A third arena (this one seemed to be a favorite of the
> trickster
> > >>>> god: god of love, mating and procreation, in charge of the hormone
> > >>>> cabinet). This one was a Salem witch trial. Risk free, simple,
> > really.
> > >>>> I’m there to prove I’m worthy, truly the perfect, "UN-witch". And
> it
> > >> goes
> > >>>> like this. When I say, "Go," they throw me in the vat of water
> > >>>> (brackish). If I float, I’m a witch. They haul me out and burn me
> at
> > >> the
> > >>>> stake. But if I sink, I’m innocent, worthy, an, "UN-witch". I
> drown.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> So I could be missing something, but I can’t find the fun in
> any
> > >>>> of those. And that’s the benefit of hindsight at 72. As I answered
> > the
> > >>>> call and arrived to live these love, mating and procreation arenas,
> it
> > >> was
> > >>>> always as if it were the first time — my memory wiped clean. Or
> was
> > >> it my
> > >>>> cognitive awareness that was wiped clean? "Clean," is not the right
> > >> word,
> > >>>> really. Nothing was wiped clean, though one could argue that the
> > word,
> > >>>> "wiped," applies after a fashion. The memory, the mental faculties,
> > >> either
> > >>>> or both, got slopped and clogged with hormones. Of course, this is
> > all
> > >> so
> > >>>> easy to observe at 72. Now that it’s too late, I can assure you I
> > won’t
> > >>>> fall for any of that shit again. And at 72, it’s pretty safe to
> > promise
> > >>>> that.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Oh yeah. There’s more.
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Later for you.
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Love,
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Tobie
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> A tease:
> > >>>> "Where are you headed to after this, Mr. Zeno?"
> > >>>>
> > >>>> And a phony:
> > >>>> "Can I help?"
> > >>>>
> > >>>> THS 2017
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Tobie Helene Shapiro
> > >>>> mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > >>>> forgotten your password? Go here:
> > >>>> http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>> --
> > >>> Enjoy Life By Living In Joy
> > >>>
> > >>> Well Being Consultant
> > >>> www.rldwbc.com
> > >>>
> > >>>
> > >>> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > >> forgotten your password? Go here:
> > >> http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> "Perfection is an illusion."
> > >> Meyshe Benyomen Shapiro-Nygren
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Tobie Shapiro
> > >> mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > >> forgotten your password? Go here:
> > >> http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> > >
> > >
> > > Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > forgotten your password? Go here:
> > http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
> >
> > Keep your eye out and note everything you say and everything you do, and
> > ABSOLUTELY everything you put in writing, because you never know
> when
> > someone will come after you. And no matter what you know you did, said
> or
> > meant, they may prove you wrong in a court of law. And that's the only
> > truth that matters. THS 2014
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Tobie Shapiro
> > mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> > forgotten your password? Go here:
> > http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
>
>
> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you
> forgotten your password? Go here:
> http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com
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