TheBanyanTree: Visitation

[tobie at shpilchas.net]

DAMN!!

	I want someone to supervise my visits with me.  Really.  Somebody ought to make sure I’m safe and no one tells me I’m worthless, that my future is bleak and no one loves me.  Yes, you remember the thing about the best of times, the worst of times.  I just never know when it’s going to be which.  

	And I thought that when the hormones subsided, things would be easier.  It turns out that there is a whole new set of considerations when you get older than, "I’m still middle aged  — the cutoff is arbitrary. It’s how you feel.  ET CETERA."  (You must pronounce the et cetera or you have to go back and do it again).  And isn’t that the surprise that keeps on surprising.  No matter how diligent you are about taking your life and the lives of your closest in careful loving thought, it turns out that you didn’t know to anything about that next phase of your life. But now that you’re suddenly in that next phase, the horizon opens up (or narrows down at worst) and the landscape is entirely transformed.  New language of life.  Reality shifts.

	I remember ages ago when I was stepmother to my X’s two adolescent boys.  The divorce with his (crazed and jealous) (forgot: destructive) first wife had taken a heavy toll on the boys. The custody battles and back stabbing were still dark red and unclotted.  That’s when I did my astonishing flip and decided I did, after all, want to have children.  Well, a child, but it turned out that I let two eggs pop down the chute that month and the rest is 32 year old history.  I thought it best to wait until the pregnancy was confirmed and solid before telling Alex and Ben.  They were fragile enough.

	Family meeting.  (now define "family" for me).  We told them I was going to have a baby.  Alex, the elder, shrugged it off before going to his room to sulk.  But Ben stood there in a closeted state of shock, trying to figure out how he felt about life.  With bewilderment, he looked at no one in particular and said, "Wow. I thought everything was going to keep going on the way it is forever."

	So who wants to supervise?


Tobie



> On Aug 21, 2019, at 9:06 PM, Monique Colver <monique.colver at gmail.com> wrote:
> 
> My old job is now a part time job because I can't do it full time. As it is, I have enough clients to occupy me part time, and couldn't do more work if it came to me. And it's an inside solitary job, and it's not that interesting.
> 
> For part time work I supervise parent / child visitations. Lucky for me, a client needed this, asked if I could possibly do it, and so of course I said yes. It's good for me for several reasons. I get out more. Time ranges from 2 to 4 hours at a time, and I get paid for it. And mostly, I feel like I'm doing something useful for other people, because the child, a 12 year old girl, and her father need to see each other and have an excellent relationship. I've watched them long enough to know. The reason it has to be supervised is mostly BS, but the court has said so and so it is. 
> 
> The father currently doesn't have a car and until he has to stop paying attorneys for this divorce thing he probably won't, so I'm also the transportation. 
> 
> Today we had 4 hours, 3 to 7. First I picked up the father, then we went to pick up the child. Then he asks her what she wants to do. She wanted to go to a bank and turn in some coins for cash, shop for shoes for school, and eat. We went to a bank, and then we went to look at a couple of apartments because the father will be moving within the month, and he wants his daughter's input because they're both hoping she'll be spending time there. 
> 
> Then we went to the mall to shop for shoes. We talked about a movie, which would be at the mall too, but the starting times didn't fit into the schedule. I let them shop on their own. I like to give them time together without peering over their shoulders the whole time. Saturday we went for pizza but I sat by myself because they only had two hours together. 
> 
> I hung out in the food court with my IPad and food while they shopped and ate, somewhere, I don't even know where. Doesn't matter. When it got time to leave I walked back to the meeting place but was hijacked by a cosmetics girl at a kiosk. She put eye cream on my eyes, insisting I would look 10 years younger. I didn't believe a word of it, but her foreign accent and enthusiasm won me over, so I let her talk fast and improve my eyes. 
> 
> Then I said I had to run off so I'd have plenty of time to meet my charges. Of course I didn't buy anything, despite all the incentives. I may Parkinson's and brain damage, but I'm not stupid.
> 
> Then we took Chloe home, and then I took her father home. 
> 
> It's a good activity for me, and I probably like it more than I would have expected. I get out, I walk, I talk to people, I do something useful, and I'm not just sitting at my desk. Life changes.
> 
> Monique
> Sent from my iPad
> 
> 
> Want to change your name, email address, or password? Or have you forgotten your password? Go here: http://lists.remsset.com/listinfo.cgi/thebanyantree-remsset.com

"I cannot evict these thoughts from my mind."   Meyshe B. Shapiro-Nygren


Tobie Shapiro
mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net <mailto:tobie at shpilchas.net>